What do you do if you hate your wife more than you love your kids?

2020-03-26T14:58:37+00:00

If you hate your wife more than you love your kids, reexamine your reasoning. If your wife has treated you in this awful way, there's reason to believe she will turn her rage against those children sooner than later. Dont you think your kids will need you in their world to negotiate this trauma? Dont you agree that no one else will understand the abuse they're sure to endure better than you? Don't abandon your children to a fate you're escaping from. If there is a fire and your kids are inside the house, do you go in and try to save them regardless of the fact that you may die, or do you save yourself and let them fend for themselves? When we had our kids the protagonist in our story changed. The happy ending isnt ours anymore, it's theirs.

What do you think?

P.s. I'll have a wife-off with you and see who's acts have been more deplorable. So I'm there with ya brother.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2020-03-26T15:12:44+00:00

You see a professional and do whatever you must to work it out.

No shame in it. I had to do the same as did many of us. Kids are WAY more observant than you will ever give them credit for.

itzregardie · 2020-03-26T15:35:59+00:00

You get your ass in counseling yesterday.

SpacemanLost · 2020-03-26T16:22:24+00:00

I did it out of necessity. Divorced in '08 right when the recession hit my industry, and in my state especially hard. The company I was working for (National, several thousand employees total) suddenly went bankrupt and out of business, and I was unemployed. My STBX had depleted all our savings and assets in the years just prior.

I wanted to stay close to my kids but there were nearly zero jobs to be had and hundreds of laid off guys competing for those same jobs. At the same time I was facing major support payments because my career had been doing so well up to that point. The courts were not sympathetic to my situation, and my ex was out for blood.

My ex had been out of the workforce for over 15 years at that point, wrapped herself in the flag of SAHM, felt that she deserved to never have to have to work again, and wasn't qualified for anything beyond entry level anyway, so it was clear if I was not providing for them, they were going to go without.

I did a get a couple out of state job offers, including one that was for over 50 percent more than I had been making (because west coast salaries) and would let me fly back often to see my kids.

As they've gotten older, my kids seem to be more aware and understand how much I provided for them, which helps a bit.

Edit: I thought this might be worth sharing because of the wave of job losses being caused by the virus situation. For guys getting divorced or recently divorced, losing their job is a huge blow to an already rough situation, and they may have to make more difficult choices like the one I made. It was really painful decision, I won't lie, and to this day it gives me pains and issues and I wish I had been there more, but their situation, and mine would have sucked in many other ways compared to what we did have.

kidsquid_ · 2020-03-26T16:17:38+00:00

If you hate your wife more than you love your kids you need to stay away from all of them until you know that you will not harm them. If you feel you can’t stop yourself, please call 911.

Knave7575 · 2020-03-26T17:23:36+00:00

You can think long term or short term:

1) Short term: I cannot stand the mother. I need to leave! I need to think about me! me! me!

2) Long term: My kids are going to be a part of my life for the rest of my life. I can handle a year of discomfort to keep them in my lives.

Too many fathers leave the kids, which helps in the short term, and then 10 years later they realize that they have made a terrible mistake.

Don't make that mistake. You can hate the mother, but stay with the kids, no matter what.

gronk4198 · 2020-03-26T17:25:56+00:00

Yup went through it myself - toxic marriage, divorce was brutal but knew that staying in it wasn't good for kids either. Now although they live overseas and I don't see them very regularly, the quality time is so much better than having all the bad quantity time in the marriage. Don't forget they'll grow up eventually and move out anyway as long as you keep a good relationship with them you're fine. If you're happy and still make an effort to be there for them they will know it. Good luck my dude

Title	What do you do if you hate your wife more than you love your kids?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	7
Comments	10
Date	March 26, 2020 2:49 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/fpcrl8/what_do_you_do_if_you_hate_your_wife_more_than/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-do-you-do-if-you-hate-your-wife-more-than-you.1199586 https://theredarchive.com/post/1199586

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