Advice on safe/modest dating?

Jenneapolis · 2023-11-04T04:33:00+00:00

Meeting someone spontaneously doesn’t usually happen past high school and college so if you want a husband, I think you need to intentionally try. You should be aware that a lot of guys on the main stream apps are going to be looking for sex, even those who are looking for a relationship will often not want to wait for marriage. I am not sure where you are from or what your religion is but there are some niche dating apps for different populations that I recommend when appropriate where the men may be more accustomed to waiting for sex (eg. Dil Mil, salams, muzz, Christian mingle, j date, etc).

Whatever app you use, niche or main stream, it is pretty safe if you follow the basics. While its good for women to be cautious, most women worry far to much about safety - people use dating apps every day and are fine.

Some general safety practices are (until you get to know someone and these are pretty strict, I break many of these myself but for a newbie): - do not share your address. This includes not allowing someone to pick you up or drive you home from a date. I like to Uber to my dates because I like to have someone else there to drop me off at the door and pick me up rather than being stuck in a parking lot with some guy who wants to walk me to my car usually with the intent to try to make out but I’m also in a big city. And in the same vein, do not get in the car with them for even just a chat or whatever. - keep your conversation on the app until after meeting meaning don’t give out your number. Or alternatively, use a Google number so they cannot track your name. - do not share too many details about yourself, like your place of employment, your last name, etc. I usually share what my job is but not where I work. - if the man is willing, get his full name and make sure somebody knows where you will be, when, and who with. You can even let the man know you will be informing someone of where you are. - obviously meet in a public place like a coffee shop. If you are really worried don’t make it too late at night and choose a location you are familiar with so you know your surroundings, the parking situation, that you don’t need to walk down any dark allys to get there, etc. - probably goes without saying but don’t over drink or dress promiscuously - mostly don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. If you are feeling unsafe or uncomfortable, you can end the date and leave even though it’s awkward. You can also ask for assistance from someone who works at the coffee shop. You will probably never be in the situation, but just knowing you have options may help you feel more at ease.

Dehydrated_Jellyfish · 2023-11-04T04:56:17+00:00

Are you religious? You have 10xs better shot on dating apps that narrow down the population to those with your values. If you are non-religious and just modest (very rare), then you will spend a lot of time rejecting and getting rejected on apps. That can take a toll on the mental. Don't go for Bumble. Try a more specific app that is closer to your value. 80-90% chance you won't meet someone randomly in person who will wait till marriage.

PinkSpicyCoconut · 2023-11-04T09:52:45+00:00

I suggest you to watch Mina Irfan’s videos on ‘rotational dating’, she is from a pretty conservative country so all her advices regarding relationships are very traditional, no ‘girlfriend/boyfriend ‘just ‘getting to know each other, stage before marriage and no sex ! 24 is no old at art for marriage that’s a pretty good age actually. Also never accept dates at his places WHATEVER THE REASON!!! Never at your place either actually, never in closed private doors. Not even in a car if it’s a random dude.
That’s what she recommend, you’ll hear it in her videos, some of her videos are quite long but you don’t have to watch it you can just listening to it like a podcast but I mean her videos on rotational dating (aka dating for marriage) are usually shorter. I don’t know where you’re from but looking for marriage within your country (especially if it’s a conservative one) might be a better option because most people don’t understand this kind of culture excepted the people in it. She also suggest dating older for numerous reasons (you can search on YouTube ‘Mina irfan dating older’) which I agree 100% much more things in your advantages, she says 7years~ older is good.

Find the right dating app for you like a comment suggested, have friends connects you to good men they know about

AutoModerator · 2023-11-04T02:31:08+00:00

Title: Advice on safe/modest dating?

Author stellaok

Full text: I feel like this may be the most helpful sub because it will understand my modest (maybe prude) upbringing. I’m 24 and have never been in a relationship, I came to the US and started establishing an independent life here. I have a desire to start dating and potentially find a husband and I know I’m quite late on that for a 24 year old, but I still am very concerned on safety and modesty if I’m honest. I’d like to save myself for marriage and I’m only interested in serious relationships. Do you think I’ll have a chance trying dating apps like bumble? Or should I keep focusing on myself until I meet someone spontaneously? What are some general safety rules I should follow other than not giving your location

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Mighty_Wombat42 · 2023-11-07T04:54:38+00:00

First off I think everything in Jenn’s comment is spot on!

I am also a virgin waiting for marriage and a little older than you. The book “Surrendered Single” by Laura Doyle was recommended to me here, I’ve found it very helpful and maybe you will as well! So your and my long term dating pool is going to consist of two types of men: 1) guys who are waiting for marriage for their own reasons, and 2) guys with past experience who would be willing to wait for us. In the USA, these are not the majority of men, but there are a good number out there in both categories. So then the question is, of that portion of men, how many of them meet our other criteria, and how many of them do we meet their criteria? Generally, if you are more conventionally attractive and live in or near a well populated area, you will get more matches on online dating. That’s quantity, not quality, but the larger quantity of matches you get, the more likely that you get at least one of the quality you want. If you’re looking for a guy who’s 1 in 100, but you have 1,000 matches in a year of dating, it’s more likely that one of them will be your guy than if you have 10 or 20 matches.

You do need to be able to sift through those men who do want something casual or who want a relationship but expect sex before marriage, especially with online dating. I personally found it helpful to make profiles on Bumble and Tinder, because I have far less romantic experience than most women my age, so it helped me to get practice talking to men in a romantic context and to build up my confidence. I have not yet found anyone on those apps who shares my goals, but I have enjoyed getting to know some interesting people in a low stakes setting (either of us can just block and move on, no awkwardly seeking each other at work for example).

Here is some other advice I have:

If you are religious to any degree in any faith that values celibacy before marriage, find a local community and get involved. Go to singles events, go to worship/prayer services, join a women’s group and make friends with the older married women. First off you never know whose son/grandson is looking for a wife, second it is always good to be around women who share your traditional values and I have learned a lot from hearing happily married women talk about what strategies worked for them.
Keep the focus positive, but clearly state your expectations in your profile (if online) or when appropriate (in person). For example, talk about why you do want to share your first sexual experience with a future husband, not why you don’t want to have sex with a boyfriend. But do make sure to be clear that you are looking for a relationship to lead to marriage, and that you are not interested in sexual encounters.
Be careful about doing things that imply sex, such as “Netflix and chill”. There is a lot of innuendo and euphemisms around hook up culture, but most of the time, guys will say what they mean clearly if you ask them to explain.
This may be unpopular here but be very careful with walk/nature/hiking first dates! I do enjoy these types of dates once I’ve gotten to know a guy, and it’s fine if you’re in a public place with people around like NYC. But just be careful if it’s in a secluded spot where you can’t guarantee there will be other people around, both for your safety and in case he tries to make a physical move you aren’t ready for.
Don’t go back to his place, don’t invite him to yours, until you know him well enough. Even after a second or third date I wouldn’t recommend inviting him over without other people there, especially not at night, because that is an intimate setting and can imply that you are open to him making a move. That can come later, once you trust him and have established that you both have similar dating goals.

Title	Advice on safe/modest dating?
Author	stellaok
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	November 4, 2023 2:31 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/17nbv8l/advice_on_safemodest_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice-on-safemodest-dating.1237320 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237320

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