I'm 27 and terrified of women amd rejection. I see so many beautiful women at the gym and fuck it saddens me.

I have no idea what to say or what the right things to say are. I've had social anxiety most of my life.

I've been with women before, I know I can be in a relationship and do that well, but I haven't been able to get with women I would really like too.

I've spent the last few years trying to get better. Lately I have been lifting 6 days a week and dropped 25lbs although I am still working on dropping more (5,10) 205lbs.

I am clean today, about 2.5 years from all substances. I refuse to ever go back so I cannot rely on alcohol as social lubricant because i end up shooting heroin lol.

I am a recovering addict and obsession is a big part lf the disease and I'm obsessing so fucking much about not getting laid. Reading about how to, improving myself. But I have not been able to face rejection. Shit gets lonely as fuck.

I've had people say I'm good looking. The last girl pursued me which was awesome because thats never happened ever but she was also crazy which I found out quickly. I had a girl shove her number in my hand before but she was only a few weeks off of drugs and I could not take advantage of someone im that state after being there before.

Idk what to do. I feel like I'm wasting my young years and that I wont be attracted to women as i grow older. I want to have fun while I am young and they are.

I have my own place, pay my own bills, i have money saved but I am not rich by any means.

I was made fun of as a kid by girls for being fat and now I just always think they won't like me and I fucking freeze up. This shit is driving me crazy. I dont want to end up alone but if I dont fugure out how to attract women, I am going to.

What do I do? As someone with extreme social anxiety, around men and women what do I do? I'm tired of feeling envious of other men and feeling lime a loser. Shit I can't even smile at women without fear.

This is embarassing to have to write but I'm struggling bad. Sometimes I am so consumed by it and the fact im not like other men that I have thought about suicide.

Where do I start? I also get this feeling of being unworthy of attractive women. Like I always think I'm too quiet, I dont have enough money, I am not interesting enough.

How do I start without relying on alcohol? I may crave female attention but not enough to put my loved ones amd myself through the drug use again. At least I love myself enough to not do that today.

Sorry i feel pretty crazy sometimes