So, this is something i remember from my School and Undergrad days ..

whenever i started liking a girl, started getting these really good feels - like super dreamy and super positive

and my heart (or mind - don't know which of these) would start urging me to do 'stuff' to showcase myself better

For instance, wear better clothing, get a better perfume etc - do the equivalent that the male peacock spreading his feathers to make himself more attractive for peahens ( the female equivalent of peacocks )

the problem with this mindset ? it was Psychological SELF-torture ( i capitalized the 'self' on purpose )

because .. the girls never liked me back, were never attracted to me in the first place and it was just bullshit, unrequited affection .. that i stupidly had for those women - what happened was that i was emotionally and psychologically devastated . Showcasing myself or spreading my peacock feathers didn't work and the failure of that to work was really taxing for my self-esteem and my emotional well-being ..

shitty times and shitty days - wish i had known game back then

moving on ..

just now, i might have a shot with a girl or two .. and i started getting those feelings again

the latest urges ? i want to buy better shoes so i can look better to those girls

you can clearly see why this is a bad idea

i should buy shoes because my current shoes are in a bad condition so i need good shoes to wear and NOT because the shoes will help me land a date or lay etc

because the second viewpoint is risky af and failure of which will create way more disappointment than it actually should

so even if you are doing something good/incremental work on you, do it for yourself - DON'T do it for getting girls

this is something that has haunted me for a very long time .. several years and i just came to this epiphany now and decided to share it with everyone

cheers