Years have gone by and I still think about my high school boyfriend

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-01-17T19:44:28+00:00

You're not alpha widowed and that path can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, so I'd suggest abandoning that line of thinking altogether.

People have fantasies. I have a parallel universe self who moved to Scotland and writes romance novels. In another, I'm a wildlife photographer... and a woman who likes to be outdoors. In another, I met my husband at 20 and our kids are nearing high school age. In another, I majored in a science field and I'm a renowned something or other. We all make choices and shut doors in doing so. That's okay.

That being said, the problem is in opening that door. You can read romance novels without ever having the ability to suddenly be a cute 25-year-old running from her abusive ex into the safe arms of a hot 6'4" cop. You can even fantasize about a high school relationship, being young and in love with none of life's baggage, without time traveling. You cannot contact an old ex for this reason without delving into inappropriate territory. Even if it's innocent, you're still thinking about this man too much, without applying any of life's unpleasant little realities to him that you can't remove from your thoughts about your husband. Just as your husband doesn't clip his toenails as often as you like, tells that stupid story every time he's with his friends or family, talks too much about his favorite podcast or politician or video game... or whatever annoying or gross human thing he does, this man does too. You'll never know that, though, unless you potentially torpedo your marriage by inappropriately connecting with him. In the meantime, you are building up a perfect man who doesn't exist and forcing him to compete with a likely really good one who does.

Delete this man from your Facebook. If you want a fantasy, pick up a romance novel or watch Outlander. This can only lead to trouble. You don't say much about your husband, but I'd imagine he's a decent, perfectly human person who has two children with you and works hard to help provide for them. He doesn't deserve this and those children don't deserve potentially divorced parents. End this before it starts.

xx_AphroditeDove_xx · 2024-01-17T21:41:09+00:00

Messaging this man is pretty disrespectful to your husband.

Remove and block him.

There is nothing wrong with reminiscing about your young self, but you are crossing the line when you continually contact your ex behind your husband's back.

Don't blow up your marriage and family for a fling that happened years ago

-TakeDownMan- · 2024-01-18T22:11:41+00:00

This is disgusting. Delete the messages, then delete him off Facebook. Never attempt to contact him again. This is a massive betrayal of your husband, I don't think you fully understand just how bad this is. Imagine if it were the other way around and you found out. You would never feel secure in your relationship again. Your self-confidence would be crippled for life, and some part of you would permanently resent him for doing that to you. It would be a black stain on your relationship that you wouldn't ever fully get past. Don't do that to your husband. You're supposed to love this man, show him some respect.

aussiedollface2 · 2024-01-20T02:06:49+00:00

I say this with love, pull yourself together woman! lol. Everyone has a past, and there’s no good day dreaming about the past or hypothetical situations. Invest in your present.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-01-17T15:10:34+00:00

I do the same thing sometimes. I just chalk it up to him being my first real love and blame it on nostalgia. I don’t think there is anything wrong with it. To me it’s no different than missing a time or event in your life. I don’t reach out. I just acknowledge the emotion for what it is and when it passes, I let it go.

Not sure if that is helpful.

EnvironmentalWeed420 · 2024-01-18T16:28:43+00:00

r/limerence Go check it out!

Leonhart93 · 2024-01-17T20:06:55+00:00

If it's really once a year like you say then it's nothing out of the ordinary, even the most minor aquaninances can pop in your head that often. For true alpha widow scenarios some serious thoughts and maybe obsession would need to be involved.

RedPillDad · 2024-01-18T06:02:36+00:00

When we're younger, all of us tend to have romantic notions and less discernment. When we idealize our love interest, we fall in love with the illusion of them. As a relationship matures, this halo effect wears off and reality sets in. If the relationship ends while the halo still shines, that romantic illusion can remain intact. Your first love is like your first car, awesome at the time but somewhat of a clunker by your current standards.

Inevitable_Ad6860 · 2025-03-07T02:55:32+00:00

This thread came up as I searched why my high school/college ex is viewing my profile after 17 years. I wanted to say our early “loves” hold a unique space in our memories. We tend to over romanticize the meaning of those first loves, for various psychological reasons. Sometimes it brings comfort to reflect on those memories and remember how we were loved. I think it’s human nature to wonder about people that once had a place in our lives. But it is also important to have boundaries and protect yourself, and current relationship. If you do want to reach out, let your husband know. Don’t hide anything.

Puzzlehead_Rubby2 · 2025-10-22T05:05:28+00:00

I don’t think so at all… Neuro connections are formed when young. Like impressions on a newborn to parents. Impressions of other species. What you’re feeling is normal and natural. The hard part is what are you going to do about it. Genetically speaking it might be your naturally thinning offspring by multiple genetics to ensure survival. This is looked down on in modern society now because for thousands of years marriage was the only way to secure financial stability. However, farther back most people had children with multiple partners for genetic variability to ensure some offspring survived. This is still seen in most species of today. The main thing is the choice. What will you actively choose? However, I disagree that this is unnatural it’s probably a long ago trait for survival of the species.

2024-01-18T04:13:28+00:00

To me, it seems like ✨limerence✨

I know because I have this. I still think about my crush from 10 years ago in high school. At least once or twice a year I search him on fb and ig.

It sucks. I wish I knew how to stop thinking about a guy who probably doesn’t even remember me.

Opalcloud13 · 2024-01-18T16:01:57+00:00

With my ex husband i found myself fantasizing about my high school boyfriend. I realized that this was because my husband at the time was not treating me well at all, and my brain filled in my high school ex as an example of someone who would treat me better, so i started fantasizing about what it would be like to see or talk to him again. I never did while married, but i thought about him nonstop. Once i was divorced, bc my ex hus was abusive and cruel, i actually did reach out to him but realized that reality was not lining up to the fantasy at all. I ended up cutting him off completely at that point. I was putting him on a pedestal as a way to motivate myself to leave a bad situation, which wasn't healthy for anyone involved. I worked on myself and why i felt the need to jump from my marriage into a thing with a familiar person. It was a coping fantasy mechanism not based in reality. I needed to come back to reality to figure out that neither man was good for me.

Title	Years have gone by and I still think about my high school boyfriend
Author	Fit-Welcome2277
Upvotes	23
Comments	22
Date	January 17, 2024 2:13 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/198xh73/years_have_gone_by_and_i_still_think_about_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/years-have-gone-by-and-i-still-think-about-my-high.1243201 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243201

Comments