Had two dates with this girl so far. Did I fuck it up over text?

redpilledjoe · 2018-01-22T20:38:14+00:00

You responded to the "is this a booty call" correctly (fairly common response we advocate). Perhaps you shouldn't have phrased it as "come over to my place tonight". That makes her think its a booty call. You need an excuse for her to come over (plausible deniability for her) aka come cook dinner with me tonight, come watch x movie, bla bla bla. Something that'll make her not feel like a slut, y'see? But in the end this looks like it's getting into a ghost scenario. If she comes over just play it cool and escalate if she's uninterested just wish her the best and move on. The longer she withholds sex the more power she has over you.

Soderbergh · 2018-01-22T20:49:49+00:00

She said "you think I'm a slut?"

You answered "i might. also i'm desperate"

What you should have said was "i just wanna hang out and have a good time doing whatever"

Normally I would say don't say anything. But you've confused this poor girl.

So, now you have to say something to save her from feeling like a whore.

Like "hey, all joking aside let me know if you wanna drop by. we can chill and have dinner or something"

Don't worry you will be banging this broad in no time if you smooth things out.

RP_Br3 · 2018-01-22T20:35:22+00:00

You fucked it up by using logic and cornering her into a decision. She already said "Ok" earlier, it's up to you to give her an excuse to not feel like a slut. Hell, anything would be better than bringing up sex. Stamp collection, movie, a bottle of wine, anything

360_no_scope_upvote · 2018-01-22T20:45:15+00:00

Ya you tried to reason with her, never do that. You should've said something stupid like, hold your phone to your booty. She was feeling like a hoe because she blew you on the first date, all you needed to do was give her a little comfort.

What you're going to do is do not text her. I assume you guys didn't hang out after that conversation. You fucked up pretty bad by even bringing up the thought of a relationship. I'm leaning towards this is probably shot, however, wait for her to text you back however long that takes and then escalate like that conversation never happened.

Whenever your 1-on-1 with a woman assume she's there to fuck, women aren't dumb, being alone with men usually has 1 out come if he has any ounce of balls on him. Always Be Closing.

vandaalen · 2018-01-22T20:38:39+00:00

Second date went to see a movie

this is where you fucked up. Did you want to start a movie critique blog with her or fuck her?

BestSC86 · 2018-01-22T20:48:08+00:00

Badly done....the butthurt came screaming across loudly in your "So if I'm understanding correctly...." comment....that was about the worst possible thing you have to sent.

1st: It attacked her for not wanting to come over immediately to fuck...Slut shield went thru the roof as soon as she read....

2nd: It labeled you immediately as an obtuse fuckboi....looking only for a hole into which to stick your little wee-wee.

3rd: You showed that you are socially uncalibrated and awkward....girls really dislike guys who send signals that they haven't been there\done that before because they don't know how he is going to act\react and is likely shitty fuck anyway. Hell you might be one of those guys who goes berserky stalkerish over her because she let you see her pussy...a girls worst nightmare.

You just needed to make it playful....all you really needed to say was something like "I was thinking of sorting M&Ms together <something silly>, but you seem to have better ideas". Then play off of that ......instead you went into defensive mode and she was DONE.

Also Note:
The whole shit about "Come over now..." shtick is lame and so 1990s...... Every fucking loser interested in pussy has read that and they have heard that shit from 2000 dudes regardless of how chody the guy.

throwinghthisoneaway · 2018-01-23T05:44:14+00:00

that weird long ass message was really dumb. You sounded like an investment banker explaining why she should buy your penis

prostaddict · 2018-01-22T22:30:01+00:00

Girls are all about plausible deniability if you haven't slept with them yet. Your best response after her 'No no I mean if you're looking for sex then I'm not coming over' would've just been something like 'We wont do anything you aren't comfortable with'.

It looks like she was still game after that msg tho, and you could've redeemed yourself by using that same response above but that came out as pretty butthurt. I'd say you definitely fucked that one up but learn and move on

MattyAnon · 2018-01-23T01:35:50+00:00

Me (where I think I fucked up): So if I'm understanding correctly you are looking for a relationship because you don't want to have sex now?

Logic will get you NOWHERE.

Me: I don't see why the two aren't possible but hey it's up to you.

At this point you say "no thanks".

This went wrong somewhere around the second date.

Let's see. First date... drinks..... good.

Second date.... movie.... that's getting boyfriendy. It was probably her idea. At some point she switched off, and it was long before the text interaction.

that_italia_guy · 2018-01-23T02:40:42+00:00

First date went out for drinks, she ended up blowing me in my car.

Second date went to see a movie, tried to escalate before dropping her off but she leaned in for a quick kiss and said goodbye.

So now I text her to come over my place for the third date. Conversation goes like this:

Me: Come over my place tonight

Her: Ok. But is this a booty call?

Me: Damn already thinking about sex huh? Smh

Her: No no I mean if you're looking for sex then I'm not coming over.

...we can cuddle up under a blanket and watch Netflix too ^{_^} haha. See you soon!

To me this was a comfort test. You gotta show you appreciate being in company with her and it's not only about sex. Even if it is. It's about that alternate reason for coming over too. Even both people are down to fuck. Girls just don't want to talk about it so abruptly. They need it discussed a bit.haha

[deleted] · 2018-01-22T20:52:19+00:00

So if I'm understanding correctly you are looking for a relationship because you don't want to have sex now?

This is where you fucked up.

You're talking way too much. Stick to logistics next time.

TonytheNetworker · 2018-01-22T21:48:52+00:00

Yeah you fucked up. I would've played it cool and just be like "Nah, just trying to get to know you better " or some shit. If she's talking about sex first then it's already on her mind and she wants it with you.

Herdsengineers · 2018-01-22T21:53:35+00:00

give it a day or two, then you can attempt to re-engage if she doesn't contact you. tell her you're gonna go do XYZ and tell her she should join you to hang out and to XYZ with you. it's as easy as a walk on a trail somewhere to disconnect for a few hours, then a quick appetizer after the walk.

don't try to tell her all this, but plan it so it's close to your place, and have something at your place - stuff to make spaghetti or something. then while having hte appetizer, tell her about your mean spaghetti dish that's all world, recipe from your grandma, etc. if she expresses interest, tell her "tell you what, i've got the stuff to make, come with me for dinner tonight".

gives her a reason to come over that isn't just sex (in her mind). you need to comfort her ASD hamstering.

CutLiver · 2018-01-22T21:46:06+00:00

1st of all, never go to a movie for a date in the first month. You're trying to get to know her... she's trying to get to know you and a movie just gets in the way. Definitely don't do it on the 1st or 2nd date...

2nd of all, like redpilljoe said, it's way too soon to invite her over like that. You need to give her an excuse to come over. (Dinner and a movie with some wine is standard). If you don't then she'll feel like you're "just using her for sex".

3rd of all, you did fuck up with your response. NEVER even say the word relationship. That's her job. As far as you're concerned you just have a good time with her, then create a situation where sex "just happens". She gave you a clear sign of interest with her response, and you responded like you were just using her for sex. What you should have said was something like "I like hanging out with you too. And I didn't mean it like that. I was hoping we could cook some dinner together and talk more since we didn't really get to during the movie."

I would reach back out to her and say this: "Hey, my bad if I gave you the impression that that was a booty call. I didn't mean it like that... and I like hanging out with you too. Are you free this weekend? We should go (insert activity)."

Of course it was a booty call, but you can't be so direct this early. Tell her what she wants to hear: that she's special.

Title	Had two dates with this girl so far. Did I fuck it up over text?
Author	floresw4
Upvotes	14
Comments	21
Date	January 22, 2018 8:22 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/7s8nyi/had_two_dates_with_this_girl_so_far_did_i_fuck_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/had-two-dates-with-this-girl-so-far-did-i-fuck-it.122535 https://theredarchive.com/post/122535

Comments