In the interest of full disclosure, the Freeze Out is very old school technology, I think from around 2000 or so. I’m sure other guys did it before then, but that’s about the time it entered the Community. My point though is that this is not my idea and my contributions are minimal. I’m just writing this because it gets left out of a lot of books, seminars, and YouTube series, despite being one of the most effective discoveries the community ever made.

The Scenario

You meet a girl, you’ve gone out once or twice, or maybe you just met her that night and extracted to an instadate, either way, it’s someone you haven’t had sex with yet. You manage to get her back to your place, things are getting hot and heavy, a few pieces of clothes come off, and then she draws a line. Nope. Not having sex tonight, but you can still make out.

So you keep making out, and like every other hot blooded male, you try to make a move again. And again, she stops you. Welcome to Blue Ball City – Population: You.

If you keep trying to push forward, there’s a good chance you’re going to piss the girl off, and then you’re in an even worse spot because you’re definitely not having sex the next time you see her.

The Technique

The move you want to do here is the Freeze Out. Physical escalation was the Plan A, but it isn’t working, so you go in the complete opposite direction. You try to escalate, she stops you, say something about boundaries, and before she can go back to just making out, you get up, turn on the lights, turn off the music, and go do something else. Check your e-mail, turn on the TV, whatever.

She’s going to ask what you’re doing, and you respond that you want to respect her boundaries. Now Blue Ball City is Population 2, and she has to decide whether she’s okay stopping, or if she’s okay going forward. Women get horny too, and so there’s very good odds that she’ll decide that sex isn’t such a bad idea after all.

There’s also a good chance that she’ll just repeat her position, that she wants to fool around, she’s just not ready to have sex with you yet. If she does this, you respond with the basics of male anatomy. You can tell her that you’d like to just fool around without having sex, but you know you’re not going to be able to control yourself, and so the only safe move for both of you is to just stop fooling around for a while. And by the way, can I get you something to eat? I’m hungry.

But Aren’t You a Manipulative Asshole?

Some people criticize this technique as being incredibly manipulative. They’re right, it is, and you need to decide for yourself if this is something you’re okay with doing.

Personally, I think it’s okay. Before the freeze out, she was saying “I want to do X and Y, but not Z.” You’re responding with “I want to do X and Y, but only if we also do Z.” Or for the logic nerds, she’s saying “(X&Y)&~Z” and you’re saying “X&Y->Z.”

You are both adults, and are both entitled to set your own rules. She isn’t obligated to do anything she doesn’t want to do. What a lot of guys don’t realize though is that you’re also not obligated to do anything you don’t want to do, and if making out without progressing to sex is something you don’t want to do, then you don’t have to do it.

If she’s really young and a virgin, and this is a huge emotional decision for her though, I wouldn’t go near this technique. You may still want to stop, but because you actually think you ought to stop, and not because you’re trying to move things forward.

Other Uses

This technique can be used outside of bedroom fun times.

For instance, if she has a boyfriend she complains about and says she’s going to break up with, but in the mean time is flirting with you and generally being a cock tease, freeze her out. Say you’re interested, but think flirting with her is inappropriate while she still has a boyfriend. You stop yourself from looking like a chump who’s desperate for attention from anyone who will bat her eyes at him, you speed things along if she is actually going to break up, or most likely, you call her bluff and discover she wasn’t going to break up with him and just liked the attention you were giving her.

Other Billy Guides: Approaching, Approach Anxiety, Kissing the Girl, Neg Hits, Text Game, and Looks