Do any other introverts feel they need to put on a facade?

Chinaroos · 2015-05-31T00:45:43+00:00

That sounds horribly exhausting.

There are plenty of girls out there, despite what you may think, that would love to dumpster dive right along with you. You just have to look at the right places (art festivals, concerts, cafés, used book stores). Maybe the bar and club scene isn't for you. And that's ok.

If that's your true personality and that's where you shine, then go to where those girls that will love that alternative, intelligent side of you gather.

johnnyboyfart · 2015-05-30T21:59:50+00:00

well your "fake" self is actually also you, you just dont prefer to be in that mode till motivated to by a female. so in reality you resonate with being an introvert because you have created situations around you that keep you in that state. when you see a woman the "non-introvert" self that comes out is the "real" you in that situation.

xBrodysseus · 2015-05-31T02:47:22+00:00

I identify as introverted, but if I'm vibing with a chick 1-on-1 then I can be naturally enthusiastic, energetic, and fun. Same thing with close friends

The introversion seems to show itself in that it's draining to meet or interact with new people or acquaintances with whom I'm not yet totally comfortable with.

In my own introspection, it seems that this is mostly tied to issues with self-confidence and a lack of comfort in my own skin. In fact, it seems to me that much of seduction has to do with comfort: you need to make her comfortable before she'll let you escalate. And to do that, you yourself have to be comfortable in the interaction.

And so, focusing on inner game, fitness, and body language have made a world of difference for me.

bunni3burn · 2015-05-31T04:29:36+00:00

That "be yourself" is what it is. Be yourself. There is never a time that you should be anything other than yourself. (I mean unless you are Dexter...keep the serial killing in private.) :)

Seriously. The thing you have to remember when it comes to any sort of relationships... if you put on any sort of act, you better commit to it for the rest of that relationship. Otherwise at some point the other party will learn that it really wasn't "you". If the facade is what attracted the person to you, then they won't be so happy to find out that's not really you.

As an introvert myself (33F)....we exist. We exist in hoards. There are a ton of female introverts out in the world that would love to meet another introvert. Not to mention that there are many extroverts who like the introverts. I was an extrovert until my mid 20s...then I kind of transformed into a introvert. Apparently as I age/matured I found social activities exhausting and was over them mostly. However I've always dated introverts. Even as an extrovert. I find quiet guys, who like to sit at home more appealing than the opposite.

Point to the long post is just be yourself. There are introvert and extrovert girls who want an introvert guy for themselves. Those people who you put on a facade for will realize at some point that it's not you. So cut the middleman and just go straight to being yourself. :)

callumrulz09 · 2015-05-31T01:56:21+00:00

I do it whenever I know im going to be socialising for extended periods of time. After a while it is exhausting and I will need a day or two to "recharge the batteries".

Even if that means im socialising but taking a much more laid back approach and not engaging in conversation as much as I would had I "prepared myself".

Yes it does feel like it "isn't truly me" but if I can manage to put the facade of an outgoing, fun-loving sociable guy when I need too, im more than happy to have other days where I don't feel the need to go out at all as im content with my own company or the company of one or two other people.

Does it feel like a lie? Sometimes yes, but as people don't often see my more introverted side they just assume that im always ready to party, which is good to know even if i don't personally see it.

2015-05-31T04:30:59+00:00

Almost the same here. First date, I try to act as social as possible. Any date after, I go with the flow of life, trying to focus on her though my ADD makes that difficult. I might actually insult her as well, by accident, so if I take my medication before hand, that's even better. I just say what's on my mind and do what I feel like doing.

Starkboy · 2015-05-31T04:48:11+00:00

Sometimes.

poroso · 2015-05-31T04:54:46+00:00

Hey man, just wanted you to know you're not alone. I could be described pretty much exactly as you described yourself and have the same problems. Neither have I found a way to solve these dilemmas yet.

2015-05-31T05:20:53+00:00

I am a pretty big introvert and I am also quiet and intense by nature but the more I interact with people, partying or not, I come out of that introvert shell. I like to think I have a happy medium of quiet and intense mixed with outgoing and fun loving. All you need to worry about is what color shirt to put on for the party. Just relax and take a deep breath, close your eyes if you have too and clear your mind. It will come naturally and you will find that you are not so introverted, just more reserved. Hope this helps.

BitingInsects · 2015-05-31T05:37:19+00:00

I'm just myself. In group settings my friends know me as the one who doesn't speak much. But it's all cool. For those who don't know me, I'm just the silent type. But in a way, I make sure they know I'm not shy. There is a difference. So when I do speak, I speak boldly and with confidence.

JessePinkman88 · 2015-05-31T09:40:37+00:00

It's not really a matter of whether you are an introvert or extrovert (most people have qualities of both anyway) but whether you own it proudly or not. If you are an introvert and ashamed of it, it will be a turn off.

If you own it/accept it as part of who you are then you are happy with yourself and will carry around that vibe no matter whether your being high energy or low energy.

Be comfortable with yourself and your perceived flaws and this will naturally attract the people that are compatible with you.

Pantalooney · 2015-05-31T12:19:15+00:00

It will get better with practice. I too was a massive introvert and the more I spent time discussing with people (male or female), i build my own extroverted facade that I was comfortable presenting. It turns out this facade is a part of me I hadn't experimented before and I proundly present now. It turns out people in general love having chill and smooth introverts around. You might run into girls that are not interested in you, but that a problem for everyone.

You will meet some people who you will be able to talk about everything that you love. Try to stay yourself as much as possible, otherwise there is a chance you miss out on some people with similar interests.

enkae7317 · 2015-05-31T12:36:24+00:00

The age old saying will always be used time and time again, "fake it till you make it."

undniable · 2015-05-31T17:14:16+00:00

You should search for James Marshall's videos. His style is much more in tune with "introverts" than Tyler's. He shows you don't have to fake hype yourself to get girls.

manslutalt · 2015-05-31T19:55:03+00:00

I have felt that way yes. Not anymore. I'm more selective about who I party with, so I usually only go to parties where I fit in just being myself.

When talking to a girl there's no need to put on a facade. By being yourself you'll find a girl who likes you the way you are. Just make sure you show her the best version of yourself. If you think "serious, quiet, intense" you is too much, tone it down but don't deny it completely. Don't try to impress the girl, but don't try to bore her to death either. Keep yourself in a good mood. If you are happy and confident, she will feel at ease. If you are nervous, it will rub off on her.

Starborne · 2015-05-30T23:09:07+00:00

Pretty much the same deal here... Though I can't really provide you with any help atm, as I am also still trying to improve this situation... Just keep on keeping on.

CaliBboy · 2015-05-30T21:54:04+00:00

smoking pot by myself, and dumpster diving

Those two qualities in itself will work against you for finding a quality women.

Trevork60 · 2015-05-30T21:55:25+00:00

Title	Do any other introverts feel they need to put on a facade?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	138
Comments	28
Date	May 30, 2015 9:47 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/37w26q/do_any_other_introverts_feel_they_need_to_put_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/do-any-other-introverts-feel-they-need-to-put-on-a.1286353 https://theredarchive.com/post/1286353

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