Ive been following redpill/blackpill/purplepill for awhile now. Current issue: lacking purpose in life. My friends are either partying, travelling or in LTR and Im not fitting in. Im not happy in my own skin.

1 year since divorce no kids no debt. 73kgs, 175cms around 10% bf 25M frugal. College degree, living with parents.

Physical frame:

Ive been trying to build my frame with the infos here. My physique is phenomenal, ive always been an athlete till college. Its hard to improve, unless I consider other dimensions such as flexibility or exceling at a particular sport (ive been just going to the gym for the past years). Or I do limb lengthening, ive been considering that since it makes sense statistically. I have been building my friend groups again, Ive been trying to be more assertive and dominant which is not that hard with younger guys.

Intelectual and emotional frame

I have a college degree and Im pursuing further education/specialization because thats something I genuinely like and value. Emotionally, I miss competitive sports. It gave me such powerful tools to deal with despair, anger and all the feelings of power control. Facing better and bigger opponents I would feel vulnerable, but then remembering all my team mates and coaches I would get a second wind and give it my all. Facing defeat I would cry and strive to improve so I would win next time. No bullshit excuses, never complain. Just the belief in me and the strength of honoring my team. In real life and after like 5 years, Ive been feeling sorry for myself lately and come up with excuses. I often belittle myself in my head, I feel like im undermining myself and my confidence in a loop Im trying to get out. There are always guys making better money, more handsome, taller, etc. Its a fact Im not dealing well with.

I do not know what I want to do with my life. A few years ago, I wanted to be a husband and be the best father to my kids (which I dont have). Those dreams have fallen to pieces, and so have I. I mean I still do but the idea of marriage and love I had and that I have now is completely different.

Most of the content here is related to how you deal with women. I have none in my life and honestly Im not looking forward to it. I believed in love through thick and thin, but now I see that you have to swallow a lot of pain and shut the fuck up. Not complain. Keep working, keep lifting, keep grinding. At the end of the days its always you vs the world. I miss that puppy love where I did my thing and the other person apparently loved me for who I was. The thought of conditional love is scary. I understand I need to fabricate a life and a person which Im not comfortable with, Ive always been naive and genuine. Going to work and assume the corporate facade is exausting by itself. Coming home and assuming an husband facade must be overwhelming.

I could venture myself to make more money 100%. I could try and get a new girl. I could try to get a place of my own even if its not the best decision financially (this is a step I want for absolute freedom). Yes I could definetely do that but I have no motivation.

What can I use as motivation to keep going? Whats the purpose of improving your frame and your life if you dont believe in "love"? It sounds super gay but please be patient (not condescending).

Open to harsh advice and eye opening criticism. Im really struggling with meaning at this stage of life.