Impact of Mental Health in Relationships

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-08-02T23:50:37+00:00

Explaining they're a widower during the previous-relationships conversation is pretty normal, by the way. That's a pretty intense thing to include in a profile.

> I am very familiar with his condition as I have had it in my family.

INFO: Do you want kids? What's the heritability? Because that may actually be the bigger issue. Both my family and my husband's family had genetic health risks significant enough we deliberately chose spouses who would not increase our children's risk. Increasing the risk for a non-life-threatening disorder may be completely appropriate if he's enough of a catch, or it may not be.

Jenneapolis · 2023-08-03T03:08:35+00:00

I don’t think he did anything wrong regarding sharing his widower status with you. Especially at that young age, I’m sure whatever happened was incredibly traumatic and probably something he doesn’t tell everybody until he’s close to them. You’ve only been dating for a month so that seems an appropriate amount of time for him to share this information.

Only you can decide what you are comfortable with but it would be a shame to end things based on a worst-case scenario that may never come to light if his medications are working well. If I were you, I would take things day by day. You are not agreeing to marry the guy, you are just agreeing to date and see where it goes. At only a month in, I would give it more time. Red flags usually appear within the first few months if they come up. Better to give it time and be confident of your decision than end it too early and wonder what could’ve been.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-08-02T22:55:48+00:00

Personally, I would consider if his condition is genetic. There is mental illness in my family and I have had to consider the risk of it being passed down to any children.

Someone made a good point a few weeks ago that it’s fine for each partner to have flaws, but it’s a healthier relationship if you don’t share the same flaws, because you will be less likely to enable those behaviors in each other. I don’t know if that applies in your situation, but it made me look at past relationships in anew way, and made me want to change how I approach a relationship in the future.

womanoftheapocalypse · 2023-08-03T19:47:35+00:00

Tbh I think you were a bit dramatic over him “keeping” his widower status from you. You haven’t known him for long and waiting to share traumas until the relationship is more established is a green flag. The man lost his wife and unfortunately there are people out there who look for vulnerable folk to exploit them. It sounds like he’s ready for a new relationship, but that doesn’t discount how painful losing a partner is. Him sharing this with you is an act of trust.

In terms of mental illness, I’m biased because I have it lol both my partner and I have conditions which can relapse. At another time in my life, I would say I’d never date someone with mental illness because mine is enough work to handle! But when I met my partner there were things I valued more which we matched on. I realized that it’s not that I want someone perfectly mentally healthy, but someone who’s been through the ringer but who is working hard to stay healthy and has demonstrated resiliency. I think he’ll provide a wonderful example to our future child because frankly he inspires me! The what ifs come and go, but practicing mindfulness and gratitude reminds me to stay grounded in reality. My what ifs aren’t ever positive lol what if we both never relapse again? For example.

Most importantly I’m focusing on myself and trusting the flow of life. I hope you can glean some inspiration from my experience regardless of what you choose. Your experience growing up with mental illness in the family and your desire for stability is totally valid. It’s okay to say that you don’t want to be with someone who has a relapsing illness. You get to choose what you value in a partner, and he deserves someone who’ll support him through sickness and health. That being said, nothing in life is certain. Especially health. What if you found someone who was diagnosed with a mental illness ten years into your marriage to them? We don’t know what the future holds, where life will take us, and what challenges we’ll have to face. Be still and listen to your intuition, you know the answer already.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-08-03T19:11:58+00:00

I was divorced at 23 and always put that on my profile. I actually agree that his widower status should have been on his. The only reason to leave it out was so women would give him a chance and not next him for his baggage, which is dishonest and unfair. That said, he's told you now, so I'd just keep the initial convenient dishonesty in mind if you decide to pursue the relationship.

As for the mental health issues, I personally think RPW can be too forgiving on this front, while TRP is probably too harsh. If you were in your late 20s or early 30s, I'd advise you to keep your own baggage in mind and consider whether you'd find someone without similar issues. You're in your early 20s, though. As you've stated, mental health issues in your partner can impact your entire life, even if they're properly medicated. Medications fail. Bodies and minds change. At this point in life, I'd say you likely have better options than a young mentally ill widower. He's not just struggling with anxiety. He's on antipsychotics. That's a lot.

OkBlueberry3088 · 2023-08-03T03:36:31+00:00

People with trauma and poor mental health are usually not worth it imho. I would tread lightly for a few more weeks while you decide if it’s worth it. If he’s making a conscious effort to get the help he needs then maybe it would be worth your time. Otherwise it’s an uphill battle. I’ve been there and done that, wouldn’t do it again.

LiteratureOk7716 · 2023-08-04T02:49:07+00:00

My husband has 3 exes, in order of oldest to newest (followed by myself):

Dated 2 years, met at a formal with his sister school. He attended an all male boarding school. She's now married, a flight attendant living between Copenhagen and Miami Beach. She, her husband, and 3 children were well-behaved at our wedding.
Dated 4 years, met 2nd year undergrad, followed hubby to grad school, where she was raped and killed the day he was going to propose to her. He found her body hanging from a tree and spent a few months as a murder suspect. The mother was at our wedding.
Dated 18 months, she was a contractor at his work place. He wasn't directly in her chain, but they went out for a bit. Committed suicide in 2020 and addressed the note to him. He picked up said note from her mum and threw it away without opening it.

Title	Impact of Mental Health in Relationships
Author	No-Banana5899
Upvotes	4
Comments	17
Date	August 2, 2023 9:39 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/15gkrp4/impact_of_mental_health_in_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/impact-of-mental-health-in-relationships.1227054 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227054

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