I need help with staying outgoing and talkative. Any advice/good books ?

seedit · 2012-11-15T13:14:56+00:00

When we first learn a skill, any skill, we often get the desire to quit because it's hard to get the ball rolling. We're often too lazy to even give that initial energy investment that gets the ball rolling.

There are lots of good books out there (that one by Dale Carnegie is great). However, in the end, books may help you learn the theory, but without practicing, you will never know how to apply it. Just do it. Just. Do. It.

That something that prevents you from doing it is yourself. It's a natural desire, that everyone has, to stick within your comfort zone. Part of being a mature adult is to push the limits of your comfort zone.

It'll get easier with time. Work honestly, but not fanatically (rest is just as important as work). Realize that this kind of shit takes a long, long time. Months, if not years. But it's not like, "I invested 4 years of my life into this, and then suddenly sex!" You'll get little successes along the way that'll keep you motivated (first cold approach make-out, first cold approach number, first 10-minute lay, etc.

budguy68 · 2012-11-15T18:23:09+00:00

I say watch Tyler Durden. Especially Blue Print decoded. Watch his videos and maybe try to imitate him. He is a master of being able to BS for hours and keeping people interested.

ShootingtheBreeze · 2012-11-15T21:24:18+00:00

That's great that you've been initiating conversations with strangers. That's a difficult task for anyone.

As an introvert myself, I often get frustrated with myself when I'm not excited or interested in conversing with other people. And then, it snowballs. I completely become disharmonious with them and the conversation. It's draining and it makes me question my own value.

One of the most powerful lessons I've learned is that it's okay to not always be engaged in conversation. The time I have alone thinking and doing things for myself that are valuable to me (ex. reading, writing, web-surfing). Often, I build confidence from having this alone time. It puts me in a comfortable state of mind, which allows me to interact with more ease and less frustration.

So, maybe allow yourself some guilt-free alone time. This might be difficult due to the nature of your job, but during breaks, take them alone. Go for a walk. Go to a store. Do some reading. It'll be refreshing.

For me, this is helping me to live life on my terms. I don't feel as bad about not hanging out with people all the time at work, or going out every single night. My alone time is important. It gives me energy and is enjoyable.

Moreover, when I do go out, I'm a lot more engaged in conversation. I live in the moment because I'm not craving that time alone to do my own thing. The lack of preoccupation helps me to listen better and feel more lively. Ironically, allowing myself to be asocial betters my social life.

Now, I'm not advocating becoming a hermit. Verbal communication is important, but what seems to be working for me is quality over quantity. Don't be afraid to pick and choose your conversations - whether it be with your best bud or that hottie you see in the mall. I find the momentum you get from quality conversations exceeds the momentum from mediocre interactions.

Everyone is different, but this seems to be helping me.

seedit · 2012-11-15T14:27:39+00:00

Try and joke around with people and have a fun conversation. If your conversations are like a Q&A it gets old pretty quick.

legendofpasta · 2012-11-15T21:46:04+00:00

How to Win Friends and Influence people is the first and possibly only pick up book you'll ever need and its not even about seduction.

Desmadre · 2012-11-15T20:28:34+00:00

Trying acting (or speaking) like you would if you were hanging out with your best buddies. A common issue is people care far too much how the other person is perceiving them during the initial contact/conversations. Think in your head how you act around people you have known for a long time and try to emulate that.

Also control your breathing it helps. Poor breathing results in poor body language.

Title	I need help with staying outgoing and talkative. Any advice/good books ?
Author	kid-vicious
Upvotes	8
Comments	7
Date	November 15, 2012 6:40 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/13891t/i_need_help_with_staying_outgoing_and_talkative/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-need-help-with-staying-outgoing-and-talkative.1342832 https://theredarchive.com/post/1342832

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