[FR] A night out, with some of my thoughts on openers and their importance, peacocking and how to modernise it, and state/frame

frogma · 2013-07-17T17:47:03+00:00

The start of the night was kinda shitty, but I don't think you really did anything "wrong." When those girls immediately scrutinized you, they were either just being assholes, or something might've been "off" with your body language/tone, so watch out for that. I hardly ever get people denying that I'm new to the area (even when I'm just pretending to be), so I'm either picking the right people to talk to, or I'm just giving off a more genuine vibe somehow (it's hard to explain exactly how, but I'm usually more openly friendly and my tone's projecting that I actually need some help). They might've just been thrown by the eyeliner and thinking you were copying Mystery. I don't have an opinion on it either way, but I probably would've been more openly jokey about it.

Beyond that though, everything sounds good.

To answer your question (about why you give up when you're doing good), I think it's simply because we want what we can't have, but then when we get it, it becomes "normal" for us (grass is always greener, and all that). It works that way for pretty much everything -- it's why rich people still aren't very happy, it's why relationships often grow stale, etc. I once had a super hot cheerleader girlfriend who I was immediately infatuated with, but after being with her for a few months, it just became the norm and I got kinda bored with it. She had a great personality too, but I still got bored.

Hell, there will be times where I flirt with a girl at the bar who's mildly attractive (or not even), but if she ends up leaving, I'll still be thinking "Shit, why didn't I make a move?! Now she's gone from my life forever!" I don't feel that way because I legitimately wanted to date the person, I only feel that way because now I can't have her.

As far as "fixing" it, I don't really know, because it still happens to me pretty often. One thing though is that you can't think of things as "goals" to be reached, per se. You can still have it in the back of your mind, but while you're in the moment, just have fun with it and see what happens. One thing that helped is that I learned to appreciate people despite their flaws (not everyone, mind you, but more people than before). So as far as sex is concerned, I'm definitely more of a "manwhore," because if you're decently attractive and/or have a decent personality, it's not like having some sex with you is gonna be some terrible hit to my "dignity." It's just sex. I think it's just easy for many guys to psych themselves out with an excuse like "Well her nose is too big anyway, so I won't make a move," even though they're only flirting with the girl in the first place because they were attracted to her. In reality, they're still probably just afraid of rejection.

For openers, I prefer situational observations instead of just basic questions (and the advice opener might be another reason why people were suspicious -- it was way overused for a while by guys imitating Mystery). I can recognize Jameson whiskey just by the color of the alcohol, so I'll always make a comment when I see someone with a shot of it. It's good because it's just a natural observation that I'll say any time I notice it, and people are usually impressed that I know what it is when I didn't see them order it. Then I can follow up with some other random shit, and soon we got a decent convo going.

rousseaux · 2013-07-17T17:51:43+00:00

Just want to say this was great fun to read. I don't have time to critique, but it's truly a delight to see 'Spoons' get a mention in field reports.

TheOFB · 2013-07-17T18:52:58+00:00

I get what you're doing with psyching yourself up and making yourself think you are the most important dude there but BOY do you sound a fucking asshole. All those blah blahs and I wasn't really listening or I didn't care wtf you are not a role model.

ashleypenny · 2013-07-17T22:26:39+00:00

I feel like if I was videoing this unfold I'd hit the top post in /r/cringe

Devario · 2013-07-18T14:59:18+00:00

I thought it was an interesting read and a pretty good FR. I read it as hastily as you wrote it. Some of your shit didn't work and some did, and I think you acknowledged that, and since it's a FR, you should note it so that some of us who may be doing the same thing don't do it. I see too many people commenting on threads saying "wow so cringe-worthy" "sounds like asshole" "blahblahblah."

Keep writing FRs, you're doing well.

Hadephobiac · 2013-07-17T19:24:53+00:00

What the fuck did i just read. If i wasnt a fast reader id sue you for my 5mins back. Luckily for you it took me 20seconds

Title	[FR] A night out, with some of my thoughts on openers and their importance, peacocking and how to modernise it, and state/frame
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	16
Date	July 17, 2013 4:57 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ihvd6/fr_a_night_out_with_some_of_my_thoughts_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/fr-a-night-out-with-some-of-my-thoughts-on-openers.1355543 https://theredarchive.com/post/1355543

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