How do I get out of the "ugly" paradigm of myself?

sedditdee · 2013-10-10T14:44:15+00:00

I feel like the question above and questions similar are quite prominent on here. So, I'll just quote a previous post of mine rather than typing something up again.

Here's some Epictetus: "Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control , and some things are not. It is only after you have face up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can't control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.

Within our control are our own opinions, aspirations, desires and the things that repel us. These areas are quite rightly our concern, because they are directly subject to our influence. We always have a choice about the contents and character of our inner lives. Outside control, however, are such things as what kind of body we have, whether we're born into wealth or strike it rich, how we are regarded by others, and our status in society. We must remember that those things are externals and are therefore not our concern. Trying to control or to change what we can't only results in torment.

Remember: the thing within our power are naturally at our disposal, free from any restraint or hindrance; but those things outside our power are weak, dependent, or determined by the whims and actions of others. Remember, too, that if you think that you have free rein over things that are naturally beyond you control, or if you attempt to adopt the affairs of others as you own, your pursuits will be thwarted and you will become a frustrated, anxious, and fault-finding person. "

Here's some more Epictetus: "Keep your attention focused entirely on what is truly your own concern, and be clear that what belongs to others is their business and none of yours. If you do this, you will be impervious to coercion and no one can ever hold you back. You will be truly free and effective, for your efforts will be put to good use and won't be foolishly squandered finding fault with or opposing others.

In knowing and attending to what actually concerns you, you cannot be made to do anything agianist your will; others can't hurt you, you don't incur enemies or suffer harm.

If you aim to live by such principles, remember that it won't be easy: you must give up some things entirely, and postpone others for now. You may well have to forego wealth and power if you want to assure the attainment of happiness and freedom."

And some more: "From now on, practice saying to everything that appears unpleasant: "you are just an appearance and by no means what you appear to be." And the throughly consider the matter according to the principles just discussed, promarily: Does this appearance concern the things that are within my control or those that are not? If it concerns anything outside your control, train yourself not worry about it."

frenchfries1 · 2013-10-10T23:51:18+00:00

I'm sorry, I don't know how to help and your situation sounds like it sucks. But maybe acknowledge in your head that you ARE ugly, but realize that you could compensate in other ways?

EDIT: OH LOL I remember who you are. You used to whine in amiugly and Seddit all the time under another account (FireMarshalBillBurns or something). Like, you literally had 20 posts all saying the same thing. LOL GTFO please.

MonkeyMannnn · 2013-10-10T14:42:54+00:00

I hope someone else can come in and give you some kind of actionable plan to use, but basically all I can tell you is to be the best you you're capable of being. That's all you can do and if that's not good enough for someone, then fuck em.

cewbren · 2013-10-10T14:50:41+00:00

This is something has been fading and reappearing over the time i've been looking at seduction and each time I developed how I dealt with it.

So to begin with when I finally made the effort and started talking to girls, my main source of confidence in my appearance came from female validation. Simply if a girl told me I was cute, I would replay that in my head for a few weeks. Problem was I wasn't going out all of the time so this eventually ran out and I hated my appearance again.

The second spell of self confidence in my appearance came when I started comparing myself to other guys and seeing that actually when it comes to it there are A LOT of guys who are either overweight, poorly groomed, badly dressed etc. Of course there are guys who are in much better physical condition but we tend to concentrate too much on them and don't look at the bigger picture. However this is a completely superficial confidence spike and one that is quite unhealthy.

Lastly what I did was compared myself to what I used to be like, now this takes a while but if you can watch videos of yourself from years gone by or look at pictures and make a mental note of all of the things that you notice as an improvement in yourself. Takes time but it helped me a lot.

sedditdee · 2013-10-10T19:51:51+00:00

There might actually be a threshold below which some women won't find you attractive.

Focus on the others. More importantly, focus on the rest of your life. If you focus on building your "self-esteem" (meaning: how you measure up to some external standard of attractiveness, success, etc.), you will make your life more difficult, as you've no doubt been doing already. Instead, focus on those areas of yourself and your life that don't depend on being drop-dead gorgeous.

Learn to enjoy your life instead of seeking approval from others. You might actually be ugly-looking in the eyes of society. Think of it as an invitation to become less superficial than the people who would use your looks to measure you as a person.

There is more to life. Find out what that is, and you will also find the people who can see beyond your appearance. And maybe not. Regardless, your life will be more than their childishly fearful opinions and attempts at making themselves feel better for living an emptily prejudgmental existence.

DukeCanada · 2013-10-10T15:01:44+00:00

You know what, don't worry about it.

First, look at this. In this thread are 100 stories of women who've fallen for a guy who'm they failed to find attractive at first. Just because you're not conventionally attractive does not mean that you are not attractive. Personality is as important as physical appearance.

Secondly, physical attractiveness is subjective. My best fem-friend calls me a 7.4 (whatever that means). I've had some people call me a 6 and others say I'm an 8. It's all subjective, it means nothing. Literally, absolutely, undeniably, nothing. If everyone thinks you're on a different level, then some lady out there must think you're attractive, and therefor there's some girl out there just waiting for you to go up and talk to her.

SimplePickup5 · 2013-10-11T06:31:56+00:00

OP, who were these people calling you ugly? Sounds like family to me. Family can say harsh things to each other. My mother's told me that no one will ever love me and no girl will ever tolerate me, lol. But those were her moments of frustration, and I don't believe it...anymore. Has anyone you DON'T KNOW made these comments towards you? Before addressing the issue you asked, I want to know if you're even right about your self-image. I have a feeling you might be wrong. You can PM me a pic if you want an honest answer. Since strangers don't usually tell people they're ugly, I think your family has misled you

moyhad · 2013-10-10T22:05:13+00:00

I would personally recommend a few things like tips so you can improve on how you feel and how people see you:

1- LOVE YOURSELF. If you love what you are then you can think in the others and it's the essential.

2- MAKE COMPLIMENTS OCCASIONALLY- if you make a call when you score you will grow up some confidence even if you make a foul of your self.

Title	How do I get out of the "ugly" paradigm of myself?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	21
Comments	18
Date	October 10, 2013 1:57 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1o56u8/how_do_i_get_out_of_the_ugly_paradigm_of_myself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-get-out-of-the-ugly-paradigm-of-myself.1359716 https://theredarchive.com/post/1359716

Comments