Hi Seddit,

On my last post here, I mentioned first dates are beginning to literally traumatize me. I can be hitting it off great, only to get majorly rejected after trying to go for a kiss. I've had girlfriends before, so obviously this is not always the case, but it happens frequently enough to me now that my dry spells are becoming year+ long situations.

I'd been blaming my physique (I am too skinny, I must not be attractive) but another poster rightly pointed out it's because I am being too NICE and not being SEXUAL enough.

I have everything like conversation, even banter and humor, down pat. These girls I go out with are very fascinated by me, really enjoy my company, but they're just not turned on.

This is something I am now committed to trying to discover. I know maybe i have some limiting beliefs buried into my mind about my sexuality. Maybe that being sexual too soon is "creepy". Whatever it is, I have to get over it.

So, here's my thought - let's do an exercise. The question is this: on a first date, what questions can you ask her or, otherwise, what can you say (or do) to set a sexy tone?

I'll set a scene.

You meet outside a busy shopping center. You either met her online or saw her briefly once before. She's hot - eye-catching burgundy dress. You hug.

"So you drink? Let's check out this cocktail bar." "Yes, of course I drink. Let's go."

You walk around the corner. The bartender nods at you. You both take adjoining barstools and you swivel to face each other. She's drinking a Mojito with a pink straw coming out of it. You banter back and forth with her a little bit, You mention this weird homeless guy who held up traffic on the way over - dressed as Santa Claus in the middle of July. She's going "No way!" and getting a good laugh. So the mood is light, she seems to be having fun, and you feel this is a good start.

She puts the drink down and looks at you. "So, what do you do for work?" she asks.

Your turn.

This is the point where you realize if you start droning on about finances, graphic design, or fixing leaky pipes, the mood is going to drop. This is the time to increase the heat, increase the sexual tension with the right question or action.

What is it? What do you do?