Hey all,

Hoping you are having a great holiday season. TLDR- When did you tell you children about your new significant other? When did you tell your ex? I have been seeing my girlfriend now for 8 months and she is my person for sure. My daughter met my girlfriend and her daughter, but only as "this is my friend" when we played mini golf with my brother and niece.

A bit of a back story:

  • We were never married
  • We never lived together
  • We have an amazing soon to be 8yo girl
  • For 5 years after breaking up we tried to figure it out and be together, but we were in complete limbo and still arguing and fighting. I'm talking no intimacy, nothing. Before that, we were on again off again for 14 years.
  • I told her Last February we need to move on. It didn't go well
  • I was never on the birth certificate, but always asked to be on
  • She started acting like a complete a-hole
  • I could only see my daughter every other Saturday from 12 noon to 9am on Sunday
  • I could only call my daughter from 6pm-6:30pm
  • I saw my daughter 6 times over the summer
  • There were so many horrible things she did, but two things that stick out:
  • I found out a week and a half later my daughter had to get staples in her head from an accident she had. The way I found out was my daughter told me
  • When I asked to be on her birth certificate again, she said "no, your daughter can decide at 18 if she wants you on there"
  • I got a lawyer, we went to court, I'm now on the birth certificate. Lawyers are working out a fair custody agreement
  • Just FYI, I paid her a fair child support number off the books (I kept track)
  • Also FYI, my ex's tune completely changed when I got a lawyer, like a 180 change. now she wants to be supportive and co-parent. She also wished I would have talked to her about getting the lawyer before I did so we could avoid paying them. That made me laugh because she completely shut down the idea of a mediator.

Anyways, your advice is greatly appreciated!