Should I tell men that I was married?

rokiki6642 · 2023-06-09T01:52:06+00:00

Honestly, this would be a dealbreaker for me. I want a partner who values marriage and doesn’t marry their “friend” as a “joke”. It won’t be a dealbreaker for the right guy with the right sense of humor (or values or whatever drives people to marry their “friend” as a “joke”) but if you don’t let them know and they find out that’s just asking for misunderstandings because this whole thing is very odd and seems like it’s not the entire truth.

milkycocoa-puff · 2023-06-09T01:28:31+00:00

Yeah you should. Honestly and openness are a part of having adult relationships

Jenneapolis · 2023-06-09T03:14:02+00:00

This is one of the strangest things I’ve heard in a long time. It doesn’t just happen on a whim, you had to plan it. Legally you are married so there are implications until you get divorced and you should get divorced immediately. I would imagine most men would see this as a red flag but you need to disclose obviously. Maybe 10 years down the road if you are still single they will have a different perspective but given this is current, get divorced, put it behind you, and maybe do some introspection on why you did something like this.

It’s not healthy thinking to say I am a young person so I can just make a ton of mistakes? My dad passed away when I was 18 and I was taking on major responsibilities and decision making. I don’t wish that on anyone but I say it to prove the point that age should not be an excuse for making dumb decisions because people at your age are certainly capable of making appropriate adult decisions. More importantly if you delay dealing with the consequences and getting a divorce, this does not show it was just one bad decision but now is a series of bad decisions.

ivysaurah · 2023-06-09T01:41:59+00:00

Yes, disclose it. Lying is never good when building a foundation with a potential partner. Maybe not on the first date though… 😅

MrNifty · 2023-06-09T02:17:27+00:00

I think you should definitely not hide it, because the fact is you are still currently legally married. It's not like you were 6 years old and had a pretend ceremony in your parents backyard and drank fruit punch afterwards. You had a whole ceremony over it. Maybe not in a church but it was still a ceremony where you invited friends and had a typical wedding party.

When you do disclose it, the first question on alot of guys minds is whether or not the marriage was consummated.

If you didn't, then get divorced ASAP since obviously you're not in a serious relationship. When you do share it, play it off as a funny story, finding a way to slip in the fact that it was never consummated.

If it was consummated, and you since you did get legally married, you're asking people if you should lie to your future husband about whether or not to disclose the fact that you truly married this man.

rida09 · 2023-06-09T02:42:21+00:00

I don't know why people refer to marriage as "just a paper", the entire point of marriage is that's a legal commitment, there's so many protections that spouses get when they're legally married that even civil marriages don't have. You being divorced may be on your record and may come up again so either you be truthful about it or a future partner will find out about it. Not sure how things work in Europe tho, hopefully you will do your research on the divorce process and whether it's actually as simple as you say it is and how a re-marriage process will work.

ArdentBandicoot · 2023-06-09T03:07:17+00:00

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sassafrassCA · 2023-06-09T11:01:51+00:00

My husband did this same thing. On our marriage certificate he’s listed as divorced which is annoying. One day we will have to explain to our kids. I had to explain to our officiant so therefor to my parents too. Other than that though it hasn’t impacted us.

AutoModerator · 2023-06-09T00:23:38+00:00

Title: Should I tell men that I was married?

Full text: Before you answer hear me out!

I'm 19F and I have a best friend 18M. A mate of ours started a joke 'imagine if those two got married haha' and eventually we thought why not just for fun and let's throw a little celebration party with our friend group. We're adults anyway and making bad decisions on your own is the best part of being 'grown up'.

And we did. Got a dress, suit, rings and flowers, signed some papers with 2 witnesses of our choice and boom we were legally married. Ended the night in our favourite restaurant with close friends and some dancing. To be honest if you forget the ridiculousness of the whole idea we actually had a really good time.

Obviously not much changed besides that paper, we didn't even have a church ceremony and our lives stayed the same.

I was actually surprised that's all it took to really be married but then again other places may have different laws.

We plan on getting divorced eventually, but as I said it's not really something we have on our mind day to day and when we decide to it'll just be couple hour task anyway to get it started.

You don't have to lecture me about being immature or irresponsible because Im aware of that.

My question is should I disclose this with a future/potential partner? I mean sure I'll tell him about it some time in the future because it was a silly decision I made as a kid and we can laugh about it. But I mean the way people actually disclose that they're divorced, have kids etc. ?

Personally I don't see the need for that because we were technically never even in a 'relationship' it's just a paper but Id love to hear everybody else's perspective/opinion?

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jenna_grows · 2023-06-09T07:46:30+00:00

It won’t be a joke if either of you dies intestate lol.

Look, I’m a lawyer and I see divorces all the time (at my firm, not personally, because I refuse to handle that stuff). I wouldn’t see it as a big deal or a red flag if my partner told me this story. But I would be pretty pissed if they didn’t and I found out.

As much as it’s a joke, you should probably try to get it annulled. Neither of the parties actually intended for this “marriage” to mean anything so intent was lacking. That’s not going to change the fact that you should probably still tell your future partner about it, but just because you probably don’t want to be legally considered a “divorcee” for the rest of your life (or at least until you remarry).

Title	Should I tell men that I was married?
Author	DM_ME_PUPPIES_THANKS
Upvotes	0
Comments	15
Date	June 9, 2023 12:23 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/144q1tr/should_i_tell_men_that_i_was_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-i-tell-men-that-i-was-married.1221667 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221667

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