I feel like I'm becoming an asshole.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-08-11T01:12:44+00:00

One of the goals of pickup is to find better quality women, to find women that have the qualities you seek. Any relationship you would want with a woman will include sex. Certainly you will have multiple relationships before you find the right woman, and become comfortable with what you express of yourself in a relationship. Women struggle with that too. So don't beat yourself up. You're exploring relationships. Good for you. Have some more relationships.

Goron40 · 2011-08-11T01:32:37+00:00

First step to not being an asshole: Use paragraphs.

razqel · 2011-08-11T00:14:45+00:00

Not sure what you want guidance on. Can you be more specific?

Here's how you avoid hurting people:

Be honest and never lie about your intentions or expectations. It's okay to not know at the moment what you want, but it's not okay to mislead someone.
Leave them better than you found them. Build them up and be a value giver. Let them know you appreciate and enjoy your time together.
Look out for their best interest. If she becomes depressed about your player lifestyle, let her go and wish her well.
In general, follow the Golden Rule. Being a player doesn't mean being insensitive to others' needs.

sgrundy · 2011-08-11T08:38:27+00:00

Help guys I'm getting too many NYC babes and also I have too large a penis (NYC)

2011-08-11T00:49:54+00:00

You seem like a smart guy. You said so yourself,,, several times in fact. I know that YOU know how not to be a prick, so stop bragging about your big dick and pickup skills on the internet under the false pretense of asking advice. As long as you are honest and upfront about what you expect from the relationship you're good.

eablokker · 2011-08-11T08:29:07+00:00

There's recent research that shows that getting lots of external validation makes people assholes, less empathetic, more selfish, etc. They call it dependent self esteem, because your self-esteem is dependent on what people think of you. So winning an award, or getting validation from women, making lots of money are all give you dependent self-esteem, making you more of an asshole.

On the other side of that there's independent self-esteem. You get that more from things that are within your own control, like exercise, meditation, pursuing life goals that are personally meaningful for you, etc. You need both types of self-esteem, but too much dependent and not enough independent makes you too much of an asshole.

Basically what that means for dating is that you should date a girl who matches your own personal values of what you want in another person. Or the person you're dating should have shared life values with you. That will be much more fulfilling than dating someone for their looks. Looks gets you the esteem and respect of your peers... that's dependent on what other people think. But a girl who you are into, that maybe your peers aren't impressed so much by her looks, that's more independent. Not saying you can't date a girl who looks really hot, for your own satisfaction and attraction, but don't make it the #1 thing or the only thing.

ehbeeseedee · 2011-08-11T03:41:59+00:00

I remember reading on a pickup forum once that the phases to actually developing a strong core game is transitioning from an AFC to an asshole to a stronger person.

2011-08-11T05:13:36+00:00

I was a late bloomer and a geek and always wanted to be with hot girls

This describes me exactly. I'm 28 now and hit my stride around 24 or 25. The thing is I still feel guilty about some of my sexual exploits where I ended up hurting a girl.

But I don't regret any of it. I've learned a lot from those experiences, and gained wisdom and matured a lot because of them. Also the girls that got hurt learned and matured from the experiences as well.

It's important to keep perspective. We always worry about hurting people, but avoiding hurting someone isn't always the best thing for them. People have to face reality at some point, and it's not our job to keep them safe and comfortable.

Now that being said, careful about ideals and generalizing. What I've learned is that there are no solid rules. Every situation is unique and demands individual attention and action. A very wise man once gave me some great advice: Be immaculate. It's not easy, but make that your intention. Over time you will learn from your experiences and mature.

This doesn't mean you can't sleep around and have one night stands, it just means that you need to be honest and do the right thing. This means that you don't lead a girl on to think that you want to commit to her if you only want sex. What you'll realize is that the more open and honest you are with women, the more comfortable they will feel around you, and they will be more open to casual sex or whatever you offer.

So make your intentions clear. It's best to make it about you, and not her. Women don't need a serious talk about feelings when you first meet them. That's usually pretty weird. Instead just communicate to her the lifestyle that you choose to live. You can tell her your views on relationships, casual sex, etc... all without telling her what you want from her, just letting her know what kind of guy you are. This way she knows what to expect. If you tell her that you aren't at a point in your life when you want anything serious with anyone, then she knows that and although she may try for more, she won't expect it.

doomgoblin · 2011-08-11T06:35:39+00:00

Hooking up with girls, and telling them you want to stay single (sounds like what you want), WILL hurt some, others will be okay with it. Ironically every girl I've hooked up with a couple times were chasing after me when I told them I didn't want a serious relationship yet (going through it right now, actually).

I've been branded a player before, not by myself, but by girls/friends that are in similar social circles. Its been brought up to me by a lot of girls I've hooked up with, but in all honesty, it never mattered to them to begin with. Maybe to them it showed I was desired and did what the fuck I wanted. Happened to me in June actually. The girl I was seeing/am kind of seeing (the one I said I'm going through now) told me her friends said that I was just a player/womanizer/etc, etc. She was kind of upset about it. thankfully one of the girls talking to this girl didn't mention we have had sex a couple times in the past. Either way, I didn't deny it, I didn't say I was.

I told her "your friends can say what they want, you can believe whatever you want to. You can find out for yourself if I'm bad for you or not, take their word if you want. I could be bad for you, I don't know."

She replied that she wanted to find out for herself... Even though I was honest, told her I wanted to be single, and she's sticking harder than ever, I was still honest and didn't make excuses for my behavior.

TL;DR: don't worry about labels, people will do it wether you're getting laid or being forever alone, rise above it, you'll be happy that you've been honest with yourself and with the people you involve yourself with.

mast3rcylind3r · 2011-08-11T20:47:10+00:00

I need to use Magnum condoms

Why would you include that? If you've had sex only 3 times, why would you assume you need magnums. Magnums are for guys who think that pulling one out is going to impress anyone. Regular condoms will fit on 99% of dicks.

My advice to you, it sounds like getting laid has gotten to your head. Yeah having sex is cool and all but ten ones doesn't equal one ten; seducing women who are at or above your level is the fun part. Don't settle for less if you think you can get more. Hooking up with needy/frumpy girls below your league isn't hard, I only recommend it if you've been on a real dry spell. Go out there and hit up some real women.

feduzzle · 2011-08-11T21:14:57+00:00

Dear Seddit, I've had sex with one normal looking girl and a fat chick, both of whom I met on the internet. Am I an asshole?

Title	I feel like I'm becoming an asshole.
Author	Mastodong
Upvotes	3
Comments	23
Date	August 10, 2011 11:54 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/jf4vw/i_feel_like_im_becoming_an_asshole/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-feel-like-im-becoming-an-asshole.1321131 https://theredarchive.com/post/1321131

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