How to deal with shitty people and friends...

Coldfame · 2012-03-02T23:20:57+00:00

This really isn't the right subreddit for this question. It has nothing to do with seduction. However you might want to change your idea of what makes someone a shitty person, sounds to me like you're holding people to an impossibly high standard (everybody lies and flakes sometimes). Human relationships are not logical, and you can't logic them into a place you like them.

Try one of the advice subreddits, I can't think of a good one off the top of my head but you could start with /r/relationship_advice and maybe find a link from there. Good luck.

InfallibleBiship · 2012-03-02T23:22:32+00:00

You remove shitty people from your life. If it's a boss, you either find a way to not let it get to you, or you change jobs.

Friends get extra leeway, but if they are shitty too often or do some extraordinarily shitty thing, you remove them from your life.

Logic is great, but it's not how the world works.

Usually the key to stopping being a shitty person is to work on your own issues. Identifying the issues and being honest with yourself are critical. It helps to be able to talk to someone non-judgmental about it, which is why close friends and therapists exist.

Marsupian · 2012-03-03T00:16:29+00:00

Maybe just stop caring so much and enjoy yourself despite the people around you not being perfect? If someone does something you don't like just let them know in an appropriate way and get it out of the way or ignore it and move on.

spreaddozer · 2012-03-03T00:55:09+00:00

I honestly struggle with this exact same thing, and a good thing to do to curb the OCD about logic and truth is to remember that you aren't infallible either. Where you see flaws in logic, they see flaws in your inability to let things slide. Its hard, I know this, but it's worth it to keep from getting frustrated with friends and friends from getting frustrated with you

1independentmale · 2012-03-03T00:56:54+00:00

It's totally up to you, man. Keep them in your life or not. There is no right or wrong answer here. If, however, you choose to keep them in your life, you must choose to accept them for who they are. Flaws and all. Otherwise you'll drive both you and them crazy.

I have friends I can talk to and friends I can't because I know they'll run their mouths. I have friends I can count on and friends I can't. We all have our quirks and issues.

A former best friend of mine has developed the inability to return messages or calls, make or keep plans, etc. It's not just me - he does it to everyone. I finally gave up on the guy. I still count him amongst my friends, I just don't see him more than a few times a year anymore because I've tired of chasing him down and twisting his arm just to get him to break away from his MMORPGs and commit to a social engagement.

ThrowawayPUA · 2012-03-03T03:52:20+00:00

You are driving yourself crazy by expecting people to behave according to your belief system, and it's just not going to happen. When they don't do what you expect, you can get upset or angry. Your belief is that people should be honest, and pay the penalties for dishonesty. But how many dishonest people have you seen who seem to be positively rewarded for their dishonesty? It can (and will) drive you nuts.

So you are going to have to look closely at what you do and don't have control over. This is a common exercise in 12 Step groups. I joined Alanon over exactly this sort of problem, and here's how my exercise went, I had to write it down in two columns, but it boiled down to this:

Things I have control over: Me.
Things I have no control over: Everything else.

So you can control your reactions to what people do, but you can't control what people do. You don't need to try to "punish" people for lying by withdrawing yourself, but you don't have to be treated like a doormat either.

There's an old saying, "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" Well of course you want both. But that generally doesn't happen. You will be a lot happier if you can let go of the need to be right, the need for people to see how they wronged you and should change.

AboveThee · 2012-03-02T23:18:13+00:00

Deal With It

lookiamapollo · 2012-03-03T02:03:18+00:00

I just remove them from my life.

pleasefeedme · 2012-03-06T07:45:44+00:00

The fact that you post stuff like this in /r/seduction all the time, and this plus tons of other evidence that any one can find browsing your post history. You seem to have a resentment to women and get offended by friends not hanging out with you. you may be a possible closeted homosexual and in self denial (nothing wrong with that) , this can make hanging out with you awkward as you treat your friends possessively and feel the need to "seduce" people into friendships.

Title	How to deal with shitty people and friends...
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	26
Date	March 2, 2012 11:00 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qf4s3/how_to_deal_with_shitty_people_and_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-deal-with-shitty-people-and-friends.1329219 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329219

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