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Let's be honest now Seddit, how much field time on average, do you clock up a month?

rmbarnes · 2010-04-20T12:53:13+00:00

Please upvote the answer that is correct for you so it's like a poll. Times when you're actively out sarging (day or night game) is all that...

rmbarnes

April 20, 2010

0 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	Let's be honest now Seddit, how much field time on average, do you clock up a month?
Author	rmbarnes
Upvotes	0
Comments	20
Date	April 20, 2010 12:53 PM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/btkcx/lets_be_honest_now_seddit_how_much_field_time_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lets-be-honest-now-seddit-how-much-field-time-on.1310185 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310185

Comments

[–]rmbarnes[S] 4 points5 points6 points 16 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]doctorbs 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Virtually none at all. I have a large-ish social circle (40-80 people depending on how you count it) and we regularly go out to bars and social events together, but always to talk & hang out amidst ourselves. I really enjoy them and the time, but I find it incredibly difficult to break away to practice pick-up. It's a shitty excuse and I don't like it, but there it is.

I would like to develop a separate social group that is into this to provide encouragement and mutual learning, but I'm in a smaller town (under 150K) and I don't believe a group exists -- and wouldn't know how to find it if they did.

I definitely don't think I've been giving armchair advice. I've mostly asked questions and anything I have said has come from my minimal field work (which has worked better than my wildest dreams).

I'm not trying to defend myself here -- this post is needed and prods some necessary self-examination. These are the problems I feel like I'm facing, and any suggestions would be phenomenal.

[–]intjpua 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

You're lucky to have an existing social circle. That makes it so much easier, even if none of your friends do any of this stuff or would ever do a cold approach.

Just start leading a bit more in your group, so that when you do bring girls into your group, you have some social proof that's obvious.

I've found that when I'm out with friends, even friends who aren't at all interested in meeting girls or friends who are girls, I'm much better at meeting new girls. It's really easy to walk past a set, back up a step, and open. Since you've just walked by with your friends, it's obvious you're not staying long, and "I've gotta catch up with my friends, but..." is absolutely honest.

There are a couple of things you might have to get over:

Your identity as someone that sits coolly in the corner and only talks to your friends. Your identity is a strong influencer on your behavior. So, you need to break it, and start over a bit. Start working on have an identity of "always bringing new girls into the group" or "always talking to girls", and work from there.

Your friends aren't going to be bothered when you break off for five minutes to talk to girls. If they are, just bring back a fresh pitcher of beer when you come back to the group. Then you're not the "guy that always bails on us when a pretty girl sows up", you're the guy who brought beer.

That said, if your friends are dull or get freaked out when girls are around, you'll need to figure out some sort of solution to that problem. It's low value to hang with friends that freak out about girls. So, the goal would be to start bringing them up a bit, even if they never really appreciate the finer points of the process. And, if you lead successfully, the group will probably follow.

[–]doctorbs 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]intjpua 1 point2 points3 points 16 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

You never say "excuse me" or "sorry...". You're not infringing upon them, you're inviting them into a conversation. Why would you ask forgiveness for that?

I know how it feels...but reality is not what you think it is.

If you must say something to get attention before you start whatever you were going to say, just say, "Hey guys" or "Hey". It's not supplicating or apologetic, it's entirely non-sexual and shows that at that moment you're thinking of them as just a bunch of people, nothing more or less. This is the state you need to be in when you talk to a group of new people, even if you think you've spotted your 100% perfect girl in the group.

The less you try to explain why you're there, why you're talking to them, why they should pay attention to you, etc. the better you'll do in the interaction. All of that explaining is boring, and exhibits a lack of confidence. Getting my head wrapped around the idea that I'm in a room full of friends and that I can just walk up, put my hand on someone's shoulder and say, "Hey guys, do any of you speak Spanish?" or "Hey, does anyone here surf?" or "Hey, have you guys seen that show with..." whatever the heck is on my mind at the moment or that my friends and I were talking about (though I'm rarely out with friends, unfortunately; my social circle is much smaller than it ought to be and I'm away from them a lot due to travel). If I'm actually curious about the topic, it's pretty easy to go from that...I wanted to know for a reason, so I can explain the reason (I'm posting a picture on flickr and wanted to title it in Spanish, so I show them the picture and explain the story behind it; my friends are planning to take a trip and learn to surf next month, and don't know where to go; my friend's and I are arguing about something that happened on the show and what it means...Lost is awesome for this kind of thing, because nobody knows what the fuck is going on on Lost, but everybody watches it).

[–]rmbarnes[S] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]doctorbs 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]intjpua 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh! That's different. I guess.

They'll get over it. But, I also would never say "excuse me" to them in this circumstance, either. You aren't doing anything rude. Just say, "Be right back." or "Going to the bar." And stop off at the girls table on the way there. It's true...you're going to get another beer, or whatever. You just happened to also want to meet the girls on the way (or not on the way). Your friends are going to be fine with it, and if they're not, you can look at them as though they've pooped in the floor. It would be really rude for one of your friends to be uppity about you talking to girls. You're an adult male with normal adult male appetites.

Of course, this is just a sort of philosophical thing I've been working through in my head. I think the language we use shapes the kind of person we are. And, "excuse me" seems like a supplicating phrase, unless you've actually done something that requires excuse (like making someone move so you can get by, causing someone discomfort or inconvenience, etc. in which case it is polite to ask to be excused). In the case of getting up to go talk to girls (or go to the bathroom, or the bar) when you're just a bunch of friends hanging out in a bar.

OK, rant over.

[–]doctorbs 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]monolithdigital 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]monolithdigital 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rmbarnes[S] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]intjpua 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]rmbarnes[S] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rmbarnes[S] -1 points0 points1 point 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]pooflinga 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rmbarnes[S] -2 points-1 points0 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]rmbarnes[S] -2 points-1 points0 points 16 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]rmbarnes[S] 0 points1 point2 points 16 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link