Hi Guys...

For some back context...we are renting the house that we are currently living in from my STBX's parents who own the house. They also live right next door, which makes this whole situation even more stressful and unfortunate. STBX has a ton of family in the immediate area...uncles, cousins, etc. I have basically zero family in the area. Which sucks during tough times like these. Big time. But it is what it is.

So I am a little over one month in to an in home separation and divorce (divorce was filed about 2 weeks ago. I filed, and she was served by my lawyer via email). I've been living downstairs and trying to tough it out as best I can (not moving out until a parenting plan is approved by a judge for our 2 boys, ages 4 and 2).

Both my boys have July birthdays (the youngest 7/6 and the oldest 7/28) and we are doing a combined birthday party for them on July 15th at my in laws house next door (it is a big house, big yard, great for get togethers like these). My youngest just had his actual birthday yesterday and we did a few presents and cake for the day of...nothing huge since we have the big party on the 15th.

Things were going reasonably well until after the presents were opened and my oldest had a meltdown because he wanted to play with ALL the pieces to one of the toys that the youngest got as a present. It took a half hour at least to get him calmed down (my oldest is not good at sharing yet and has impulse control issues, like most toddlers). He has had tantrums like these in the past, well before our separation/divorce ever took place. Yet my STBX and her mother both of course think that this is MY doing, since I'm being "selfish" by not moving out. STBX texted me today telling me that she thinks it is "best that you (meaning me) don't come to the party this year...you can have your own. Because it is too hard on the kids."

Now...my STBX is a hot head, and spouts off saying mean things when she is upset. So by this time next week, she may be like yah you can come no worries....but at the same time, I'm not sure how to process this, as I have my favorite relative (my cousin) flying in from Eastern Canada next week, largely because of the situation I'm in but also to meet my boys and help celebrate at their birthday party. She has two grown kids of her own and is excited to be an "Auntie" and have some little ones to spoil. I have a few friends that are supposed to come too. And there would be enough people to where any awkwardness/tension would be smoke screened/minimized (or least that is my thought and hope).

Any advice on how I should approach this? Part of me wants to say eff it, and show up anyway to the party next Saturday...but at the same time, I am trying to keep the piece as much as I can while I am living there and don't want to cause a scene. One idea that just popped into my head is to suggest that I come over only for the part where they open their presents and see what kind of response that gets.

1 month in and it isn't getting any easier...I'm hoping that after this we are able to mediate in the next few weeks and come to an agreement before the holidays arrive because that would be another potential heartbreak/painful experience that I'd much rather navigate while having my own place and things being much more cut and dry than they are now.

Sorry for the long post...thanks for reading.

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