Dating multiple women?

lurk-moar · 2011-04-10T22:41:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

intjpua · 2011-04-10T23:00:36+00:00

Do any of them believe you are being monogamous and not seeing other women?

And, by that, I don't mean merely, "We've never talked about being monogamous or commitment." I mean, do they believe you are monogamous, even though you've never said you are? Would they be pissed if they heard through the grapevine that you were out with another woman? If you can honestly answer "no" to all of those things, then you're doing nothing wrong.

If, on the other hand, any of these women believes there is a more serious future with you and is making plans and such, you might be an asshole.

I'm not a fan of the dramatic "I'm seeing other women" talk that I see mentioned here a lot, either, because it indicates a failure to be very honest from the very beginning.

Girls I meet tend to know I'm dating multiple women from very early on, usually the first conversation, because I'm not being secretive or furtive about it. I think there's a weird disconnect where guys know that pre-selection is a positive thing in the vast majority of cases, but they still tend to instinctively want to hide their relationships from girl's they're attracted to. I make sure there are pictures of the girls I'm dating on my phone, I don't clear text message histories and call logs and such, if girls leave me notes around the house I leave them laying around, if there are condom wrappers in the trash can I don't empty it before a new girl visits, etc. It's not a willful "try to look like a player" thing, but it is making a conscious decision not to look like boyfriend material and to look like exactly what I am, which is a guy who likes women and tends to like having two or three in my life at any given time. (But more than that is too many. I'm lazy and like my sleep.)

The girls who aren't looking for a fun, mostly sexual, relationship are given many opportunities to bail, and they never get the shock of a "I'm seeing other women" talk, which I don't think has ever gone well in any instance I've heard sedditors using it.

Anyway: Use condoms (or choose only one girl for unprotected sex, and get both of you tested before losing the condoms), get tested regularly (even when using condoms), don't lie to anyone about anything, and treat everyone with respect. If you do all of that, you are not an asshole.

takatori · 2011-04-10T23:34:15+00:00

I'm seeing four women right now, and I think it's natural for someone to get attached when they've been seeing you a lot or for a long time. The problem comes from when they assume you're also becoming attached.

It's going too far when you make them think the relationship is something different than it is. That should make you feel bad.

Two of the women I've seeing are older, a career type and a divorcée explicitly just looking for fun, one's a club type who still goes out with her girls on the weekend so no expectations, but the other is 11 years younger than me and looks me with these puppydog eyes that make me think she's starting to fall for me.

Don't pull too much- it's best to push them off a few times, make yourself unavailable Fri & Sat, don't let them feel entitled to your time, don't let them feel they're your girlfriend. Unless you want that--then you have to drop the others.

Edit: Like intjpua said, condoms all around, right? But I wouldn't go unprotected at all.

2011-04-11T01:42:36+00:00

the only thing you're doing wrong is second guessing yourself. you seem to be a guy with good instinct, learn to trust them more, move forward youll get what you want.

Nexism · 2011-04-11T03:23:45+00:00

This goes in relationship_advice (or even askseddit at best).

Nothing about seduction or seduction techniques in your post.

Regardless, if they all know you're not their "boyfriend" and that you're dating other women, it's fine.

Qocaine · 2011-04-11T15:04:35+00:00

I have been doing this for roughly 1.5 years and my conclusions is if they dont ask, dont tell. If they ask do tell! (be a gentleman). And theres no universal law whats right or wrong in dating multiple girls. it all boils down if you can handle the moral issues that you one day start to have.

2011-04-11T16:17:12+00:00

There's nothing wrong with seeing multiple different women casually as long as you don't lead them to believe that you're being exclusive or want a serious relationship. I'm currently dating multiple different girls and when I start seeing them casually I make sure to tell them exactly what I'm not looking for in a relationship before things get too serious.

theawesomeone · 2011-04-10T22:27:17+00:00

Nope you are doing it all win. Charlie sheen would be proud. Also, tiger blood like, such as.

lostmessage256 · 2011-04-11T18:33:20+00:00

If its casual and everyone involved know and accepts it then you're not doing anything wrong.

builduup · 2011-04-12T01:26:36+00:00

If you've been honest with them and it doesn't bother any of them, who is it hurting. Or, if you're just in it to have fun and haven't told any of them, well that's all up to you to. If you feel like what you're doing is wrong, make a decision. If it's pure personal gratification, well at least you're getting fucked.

revtrot · 2011-04-11T05:12:07+00:00

No your not doing it wrong. You are doing it all right thats why you have 4 women on you. Remember though - those girls probably also have multiple men.

bubbagumpy017 · 2011-04-10T22:35:30+00:00

dont be a dick

Title	Dating multiple women?
Author	lurk-moar
Upvotes	14
Comments	15
Date	April 10, 2011 10:13 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/gmxms/dating_multiple_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dating-multiple-women.1317234 https://theredarchive.com/post/1317234

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