I'm struggling to align having an abundance mindset, fake it til you make it, with acting congruently. How can you be yourself, be assertive and not be approval seeking, if you're pretending to have abundance that doesn't exist?

I know that acting with an abundance mindset will lead to more success, and I've been doing that, but sometimes I feel like I'm just guessing how I should act. 'What would I do if I had many other options?' I've encountered this more with really attractive women that have more options than I, or most other men do. Sometimes I guess right for long enough to get a date, or get laid, but because it's not coming from a real place of abundance, at some point it falls apart. I push when I should pull, I pull when I should push - I act too aloof or too keen, and then try and compensate. Even when it's going well, it feels like I'm walking a tightrope. And because they're attracted to who I'm pretending to be, it's impossible to form deep connections.

One thing that women respond to most strongly is acting with congruence. When your words and actions match with who you are, when you have the balls to say and do things that demonstrate that you're not seeking approval. It's what feels best, because you're acting genuinely. But I don't know how I can do this if I'm pretending to have more abundance and be less invested than I really am. The two things seem incompatible. I think that faking it is actually making me act incongruently, because my actions aren't inline with my reality - I'm too busy thinking about how I should be acting. But if I act genuinely, I won't be acting from a place of abundance.

So I guess I'm asking, for people that have gone from faking it, to making it - how did you do it?