~ archived since 2018 ~
Popular
Other
[deleted]
[–]manonpoint_com 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is not too uncommon. It's a problem I've struggled with in the past as well. For me the issue was viewing someone I can see my self dating long term in a different light vs a girl I just wanted to bang. What has helped me is to think about disqualifying features of the girl from a long term perspective--when I come up with a better solution, I'll let you (and myself) know.
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Ah, I can see how this might affect my perspective. These women have the looks every man desires for a LTR so I automatically assume I need to secure their interest and favor. Then I get nervous/uncomfortable and find myself in a scarcity mindset because I’m not used to getting women of that caliber. Of the few stunners I’ve been with, I’ve always considered them LTR potential even if they have values I would disqualify less attractive women for.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Maybe your problem is that you are not thinking about women as people. If you thought about them as people and got to know their personalities to find someone you groove and jive with rather than someone you think or as either an 8 or a 9 or whatever.
Chat women up to get to know them and look to see if you wouldn't be more excited to have sex with a woman that you were fully into.
Maybe that's why casual sex lost its thrill?
Oh, yeah, I’m much more into a woman whose personality I’m also attracted to. It’s also hard to really get to know someone at a bar on a busy night. I prefer actual dates above bar pickups.
I think part of it might be a validation thing. Like, look at how many people think I’m cool—including my friends—because I’m with the extremely attractive woman. Basically I am focusing too much on them being 9s than their qualities. This bar is also always has a good ratio of really goodlooking women though, and it’s local, so it’s kind of hard to pass on.
At the same time I’ve had successful sexual encounters with women I’ve only known for 5-10 minutes. They were all average looking though so I didn’t feel any pressure.
[–]h1mera 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This is because you scale them, 8/10, 9/10... I have binary scale 1 and 0. Woman that I want o fuck and woman that I don't.
[–]skatinislife446 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Damn, I gotta adopt that instantly.
[–]Redgiant54 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is really relatable! I have the same problem and no idea how to overcome it. I think experience is where its at. The more 9/10s you see you can potentially fuck the more you will believe the are actually totally in your leaque, which they are. Also what might help is envisioning the stuff you want to do to her while talking to her.
[–]excentrik-art 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
A, What problem? That is best scenario possible, not having to fight your own stupid hormones. It is called flow, enjoy.
B, You were tipsy. Go 1 drink an hour and half. All benefits of alcohol, none of its disadvantages
I usually do one an hour. But what do you “what problem?” The problem is my mind is something in my mind is holding me back from getting aroused with these women.
[–]RedditUserNo1990 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Dude sometimes i have the same thing. But i usually just kinda tease them about small things - i tell them I’m joking. It’s gotta be innocent though.
So like calling them a dork, or something small and stupid like that usually helps me. But don’t take it overboard and never make fun of them for something they can’t change. Like IQ or something like that.
Yeah, teasing them about small things is part of my natural flirting style. Like I said, I don’t have a problem initially talking to and flirting with hot women. But once it gets to the next stage I self-defeat and am too uncomfortable finally having the “hottest girl in the bar” to actually relax and get aroused with them and escalate further. I don’t know how to overcome this.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I just think that you’re putting too much focus on physical attraction. I’ve been with men who were an 8 and above and always found myself liking or being the most attracted to someone who wasn’t what I would consider the best looking, but had the best all around energy and personality. Also just a tip, I’ve heard that hotter girls are not as good in bed as less attractive. I’m not bi so I can’t say if that’s true or not but don’t feel like you’re missing some amazing sex right now by not getting with a 9 or above.
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I realized it’s not even the sex I’m thinking about, but all the validation. All my life I was just under these highly sought after girl’s radars and thought it’s what I should try to achieve—for the respect and attention. I’d always had those women on a pedestal and still do. I don’t want to think/notice all the social reactions and implications being with a very attractive woman brings, but it was right there in my face and unavoidable. I agree with you that someone you gel with is most important, but I would also like to find one who has both the looks and personality.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I totally get that, I was that way too until I was able to afford cosmetic procedures so I could be a “hot girl.” But then you kinda realize people don’t value you as person as much and you end up attracting shitty people. I will also admit I do act crazier when I’m really feeling like I look good because I can get away with it. It’s also okay to have a preferred type or look. It’s just harder when you go up the looks ladder to find someone genuine or with substance so that could be part of why you’re not getting turned on as much.
[–]skatinislife446 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Haha attractive women can get away with a lot. The first one I met was a blond sorority type that was drunk and kind of annoying. I didn’t learn anything about who she was on the inside, but she was so pretty I couldn’t say no. The second one was actually pretty cool, but she was testy for sure, so sometimes if felt like a cock fight between me and other suitors. I was confident I’d “win” but it was still uncomfortable and annoying.
Problem is, every time I’ve gone down the ladder and been with someone whose personality>looks I start to feel unsatisfied and like I could do better. Feels shitty and shallow but I don’t want to settle and have resentment grow. I’m looking for that sweet spot in the middle.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think your best bet actually may be to go for older girls, like mid to late 20s. I’ll tell you right now any attractive girl with a sorority vibe is going to be immature and try to game men to up her self confidence. Older girls are more mature and also don’t have time to be playing games with guys, especially if she’s working on building a career.
Good point and probably true. Thanks.
[–]QuantumShit00 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Quoting a guy from seddit: ”Spread her ass cheeks and sniff”
But really, work on yourself. Once you do and put enough work in yourself you will start feeling that after all that work you need someone who is worthy of you. That was the way i did it. And i worked beatifuly. Try it out. Also when the time passes, you realize that the hottie is just a girl, a normal human with flaws.
——————————————————————
It is common and know as halo effect. When someone is beatiful you already think that they have a perfect life. They dont. They are just people living a normal life.
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Lol I’m doing more than sniffing.
But you’re right—I need to focus more on improvement outside the context of women. It’s just easier to see short-term results with them.
How did you do it: Meditation, better job, practice being outside your comfort zone, accepting flaws, etc? Just wondering at what point could you look back and realize, “I came a long way.”
[–]QuantumShit00 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I just started one day. I read about meditation. Started doing it 15 minutes every other day. I was an athlete so im working out since i was in highschool. I started talking to strangers, to amyome really, as soon as i felt some resistance i set myself a goal that i have to do it. I started getting better in college and was happy that i am learning something new. Also was reading up on philosophy and self improvement. I realized i have flaws and things i am ashamed of, and every time they come up i would reframe them. I would think “okay, this is who i am, i am awesome”. Or i was adhamed of sexuality so anytime it wad mentioned i felt this weird feeling, snd i started calling it out in my head. Saying “this is totally normal and i have nothing to be ashamed of”. I did all of that while everyday reading up on it and implementing new things here and there. I have written down a clear mindset goal, a world view i want to have. I read it every morning/night. Still do. Stopped judging people. Was always big into fashion and taking care of myself. That helped. Stopped seeking validation and realized i am my own man. I dont need approval from others but i welcome it. Basically every day, whenever i noticed some pattern, or behaviour i had that i did not like. I tried my best to change it. And i changed a fair amount of them.
When the time passed by i sat down and talked to friends, while lossened up from alchocol, about things we did few years back and it just sort of clicked. Wait, i am so much better person right now. And then after a week or two after that realization, all of a sudden i was happier. Also i kind of had this aura around me, i loved everyone and everyone loved me back. I had this clear vision of myself and i wouldnt let anyone change it. Hard to explain but i realized what my value was and i realized that i deserve that 10/10, i deserve so much in life, i underestimated myself. So i started being much much happier, found myself a 9/10 girl and living life. Obviously have ups and downs. Stages where i am depressed but funny thing is every time that phase comes i welcome it, i dont fight it, i accept it. Because every time it is over, afterwards i have an amazing and best moments of my life.
Funny how it is all in our head. Everything is mind game. You conquer yourself and there is nothing that can stop you. Hope this helps you out. You and me both are already on great path. At leadt we are trying to become better. As Louis XIV said: “There is little that can withstand a man who can conquer himself”.
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Wow, awesome. Thank you so much for the detailed response. Pretty inspiring. Im pretty judgmental as well. I find I can’t turn it off but be self-aware and not let it affect my actions.
I also deal with a lot of internal shame harbored from youth. I’ll have to get on that as well.
[–]QuantumShit00 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Glad i could help! Just keep doing it even if it seems that you’re not changing yourself or getting better, you are.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
[–]manonpoint_com 4 points5 points6 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]h1mera 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Redgiant54 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]excentrik-art 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedditUserNo1990 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]QuantumShit00 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]QuantumShit00 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]skatinislife446 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]QuantumShit00 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link