Ex-LTR gaslighted the fuck out of me. How do I rebuild my self-esteem and confidence?

chachaChad · 2018-03-08T14:20:27+00:00

First step is to stop the victim talk and realize you let all that shit happen you. You’re not a victim. Stop acting like one.

anonanonetc · 2018-03-08T14:21:05+00:00

Take full responsibility for your past. She treated you badly because you allowed her to do so. Now you’ve learned better.

How do you usually forgive yourself for being better at something with time and effort?

[deleted] · 2018-03-08T14:48:26+00:00

You're on the right track. Keep lifting and getting hoes. Don't date lazy bitches that try to bring you down.

MattyAnon · 2018-03-08T14:53:41+00:00

She called me awkward in front of her friends even though I would be fine. She would make snide comments and remarks nearly every day. I put up with it because I'm a very kind person and I didn't want to rock the boat. I realize now how fucked up that is.

You were WEAK.

How do I rebuild myself mentally? Physically I'm in the greatest shape of my life. I'm a personal trainer, tan, good hair, healthy, etc. I feel like I'm not worth anything and I know that's fucking bullshit.

Just get on with your life.

RedDespair · 2018-03-08T15:03:11+00:00

Time will fix this. For now you grind away and take it

quicklogaccount · 2018-03-09T00:21:44+00:00

You learned man. You're not stupid (I hope) and you won't let shit happen again.
Men need to bear something in mind. If a monogamous relationship isn't going well, the alternative to it is a much dreaded world full of easy chicks that'll promptly kiss your ass and lie to you if they must, just to get a turn to ride on your cock.
Keep this in mind. On the same way you found yourself a hot chick in three months after dumping a toxic hoe, you'll find another if this one gives you crap. Or others. It's actually your choice. There's no need to take ANY crap.
Well, that's one thing.

The other is realizing that your self esteem isn't nuked. You're not even hurt. (Hurt dudes don't go fucking hotties in three months)
For various reasons (often scarcity) we end up cherishing our relationships too much, and when men do it, they end up looking into bringing upon themselves the damage that's done to it. We let ourselves get beaten to preserve the relationship, because we can heal but the relationship is "sacred" and "love is above all else". When you have a shitty partner attacking it over and over again, at some point you can't heal anymore. At this point, the relationship starts to take the damage, and then it quickly dies, you detach.
Once it's dead, you ought to realize something: No damage was ever done to you. You were hurt because you cared. Once you stop caring, all that is left is a waste of time, the only real damage there.

If me, or someone else, called you awkward or made snide comments, would you even flicker? Would you have a worst night of sleep? It hurt you because it came from someone you cared about. Now you don't care anymore, there's no damage left. And now you're wiser, if your partner starts to pull such crap, you'll next them.

CutLiver · 2018-03-08T15:20:33+00:00

Stop giving a fuck. If you feel like saying something, don't be afraid to say it. If you feel like doing something, don't be afraid to do it. You need to remove the filter in your mind that's basically causing you to put on an act. Let your actual personality come out and you'll start to gain confidence.

And let go of the past. There's nothing you can do to change it so you need to move on.

Two_kids_in_a_coat · 2018-03-09T00:21:59+00:00

Translation-“ I’m a complaining little whiny bitch but it’s not my fault”.

You build self esteem by doing awesome shit. Not the other way around. You become a man by taking responsibility, not by blaming others. Own your shit, start doing what you want, plan and follow through on how to achieve your goals for the life you want and you’ll start to feel awesome. Waiting to feel good about yourself while you still suck is a losing battle.

Crimson_Medicinal · 2018-03-09T00:59:15+00:00

I've read all of your replies everyone, and I appreciate all of them - even the ones calling me a lil bitch.

I learned from this experience and I'm still trying to make sense of it all. I just want to be a better man. I'm smart and compassionate but emotionally weak and needy. I'll work on it and continue building power and working on hobbies.

AWorseManThanYou · 2018-03-09T07:39:33+00:00

You aren’t “emotionally broken.” You haven’t been in a war. Get some perspective. You are unconfident and sorting through a lot of emotions.

This is normal.

This is how the Phoenix is reborn.

Know that and you’ll be fine. Do not be afraid to take a step back from slaying if it will help get your frame straight.

creating_my_life · 2018-03-08T16:40:28+00:00

You could start by not being a druggie, too.

Title	Ex-LTR gaslighted the fuck out of me. How do I rebuild my self-esteem and confidence?
Author	Crimson_Medicinal
Upvotes	7
Comments	13
Date	March 8, 2018 2:16 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/82xrwz/exltr_gaslighted_the_fuck_out_of_me_how_do_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/ex-ltr-gaslighted-the-fuck-out-of-me-how-do-i.125347 https://theredarchive.com/post/125347

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