I am a 34 [M] extroverted-introvert who likes writing, reading, lifting, movies, music, keeping aquariums and being social to a limited degree. I am social when I am out, but I am not the type of guy who frequently enjoys spending time at a bar. I would rather spend time reading in a coffee shop or lifting than drinking or avoiding the present. That being said, I stopped drinking a while ago, and I no longer look at porn because it removed me from the present.

My recent stint with Plenty of Fish and then OK Cupid was my last, and final, attempt to use online dating as a successful dating model. I’m not unattractive and have success online with regards to obtaining numbers and replies to my messages, and I have talked to woman from all of the world on OK Cupid. In general, the women I message are beautiful and successful, but appear to be introverted, like me, and lacking in confidence, not like me. Likewise, I have talked to women whom are cold and unreceptive or just plain verbally abusive and hostile towards men—I don’t even waste my time playing their game. That being said, these women displayed a degree of social awkwardness, lack of confidence, neediness, or maintained and undesirable lifestyle which kept me from pursuing them.

In my experience, online dating, alone, has not provided me an opportunity to better myself as a human being. Online dating has been a crutch to avoid real-life approaches and experiences. If I could go out into real-life, and then come home to ten messages from different women, why would I bother talking to real women? Online dating kept me behind a computer or a phone messaging women when I should have been at a coffee shop, the gym, the mall, or a bar being social. Online dating doesn’t build a healthy social circle, it is, rather, much like pornography a selfish affair dedicated to a computer and a user. Even searching dating sites mirrors porn behavior—searching for that perfect profile is like searching for that perfect picture or vid. Over the summer, I spend time being social, going to social experiences I liked, but I became lazy and decided to try online dating again. Whereas, I had an opportunity to level up, I chose the easy route.

My last experience was an eye opener for me. I met a 24 [F] out and we had a good time. She was a dance instructor with a thin body and pretty face and bragged how “she was different than the other girls.” Being a lurker of /r/seduction, I said to myself, “Prove it.” Over the next couple days, her messages became more sexually charged. We met at my place to watch a movie, and her conversation with me was immature and frankly weird. She was doing an inordinate amount of validating. As we were watching the movie my hand brushed her ass, and she pressed herself to me and said, “Don’t stop, nobody touches my ass. All my other boyfriends said I was weird.” One thing led to another, and we ended up banging that night. After we finished, we watched the rest of the movie and she went home because I had work in the morning.

The next day, I thought I bet she is going to be weird about this happening. Sure enough, I sent a text messages and hours later she replied. We exchanged a few more text messages and have not spoken in days. I couldn’t help but think that she was just an odd girl who wanted to get fucked.

With all that being said, online dating required an extreme amount of time and dedication to draw prospective women out for meets. If and when the women were true to their profile (pictures, personality, looks), they suffered from self-esteem issues or confidence problems. I could have avoided the time pursuing women whom already had multiple orbiters pursuing them and inflating their egos by talking to everyday women in normal life and finding if attraction existed right away. Frankly, women I have met online have been downright weird and elusive. As with anything, real life dating requires more energy, but unlike online dating, it actually builds your character and experiences.

In general, online dating was a comfort zone for me, and talking to women in real-life was uncomfortable for me. As long as online dating was an option in my life, I was not going to get better at real-life interactions.