Why do women stay with abusive partners?

ThrowawayPUA · 2011-08-30T19:01:32+00:00

frogma · 2011-08-30T17:27:44+00:00

I agree with everything beerbabe said.

It's psychological, and there's a lot of factors involved. If the guy reminds her of her dad, she's more likely to stay with him- and if her dad was abusive, that's the situation she's familiar with, and she's attracted to familiar situations (everyone is).

If the guy has his moments where he's loving/caring, then the abuse only helps to make those moments more "special."

She's usually dependent on the guy, whether financially, emotionally, mentally, etc. No matter how bad it gets, her "good" emotions are also coming from that same guy. If she leaves him, she loses the "bad" stuff and the "good" stuff.

Or maybe she thinks she can change him, and he probably has moments of regret/apology where he says he'll try to change. So they make some progress for a bit, but then he regresses again. But then they make progress again, ad infinitum.

It's been proven that abuse/hazing tend to lead the abusee to develop stronger feelings for the abuser. She might feel like she's "earned" his love and respect (when he's not abusing her) so she appreciates it more and she's more invested in the relationship. I was in a frat, and we had the same dynamics going on. We got hazed a bit, and it only made me more loyal to the frat (the main reason was because the brothers were all really cool guys outside of the stupid hazing rituals). I felt like I "earned" my spot in the house by putting up with the hazing. And technically, I did earn it. I wouldn't have become a brother if I didn't go through that process.

bcktth · 2011-08-30T20:28:40+00:00

1.) They genuinely love them and don't want to see it as a waste of time.

2.) They become insecure and believe they won't do better

3.) They believe they can change their partner

4.) They hold no self-respect.

5.) Every other reason not listed in 1-4.

beerbabe · 2011-08-30T17:11:43+00:00

Sometimes, they don't think they can do any better. Sometimes, it takes them a bit to realize they are in an abusive relationship, and it seems easier to stay then to leave. Especially if they are somehow dependent on them, like financially. Sometimes, they are convinced the person will change, or they doubt themselves because their partner is different with other people. I think it depends on the person and the situation.

spackopotamus · 2011-08-30T16:58:53+00:00

It seems to me like it's a psychological thing. For some women, being abused and controlled by a domineering male somehow registers in their minds as stability and security. They may think their life has no structure unless they're being told what to do.

RedErin · 2011-08-31T11:51:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2011-08-30T20:09:11+00:00

Possibly because she's unattractive in some way (or even abusive herself), and that's the best she can do.

Either that or she just believes she is unattractive, and that that's the best she can do. For example, on the okcupid blog, it shows a graph of how women who are unattractive are actually less likely than attractive women to respond if they are messaged by an attractive man. It's some part of the brain that is wired by culture or evolution to say "He's too good for you. He just wants you for a quick pump-and-dump. Set your sights lower."

Axemantitan · 2011-08-31T07:00:32+00:00

A lack of a support structure is a big factor. Women often stay in abusive situations because they have nowhere else to turn. A common problem is that their friends and families turn away from them, hoping that it will cause the woman to see that she is being abused and leave of her own free will, but it has the opposite effect, causing them to remain with their abusers because they are the only ones around. It is absolutely essential to be there for a woman who is being abused until she can finally pull herself free and you can be there to help her.

Title	Why do women stay with abusive partners?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	4
Comments	19
Date	August 30, 2011 3:57 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/jz5he/why_do_women_stay_with_abusive_partners/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-women-stay-with-abusive-partners.1321891 https://theredarchive.com/post/1321891

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