Questions from a "weak", "boring", and "predictable" man regarding social circumstances.

sparklyteenvampire · 2011-08-22T02:26:01+00:00

I'm going to be as honest and forthright as I can here, for your sake.

You seem to have a lot of anxiety about other guys swooping in and dominating you, either socially or physically. Has this been a significant problem? Was there a threat of violence? The situations you describe sound like some AMOG being extremely aggressive, publicly humiliating you, and basically daring you to fight. How often does this happen to you?

On point 7 -- Who said you have to be an expert in everything? I would just ask questions and try to learn something, building rapport with the people around you by showing an interest in what they like. Eventually steer the conversation back to something you can talk about, but do NOT look like you're threatened by someone else having a chance to talk.

On point 8 -- The correct response to asshole behavior like that is something like, "oh really, have you ever taught? Well, I have. Try to know what the fuck you're talking about." Expertise in one field means jack shit in another, and anyone who pretends otherwise can and should be called on it.

One major thing I notice from your post is that although you have made some improvements, you don't seem willing to make major changes to yourself, and instead seek a way to seem fun and attractive without really putting in the work to become so. Instead of improving your ability to connect with others, you want others to come to you. You describe yourself as a man for whom women must "settle" -- something nearly all of us here are working like hell to avoid. No, you don't have to be a raging alpha, or force yourself to become a filthy-rich extrovert with a washboard stomach if that's counter to who you are, but the best way to attract people is by learning how to be attractive.

Your post is also brimming with insecurity, and a certain amount of contempt/anger towards others. Whether the contempt is heartfelt or not, it sounds like the "arrogant and condescending" impression you described. My feeling is that the confrontational, aggressive response you've gotten from others stems from their resentment of this. I think your insecurity -- especially about not being respected or included in the conversation -- has led you to try to dominate every discussion, and to treat those around you as adversaries trying to humiliate you. This, in turn, has made them resent you, and most likely they will try to do exactly that.

None of the statistics you described -- 23 and in school, 5'7" and 200lbs (and losing), boyish features, a plain wardrobe -- is anything to worry about. Your insecurity, unwillingness to adapt, and confrontational attitude are what you need to work on, IMHO.

Finally, this:

I usually have to fight to acquire basic human respect.

This isn't true at all in my experience, and it's completely the wrong attitude to approach others with. I suspect you've been mostly fighting against yourself.

All this is meant only to help you. Good luck.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-08-21T21:40:52+00:00

Crossposted from r/askseddit after support indicated better interest here

Excuse me, but would you please not do that? I remember reading your post and intending to chip in a response, after a few people made comments first. But you deleted the post, and you created a new disposable account to repost it from, and this is the only post from that account.

It is technically against reddit terms of service to repost the same comment in multiple newsgroups, especially from separate disposable accounts. This behavior is likely to run you afoul of the spam filters. But what I'm more concerned about is your selfish behavior. If you did get some responses, your deletion of the post was basically a slap in the face to anyone who considered your OP and responded. Along with your post, you erased their generous contribution of their time. And you deprived other sedditors of the benefit of reading those responses. You know, the reason we discuss issues is not just for your personal selfish benefit, but for everyone's benefit.

Please post questions, especially basic ones like yours, to AskSeddit.

turtle_thunder · 2011-08-22T03:18:39+00:00

I think your thinking way to much about other guys, don't compare your self to others. Look at yourself and why you are a person women want, that will help with your confidence. Also, it other guys don't really matter when you are one on one with a woman. Just worry about what you do and how you act once you are talking with a woman and if you do that right, none of the other guys will matter.

absurdconcept · 2011-08-23T00:41:29+00:00

Easy on the vocab. Grade your language to your audiences. IMO, the (socially) smartest people are the ones who don't have to flaunt what they have. They impress others with their overall knowledge, experience, and abilities... but only when those things become public knowledge through natural conversation.

If you use lots of big words, it will alienate you and other people. People will try to upgrade their language to match yours, and some people just aren't able to do so (not that they're not smart). That will turn them off, and some people will feel inferior or find other ways to write you off. Think of it this way... The Beatles had a lot of hits that became famous worldwide, and most of those hits used very basic language.

If someone tries to trump you by openly stating their accomplishments, you can gain the upper hand by being more funny and interesting, and changing the subject before you get too deep into the conversation. Alternately, watch Taylor Mali's slam poem: here

I don't think being alpha is about being the leader in everything in life that you make it sound like it to be. In terms of pickup, I'd say it has to do with being the guy who can talk to anyone about almost anything with humor spilled in... and everything else on the sidebar of this subreddit.

Edit: An example might be sprinkling just a little bit of pro vocab into a conversation when you've been asked to articulate on a point you've made. You don't need to overdo it, but if you use a big word or two, that would probably be enough.

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-08-22T02:37:09+00:00

I think you have the misapprehension that you have to be someone different than you are, to get the attention of women. One of the central issues of pickup is understanding how to display your own innate qualities to women. Mostly we just conceal them, or display them in a way that turns women off. We can be too logical when the approach needs to be more emotional, for example.

I don't think I can give you an answer to all your individual questions, but they seem to stem from the same general issue. You are worried about your position relative to other men that might display more status than you. You wonder if you need such status displays to win over a woman. These aren't the most important issues to us. In fact, we try to be nonreactive to other mens' status displays, to react and allow that to disturb us would reveal our insecurities.

So what to do? Deal with our insecurities. We call that "inner game." We must do some self-improvement, but this isn't building up our egos or anything like that. It's about removing our impediments. Then our natural good qualities can shine through, to the type of women that would appreciate us.

This isn't an overnight process. I'd suggest starting to go through some of the materials in the sidebar. I think you need a little more general PUA background before we can give you some useful advice, something more specific to your situation. But a lot of your questions are standard stuff that basic PUA materials will cover.

MakinBacon · 2011-08-21T23:44:40+00:00

Drop the big words.

You'll learn a lot from this community that will help you. Read all the stuff in the side bar to get started and get your questions answered.

Title	Questions from a "weak", "boring", and "predictable" man regarding social circumstances.
Author	Throwawayanoaway
Upvotes	8
Comments	12
Date	August 21, 2011 9:14 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/jpxlj/questions_from_a_weak_boring_and_predictable_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/questions-from-a-weak-boring-and-predictable-man.1321551 https://theredarchive.com/post/1321551

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