Let me preface this by saying I found this sub by accident. I thought I wouldnt even relate to this but my curiosity took the best of me. I did not expect to find so much wisdom here, Im just an early 20s guy whos trying to figure out life (in general actually).

So a bit of a background last year I was in a LTR. I was finishing my masters doing an internship in a very good company, soon I was going to make money, I was finally going to be an engineer. Everything was going great or so I thought. But suddenly in my first month internship, I just started panicking. I thought I wouldnt have time for my gf and for my friends. My friends were graduating as well and pursuing their own agendas naturally. I felt desolated and alone and fell into depression. I couldnt sleep at night and I was having panick attacks. I couldnt focus on the job. Everytime I was with my girl I would complain about the work, the people and environment. Sometimes I would cry too. Then she started to get fed up with my shit and I panicked even more. I realized I was nothing without her and without my friends. I did not imagine myself dating again, I couldnt even imagine being single again. My self esteem was absolutely crushed. I felt so emasculated everywhere I went. I just wanted to stay home, complain about shit and do nothing. She did try to set a vacation for us and date nights, I did nothing. We eventually broke up and I felt deep into the abyss. I did not have my gf and the life we had, my friends were gone doing their shit and I was left alone. I lost the job because I was so irritated I couldnt focus. I was at the lowest Ive ever been.

It has been 1 year and Ive been trying to get back up. I dont open much about my friends and at my age what do we know? I dont have a good father figure as well to help me be a man, learn from my mistakes and plan ahead. This is where this sub came in. After reading this I finally understood my mistakes. I lost my confidence. I lost my frame and was living in hers. I wasnt leading her anywhere. I was showing weakness over and over again. I didnt really know who I was anymore outside of the relationship. This also makes me believe this girl wasnt as bad as I thought. My first instinct was to try to vilanize her but no, this was on me. She tried her best I believe but I was not willing to walk away. Trust me, you do not want to see women in the lead. They are ruthless. They walk over you with no resentment and still call you weak.

This sub has the resources I was looking for. To understand myself and my masculinity and our place in social environments, to understand how women communicate (i swear I was so oblivious till now, but in hindsight makes a lot of sense). I wont dive into details but there are some really nice thoughts in the books on the wiki (the way of ths superior man and mindful attraction plan i believe). I really appreciate whoever wrote this stuff. It really made me rethink my purpose and place in life. It gave me so much motivation to work hard, grind in the gym and overall develop myself as an individual because of fear. Fear that in 10 or 15 years my spouse does this to me.

I lost someone very dear to me but Im thankful it happened. It really made me grow a lot this past year and Im still trying to push myself everyday. I know this was a bit of a rant/generic stuff but if you have questions I can address them with specifics