I'm so tired of having to scrape myself together and pretend like I'm an unshakeable rock of positivity and self-confidence so that I have the "right" to meet women, but then to have it all broken to pieces by them in a few seconds.

I feel sad, lonely, lacking guidance, affection and connection, and I'm sick of having to pretend that I'm oh-so-fulfilled by myself. I want to meet women but I don't have the energy to keep up this charade. Yet I don't know how I could meet anyone, because it will always be me who has to make the first step, and I feel like it's socially "off" to start a conversation with someone if you are not in a good mood.

It feels like a fucking Catch 22 where you have to feel good to have options, but to have options you have to feel good.