This is meant especially for recovering nice guys like me who've previously never polarized.

I've noticed that the more I polarize, and by polarize I'm simply talking about actually standing firm on my opinions and expressing my true personality (rather than being wishy washy, agreeable, and safe), the more that unhealthy relationships are naturally being weeded out of my life.

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  • One of my cousins doesn't talk to me anymore because, after her constant venting, I told her that I thought her behavior was unhealthy and making things worse for herself. This is after SHE asked ME what I was thinking. Before, I'd always just nod and say things like, "Yeah, that's tough. Hopefully it gets better", when she needs some honest truth and wake up.

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  • One of my long-term female friends who wants to be text/phone buddies with all her guy friends (one of them constantly tells her she's 'so pretty' and he would date her if he wasn't in an arranged marriage) kept trying to put me in my place when I was changing. I sent her a picture of a jacket I was going to buy, and she said "It's cool but not your style". And when I started to express my true humor, she says, "That was a lame joke". Instead, she just wants me to listen to her problems, gossip about her friends, and ask me "how i was doing" and talk about TV shows and movies. For simply making a few jokes that she didn't like, she's stopped reaching out to me since 8 months ago. This is after constant "friendly" texting on a consistent weekly basis.

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  • I met some new people recently. They are a group of friends and they invited me out to a future hangout to introduce me to their social circle. Then one of the girl texts me and keeps asking me a question that I dont wanna answer. She herself admits its a rude question. I dont tell her. Then she starts bugging a mutual acquaintance and trying to get him to ask me, so he can tell her. He texts me and asks me the question for her, and I tell him to ignore her. He says "i would but she wont stop bugging me, could u tell me?". I say no, and suddenly he says, "Something came up we're not meeting up tomorrow, hopefully another time", and they're both vanished from my life. I refused to compromise to this immature girl's harassment and concede to this guy's placating of her bs, so they decided to cut me.

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  • The other day, I was at a diner with one of my best friends when I started jokingly calling the waitress "hon", and then "honey". My friend, who basically hasn't a clue about game and refuses to put himself out there in any form, said "if you're not used to saying that, don't do it cuz it sounds weird". I pushed back and said, "It was a joke. You can't tell me to not express myself. This is why people are so uninhibited and don't know how to show their personalities or say what's really on their mind". After some silent tension, he switched topics. It's up to him if he doesn't like my new behaviors and the fact that I'm actually being social and taking risks rather than being a robot with strangers. It's also up to him if he doesn't like that I spoke back so directly against him, rather than saying some bs like "well, i dont know... whatever..."

A lot of inner game is simply about finding who you really are and becoming that person fully and unapologetically.

I'm still open to all my old relationships, sometimes against my better judgement because I know it's hard to change when I'm with them. However, that's not going to stop me from changing and they can decide if it's too uncomfortable for them.

The people who don't accept your changes are actually not accepting your true self. You were simply hiding before and conforming to an image that pleased them. Now that you're no longer serving them in the way they want and according to their rules, you're of no use to them.

The people who do accept your changes value you too much in their lives to cut you out.