Hey dudes,

Recently I did some approaches at a bar in the evening and a festival before that, ending up with two numbers (both legit) and several blowouts. But thankfully, none of them were harsh. No ridicule, no hard ignoring, no wounds to lick – just polite departures and sets that didn't ignite.

And that's what made it a great night for me: numbers are nice, but good reference experiences are priceless. I learned that even when you don't succeed, you don't always fail epically.

What helped this happen, I think, is opening with a strong frame, as I talked about last FR. If you go in timidly, or with validation-seeking vibes, you'll probably get blown out harder, faster, and more often. If you go in strong, with a commanding tone of voice and an unreactive, self-sufficient attitude, even if they're not attracted they'll still feel reluctant to blow you out hardcore.

At least that's my theory (dissenting opinions welcome). So here's the FR.

Part I

This was a festival I volunteered to help out with, partly so I could get in free, and partly because I thought that might create interesting dynamics for meeting girls. As you'll see, it helped with fellow volunteers – we had an instant connection, and I had a pretty easy time talking to them. Almost like warm vs. cold approach. But I think it made it harder to meet other girls – I had this dorky, ill-fitting "volunteer" shirt on, and possibly seemed lower class, due to being in an essentially servant capacity.

The first woman I open looks like she's in her 30s, and seems to appreciate the attention, but after a minute or less politely excuses herself. She seems like she might be married, which maybe was the main problem, or maybe I just didn't do a good job. My point though is that she didn't get bitchy or cold on me. Onward.

Later in the night, I open a cute girl (a bit less cute once I saw her up close, but still attractive) talking with her friend. Totally nonreceptive: they're replying, but slowly and curtly, with a bit of "who the hell are you and why are you talking to us" vibes in their voices and faces. (A touch of "is this guy going to pull this off" wonderment, but mostly "wtf" vibes, lol.) I don't care. I keep plowing for a few minutes. Possibly I could've warmed them up, but I stumbled on a few things I was trying to say, and it was clearly going nowhere. So eventually I smile and wish them a good night, and go on my way. I pass them later in the night, and instead of avoid eye contact out of some irrational sense of shame, I wink at the friend and pass with my head high.

The moral: again, I get blown out (or at least, get nowhere), but it really isn't a painful experience.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch: it's an IOI smorgasbord with the volunteer girls. The cute ones are on other shifts, but I eventually get some chances to talk with one of the cutest ones. If I just saw a photo of her, I'd think she was pretty but not my type, but OMG – her facial expressions/movements were adorable as hell. Something in the eyes. Anyway, she mentions she's never been to a well-known bar nearby, and asks if I have, which seems like a big IOI, and of course, I say we should go, now. "Normally I totally would," she says, "but I'm training for a marathon in the morning, I really can't stay out late." It seems sincere, so I don't take it personally, and just get her number. Onward!

Part II

Around 11:30 I meet sors37 at a cluster of bars. We hit the one that seems to have the hottest girls, naturally.

We get in, and the girls are indeed hot, but sadly, the hottest ones are upstairs in the bootydance club part of the joint, and I wasn't feeling up to trying totally physical dance game. Downstairs is more chill, so I head downstairs.

On the stairs I tell two girls they can't stand on the landing, they have to go up or down. Not trying to pick them up, just having fun and warming up. One laughs, one is like, whatever you rando.

In a bit I open a girl near the bar. I'm experimenting with a sort of skeptical, rapport-breaking vocal tonality, so I randomly tease her about her name ("What kind of a name is that?") even though it was perfectly normal. She's loving it, or at least liking it, and we chatted for a bit more. Way more receptive than the two-set earlier, but still, I don't feel much of a spark igniting, and I'm not extremely into her to begin with, so I eject.

A bit later I see a girl with light wavy hair, not as hot as some of the girls at that bar, but definitely attractive, and she looks a bit nerdy, which I dig. I sit down next to her, and as usual, open with something generic in a strong tone of voice, and start plowing. We end up talking a good while, and she seems pretty cool.

Here's what I liked about this conversation. I'm working on being more sexual/romantic and less of an entertainer lately (see my day 2 report I'm posting in a bit). Early on, she says she's new to the area, and I ask, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"

"No," she says.

"Do you want one?" I say with a smile.

"Maybe," she says with a blush. I change topics after that, but I think it was good to get that frame out in the open early on.

12:30 rolls around, and I'm trying to get regular sleep these days, so I decline to try to pull her to an open-late restaurant and then home (which would've been hard anyway, she was with her roommates). I get her number and walk home solo but content.

Epilogue

On the walk home, I see a group of three hot girls walking past me, and decide to try the cotton candy opener (I forgot whose it is) just for shits and giggles. It was kind of bizarre:

"Hey, do you guys know where I can get cotton candy this time of night?" Random-ass question in a confident tone of voice.

They stop, which blows my mind a little. Don't groups of hot girls keep walking when strangers approach them on the street? They're like, "No, wow, cotton candy?" etc. etc. One of them says something I'm still puzzling about: "You're just being nice. Like jerk nice though," or something along those lines. She puts her hands on her hips (perhaps imitating my posture) when she says the second part. I have no clue what she means.

I have no particular aim beyond trying out that opener and resisting AA, so I tell them, "It's OK, I'm just playing with you," and start walking again.

TL;DR – opened sets, some went well, some went badly, but not that badly