It's impossible for a man to express any frustrations about dating on reddit without being accused of "blaming" or "attacking" women.

kukkle1111 · 2023-07-28T08:00:56+00:00

And even then, even if he uses no offensive language or generalizations or insults whatsoever, he might not be safe.

Might not be safe? I’ve seen posts like these and the men are still crucified and end up screenshotted and posted on IncelTear.

NefariousNaz · 2023-07-28T12:57:33+00:00

I was on a sub about having parents who were mentally unstable. I later found out that the sub was majority girls and their idea of having mentally unstable parents were comments from their parents like "your hair looks so much nicer long"

A post was made asking if their parents and upbringing have had an affect on their dating lives.

I thought, yup this is right up my alley. Poor immigrant, non-english speaking parents (don't know each others language either), parents were the black sheep of their own family and unbalanced mentally, constantly moving. No friends or family or corresponding support. I shared these details and mentioned that it has prevented me from getting a half decent girl.

Then came the replies.

"You're not entitled to family or friends support"

"By saying half decent girl I can tell your a misogynist"

"That's not what we're asking for. For example, due to my upbringing I'm overly attentive to my boyfriend and friends."

"Work on yourself"

"Take showers"

etc.

I responded stating thanks for making assumptions about my life. I also stated that no more than I can understand how life is for a woman, they cannot understand how life is for someone who grew up as a poor ethnic minority immigrant. I also gave them details of my life such as me being very educated, financially successful, and spend free volunteering at an organization time helping sick children and their families.

They responded very negatively to this as well accursing me of being a misogynist because I am saying girls are not smart enough to understand.

I was swiftly banned from the sub. The automod ban message said to message a mod if you wish to dispute the ban. So I did. The answer I received was:

"Don't ever message me again you piece of shit."

EricFisherNo1 · 2023-07-28T13:41:08+00:00

I think Reddit is turning me incel.

anon12101 · 2023-07-28T08:55:49+00:00

They love to strawman every little thing you say too so explaining things takes way more time and effort than it’s worth

malesareobjects · 2023-07-28T17:56:43+00:00

I've heard a man be called misogynistic on Reddit just for saying that he's not good enough to date women. He literally said that he didn't blame women for it and someone in the thread was still upset.

Obsidian_Koilz · 2023-07-28T11:40:16+00:00

Na, I don't turn my flamethrower on anyone. Check my history. Many women most definitely recognize that dating is getting harder and more strenuous for some men. We recognize the loneliness and grief of feeling undervalued and unwanted. Some women are also experiencing this, so they may empathize with their male counterparts.

We recognize the uncertainty of the future in relationships and careers.

We recognize and empathize with wanting to form deeper connections where love, joy, peace, and happiness are present and feeling denied when it's so much harder to come by than we've been taught.

We all are disillusioned after the sitcoms, movies, flowery words of our elders, and books about how "true" love happens turns out to be a fantasy. When we become adults with reason, we understand that many of those people just liked the looks and status of the other. Or their squabbles were minor things. Cinderella, a classic little 'love story', didn't even know who the heck she was dancing with. She just knew he was pretty and looked like money. She even ran out at midnight talking about how she had never met the prince. She never clocked him till the end. Meanwhile, did Prince Nearsighted never see her face? My guy, you don't recognize a girl you just danced with? Don't know her name. Nada. But you're going to marry her because you like the feeling of dancing with her. What?!? How is any of that true love? But that's the insanity we are spoonfed.

We resonate with you when you say how you're instructed to behave, and you'll be able to achieve. It's a damn lie. You can be just as sweet, protective, gentle, masculine, provides, be handsome, be confident, be wtf ever... and STILL not be appealing to the person you're approaching. That starts at a young age. When children are forced to play together, they are learning that people will always HAVE to give them a chance to prove they are worthy of their time. The other child may begin to resent their lack of autonomy and become ultra exclusionary as they grow older and more independent. That's dangerous territory psychologically and translates into the dating sphere as well.

I could continue to bullet point these things... but it's already a lot. The gist? Many women see and empathize. Others see from their own perspective the flipped side of that coin and how it effects them. Still, others are blind or willing to deny the frustrations of others.

sara2015jackson · 2023-07-29T06:17:34+00:00

Get off reddit, this site is trash.

The people who comment and post on this site are not representative of normal people at all. Just a bunch of super-online anti-social weirdos who feel the need to "yes, but" and "well actually..." every single issue because it makes them feel like the smartest person in the room when they're really just talking out of their ass and need to go outside more. I say this as someone who's been on this site for over 10 years now and am also part of the problem lol

Everybody on this site is autistic. Please don't use this as a model for how people actually are in real life. Go spend some time with real people and I promise it will be much better experience.

SplitWrong5057 · 2023-07-28T10:45:45+00:00

In the eyes of the attackers female issues are valid but male issues are not valid.

The mere notion that men have particular problems is seen as toxic.

Welllarmedhippie · 2023-07-28T19:22:32+00:00

It is possible. I've seen posts doing, today in this sub in fact. Use "I" statements and talk about your feelings. Don't slam others or act like you know their feelings or motivations, and don't blame.

TermAggravating8043 · 2023-07-28T08:48:56+00:00

Of course it’s ok for a man to express his frustrations about HIS dating experience, expressing his individual experience to move forward is healthy. But blaming or generalising an entire gender because of it is not ok, and that’s the difference

RazzmatazzCreative66 · 2023-07-28T22:56:51+00:00

Yeah social media is an echo chamber. Ive gotten attacked for really silly things too. Just realize that on Reddit, the most extreme opinions end up shouting down everyone else. It’s not representative of society.

desihf · 2023-07-29T04:40:51+00:00

I think you may be in the wrong subs. Ask for advice and it is usually freely given. There are trolls in all subs but usually they get banned pretty quick.

That being said simps is a dead give away

EugeneCezanne · 2023-07-28T14:49:36+00:00

It's only impossible if you really want to blame or attack women. You're only choosing your words carefully if your natural words would be offensive.

Dry-Line-5760 · 2023-07-28T20:14:11+00:00

Yep they think we're trying to cancel them like they cancel others

AutoModerator · 2023-07-29T22:13:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	It's impossible for a man to express any frustrations about dating on reddit without being accused of "blaming" or "attacking" women.
Author	Enigmatic93
Upvotes	59
Comments	41
Date	July 28, 2023 7:25 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/AllPillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AllPillDebate/comments/15bqehe/its_impossible_for_a_man_to_express_any/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/AllPillDebate/its-impossible-for-a-man-to-express-any.1226738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226738

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