Last night I went to a social event, lecture and dinner. In front of me I notice a fat (excess 220 pounds) late 50s man, with what surprisingly looks like his wife or partner next to him. I can’t see their faces but I’m surprised how slender (nice ass) the wife looks from behind (I later confirm that it is his wife).

When the talk is over, I get a good look. The dude is a 3. 4 if I am charitable. Massively overweight, bulging eyes, clearly a heavy drinker. He wears a jacket and a pair of jeans that help him look presentable though the awful body. He wears cologne. He looks like presentable shit. The wife is a pleasant 7, mid 30s.

Dinner seat are assigned and I’m next to the guy, he is on my left. To my right is a cutie. Dinner start and the guys starts talking. He is loud, really, really loud, in a way I have never experienced before, and his speech has some weird inflections, slurs his words a little and is very charged by default. The speech is all about him. No questions, just narrative, I, I, I and more I. And I notice something bizarre: I find it very difficult to shift my attention from him. I start talking to the people on my right and notice we are all struggling to speak to one another because the dude is so loud we have trouble keeping focus on our own conversation. There is no space for it. There is only space for the guy, and he does not give a fuck, or maybe he really does.

I decide I’m not going to indulge this asshole with no manners with my attention and so I purposely continue my conversation on the right and I help the people there not get stopped by his droning loud voice. This requires an effort. He start to take quick glances to the right: “Why are we not listening to him?” “Why are we engaged in other conversations”, I can tell he is not used to this reaction. After a few more minutes he stops, tucks his chin in, crosses his arms across his chest and falls silent.

Good, I did not have to be a tool for this asshole the whole dinner through and I put him in the rightful place he belongs to in kinder-garden: neglect.

But I notice one thing and it impresses me. When the dinner started the cutie next to me, 30 years his junior, could not help her self really, really lean into it. It was candy. She was hypnotised. As he spoke to her in a weird, extremely loud and inherently dismissive tone “What law firm from you said your husband worked for?” “Ah… that one… yeah” she was all forward, non stop IOIs.

While I spoke to her that evening, there was exactly none of that. All pleasant, all courteous and exactly zero tingles.

Now, my ambition in life is not to became Jabba the Hutt the Narcissist. It’s just not what I’m up to. And putting my ego aside I’m stunned to see that it works. It just works in a way that defies every convention.

I promise you, you would not want to have dinner with this guy, he was obnoxious, he is ugly, and you would definitely not put 2 cents on anyone wanting to fuck him, anyone. Never mind a cute girl 30 years his junior. And you’d be wrong. If he kept doing what he was doing he could have fucked her that night.

I have a lot to learn.

*For clarity this was my first life encounter with someone that clearly operated by default outside of social conventions with superficial dis-regard of anyone around him. This was not someone with a big ego, this was something else. It was like being at dinner with a lesser Donald Trump.