Being broke most of my 20s killed my confidence. What to do?

Tousen71 · 2023-09-27T21:15:17+00:00

Don’t pursue a higher income because you believe it’ll make you more appealing to women. Especially at your age. Women only care about money when they’re in their 30s (date younger) or if they vastly out-earn you and even then they only care if they see you bullshitting.

I’ve got a buddy that’s 32 and has ALWAYS pulled bad bitches despite living in apartments with bunkbeds and 4 roommates, taking the bus to work, working as a barista, etc.

He’s a good looking dude, is charming, and he’s fun to be around. To the girls he’s messing with, even if they think they’re doing better than him, they WANT him to win. They want to build him up. They see potential in him.

All you need to do is have a purpose and a plan. The right women will follow.

Every-Performance985 · 2023-09-27T22:47:14+00:00

75k a year in your late twenties is not bad my friend. Most people will never hit that ever.

Contrary to what redpill says, not every woman out there is a gold digger. As long as you can cover drinks on the first date and have a place to smash, most women will think you’re a catch. Men way more broke than you are mooching off and sleeping with countless women.

The failures you experienced trying to build businesses will pay out when you try again in the future with more maturity.

We like to glorify the likes of Zuckerberg and Jobs who built an empire in their 20s but they’re outliers. If you look at the research by Forbes, most Unicorn startups were founded by men in their early 40s. That’s when you have enough network, access to capital and expertise to build a thriving business.

I would also suggest you do deep dilligence on the finances of the restaurant you’re buying. Most restaurants have thin margins and don’t really make much money.

If I was you, I would stick to data science, get experience and then start something related to that.

StormTigrex · 2023-09-27T21:18:40+00:00

You are naturally competitive and strive to be excellent at everything you do. You were there, in the 1%, for most of your life. Then you fucked up here and there and your position in the social ladder fluctuated.

But as you said, you're still above average. Do you wallow in misery? "Boo-hoo, I'm only 99.98% better than every human that has ever lived instead of 99.99%"? How very American of you.

No. You keep going. You strive for excellence because you are excellent. You don't feel like a loser: you feel like you can be even better. Thank Mother Nature for instilling you that sense of willpower and ambition after millions of years of evolution. That greatest gift and most terrible curse there is for man.

Rene-Girard · 2023-09-28T02:16:33+00:00

In addition, a business partner and I will be buying a mom and pop popular restaurant in my city very soon.

You will get financially murdered.

Everything else in your post sounds good, but don't do this. The only way to go into the restaurant business and not destroy your sleep and finances is A: You're already a chef with a lot of experience. B: You go in as the sole owner.

Even then, it's a though business where most fail and many just go into debt and bankruptcy. Just focus on your good paying job and your Data Science program. Cook at home, with friends, and to impress girls if you like.

ausplaya10 · 2023-09-27T21:24:50+00:00

TL;DR: you’ve programmed yourself into being/feeling like a loser and that’s relative to how you reprogram yourself in the future. You’re recreating the past.

I’ve been going through some shit twenties myself. Found the Redpill when I was about 23 and been implementing it into my life ever since. Def hit that “I’m not where I want to be” circuit on more than one occasion.

I’ve seen and envied guys like you so many times before so it’s a refresher to hear that you guys aren’t always Superman lol.

I’ll cut to the chase, stress and negative emotions can cause an addiction to that stress and negative emotions. When then make them our mental point of origin in our day to day interactions. We compromise our best selves to uphold that narrative.

When you’ve been a ‘loser’ for long enough, your monkey brain gets addicted to it even though you consciously hate it. It becomes your automatic reaction to a your circumstance. Your ‘mental point of origin’. Your first thought. Which is really an emotion.

Fuck advice, but here’s some advice. Try to remember the very first moment(s) where you started to feel like a bitch. Like a real loser. From there do the deep work to re-live and replace that reaction that’s been trained into your nervous system. You consciously think, but your body body knows. Like trying to look away from a fat ass. We can’t outwork our belief systems and our bodies keeps the score of our past traumas. If we don’t purge ourselves of those traumas our bodies will continue to recreate a future based on the past because it’s what we think we still need to do in order to survive. But we don’t. We’re carrying an outdated paradigm.

I hopes this helps 💯

Wolfgang985 · 2023-09-27T22:39:01+00:00

Exactly half my social circle and family friends currently earning $300k+ were total fucking losers in their 20's.

Stoners, beach bums, dealers, general degeneracy, et cetera. You're not alone. Not even close.

One particular example is a family friend. I was close with his son. Our parents became better friends later on and are still close.

Anyway, the father used to be a beach bum. Guy smoked weed, surfed, and lived in one of those hideous VW camper vans until his early 30's... Then left it all behind to go to culinary school.

At 65 he's now co-owner of a regional restaurant group with 10 locations. Also designs menus and pricing for other restaurant groups.

Moral of the story: It's not too late. Keep your head on and march forward man.

videogames_ · 2023-09-27T20:53:59+00:00

Game is game. broke guys hookup with women if their game is on point. 75k job means you’re average. Don’t go for gold diggers.

22Spooky44Me · 2023-09-27T21:29:21+00:00

You're just growing up as a man. It never is a straight path. You'll have to learn to overcome the self doubt. You're trying to rely on the same things to validate your self-identity now as you did in your 20s. That may not work out.

All of these past experiences and life events that you had described, are you just that? A collection of memories of your life events? You're trying to create a future based off your past wins/losses? There is more to it.

Do something new. Look within you some place you haven't looked before. All you seek is within you.

YoungStarchild · 2023-09-28T02:29:17+00:00

Bro you got some shit to sort out. I think you’re realizing your limitations. You have a lot of great attributes but some of the shit that you’re concerning yourself with is holding you back. You got a baby mama who takes care of you and a kid but you’re still more concerned with how other people look at you and how to continue being some type of pick up artist. All that shit fades and you’re going to miss out on what’s really important in life.

red_blood_cells · 2023-09-28T06:45:29+00:00

you have this mindset that 30 is some cliff and all the fun is to be had in your 20s and only in your 20s

you're 29, making 75K which is a good salary outside of SF/NYC, gonna get your masters degree by 30, and you have a long history of being attractive to women

I recommend you watch 1M on YouTube, especially his videos about "The Male Advantage" and other stuff from 2021.

Lots of content about about getting better as you age, being more attractive to women at 30+ than 20+ and things like that.

(Obviously this comes with hard work and not automatically, but you get the point and you're off to a good start)

Forget the negativity of the past.your past mistakes are haunting you but thats what your 20s are for.learning, failing, finding your purpose

El0vution · 2023-09-27T22:23:29+00:00

You’re not as old as you think, you’re judging yourself as if you’re 40. As an entrepreneur and your history, you’re obviously a competent and confident individual. Women are going to see you that way and you should rightly see yourself that way too. You feel you wasted your 20’s, great. Use your 30s wisely, it’s a whole decade, and when you’re 40 you’ll still be young. However, I would reconsider the competitive restaurant market, from one fellow entrepreneur to another, there’s far more bluer markets out there. Like the data science market. Programming. AI. Bitcoin.

Feature_Not_A_Bugg · 2023-09-28T06:49:40+00:00

Dude, you've already done the hard part by turning your life around. The ability to get back on track after you mess up is invaluable in your journey as a man. I just think you need to reevaluate your value system. You're still basing your current reality based off of your past circumstances. You have a child to raise, a good job and a new business. Focusing on these will give you way more fulfillment in the long run compared to the short term validation of random girls. Stop flying with you're head down and focus on what's up, there's definitely something better on the horizon. Good luck on your journey.

Stabvest39 · 2023-09-28T19:12:53+00:00

Did you think that this walk of life, becoming a man, would be easy? Dude, it is the great slog. The battle between reality and your ego will be waged over your entire life.

Things like money and career take time. The real world is interested in actual competence and you can't fake it. Not even in business or sales. This takes time.

Literally every man has been, or will be, where you are now. Your journey is exceedingly common. Except most men aren't smart enough and dedicated enough to stick out a degree in something that will pay $75k+. So, you're actually in great shape.

The objective now is, what can you do, where can you build in your life to increase your confidence? You realize now that bullshitting yourself and others does much more harm to your confidence than good. So, where can you build, knowing it will take time, to get back a high level of confidence?

btw, I am in nearly the exact same position as you ;) Keep moving man, at 30, the race has only just begun.

dankovz · 2023-09-28T14:03:53+00:00

Don’t blame yourself, you did as good as you could, you are getting better and that’s good, but I see you are hiding something, some trauma perhaps, you have cover already your health, social, and money problems, and that’s good, nothing to say about that, but the problems lies in why are you doing it, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

Let me be clear, therapy may help you to find the reason you are doing the right things for the wrong reason, it may not, generally trauma happens when we were children, something you lacked marked you, I may be wrong.

You have a family now, maybe your old family wasn’t enough but I guess you can be better, don’t be afraid, you are very fortunate, you have health, a family, a job, studies, even tho if you don’t have money, people know how truly rich you are.

Don’t be a coward, you have to look inside you, it’s scary, that’s why narcissists can’t do that, and you will know why you feel empty, and you are not late man, I saw 80 years old people who haven’t done any of this or the things you are doing, it’s never late, keep strong.

aast4 · 2023-09-27T21:35:55+00:00

Find yourself meaning besides all the hustle bustle culture, are you living for you or for others? It's not horrible life it's quite admirable you manage to make it work well for you, even though you dont feel good. Heck, I wish I could but got burn out health issues due the same working lifestyle, but I am happy just living my ways rebeling from social expectations. It's a mindset to work and love yourself to appreciate all you've done for. Dont seek perfection or someone to finally acknowledge you, you have to for yourself you are more than good enough, if not then you're constantly seek people validation and most people are weak insecure and bring you down. For me, I went lone trips in nature or with others to find the joy of life

22Hoofhearted · 2023-09-28T00:19:52+00:00

What you're finding out now is that you'll have to develop character and personality to continue your success with women. Welcome to the real world.

SimplyADesk · 2023-09-28T03:45:49+00:00

Everyone goes thru it, we all have our own timeline. But I’m proud of you opening up and overcoming your struggles of life.

4ktx · 2023-09-28T04:12:08+00:00

Don’t try and be enough is the key to confidence, take it or leave it approach this is who u are

4ktx · 2023-09-28T04:12:29+00:00

Don’t try and be enough is the key to confidence, take it or leave it approach this is who u are

BikesLOVER · 2023-09-28T08:49:18+00:00

Save some money and go on a trip. Clear your head a little bit.

Fummy · 2023-09-28T13:45:39+00:00

I wish I knew. it might be over

Careless-Winner-2651 · 2023-09-29T09:41:02+00:00

You take everything but do not give anything. Change that and you will regain your self-respect.

sauceyzaddy · 2023-09-28T02:28:28+00:00

First learn how to rebuild confidence. Learn how to manage ur money. Then learn a high income skill.

Worried-Schedule-124 · 2023-09-28T04:03:02+00:00

Was the successful with ladies in high school. Stopped reading right there.

wkndatbernardus · 2023-09-28T21:07:59+00:00

It sounds like you're American so, don't forget that you hit the absolute jackpot in terms of nationality, and the opportunity it affords, vs the rest of the world over the course of human history. I mean, even homeless people in the US are doing better than the average Guatemalan or Ugandan. In other words, you already won.

Natural_Gain_5200 · 2023-10-01T08:11:18+00:00

You're doing great, don't worry. AND You've been living it up isn't that awesome? How much fun did you have? A LOT Did you make mistakes? OF COURSE How much did you learn? A TON Was it worth it? I'd think so you're in an advantageous position and had fun getting there... what more can you ask of life right?

kick it up a notch, lets see how high you can go, 75k at 29 w/ the lifestyle described is very rare and good.

You're starting to age like the fine wine men are, congrats bro you should be proud

verdant-ace · 2023-10-02T19:31:19+00:00

On paper, I should be "ahead" of the average person, but I feel like I haven't measured up to all my lies and it's making me feel like a loser and a liar. I want to shake this feeling and get back to my younger self. Before all the mistakes.

This is the true core of this. You have 0 mental point of origin (frame). I think you truly do not know what you want. The easiest way to get out of this, create more options for yourself to at least figure out what you do not want.

Figuring out what you want is very difficult, especially with so many conflicting messages.

Also, learn what covert contracts are if you don't know what this is already.

Another way to look at this, think of all the mistakes you made as now you know what you don't want. And, you most likely made all these mistakes because you were just following someone else's program (some random internet gurus or your group of people) and not something that you created for yourself.

Title	Being broke most of my 20s killed my confidence. What to do?
Author	hard-body-john
Upvotes	129
Comments	43
Date	September 27, 2023 8:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/16tvdz6/being_broke_most_of_my_20s_killed_my_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/being-broke-most-of-my-20s-killed-my-confidence.1233219 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233219

Comments