Help with confidence

N3sh108 · 2014-04-18T09:15:38+00:00

Just read "The game" by Neil Strauss. That's a great start.

I have always been an extrovert but I wasn't confident enough to approach a girl or even say something smart to someone I knew already and I liked.

Even just with reading that book, you will get a lot of information to get started as well as more material that you can develop on your own.

Meeting up new people is a lot about the confidence that you transmit to others, if people see you confident then your 'game' or 'frame' will stand up (a little explanation: if you want to communicate confidence and greatness but you transmit awkwardness and dullness then people will get that as a signal that you are lying).

Quick hint that you can try, even tonight: This is part of one of the routines I like the most; it's all about being friendly and open, and show confidence and charisma indirectly.

Find a group of people (The easiest one to train on is to find 2-3 guys just hanging by the bar, waiting or having their drinks)
Go there to order and, while you are waiting, converse with them. (They, of course, will never think you are there to pick them up [as a girl would], so they will usually be quite nice to you and even friendly. You can buddy up someone in a couple of minutes.)
Always keep an interesting question rolling (So, guys, what do you think about XXX?)
Let someone answer and, if you feel that the question should stay a bit more, keep the topic alive.
Now it's the part that will make sense. Keep doing the step above until you see a girl just walking by (alone is better, 2-3 is also not bad).
Now, quickly pat her shoulder and, while keeping your body towards the group of guys, say something "Hey, just a quick question: what do you think about XXX (the same question). Mark, here (point at him), said that he think YYY and John (same) said that. Would you believe that?! How about you?"
From now on, you can go on for a bit with this and see if she is a cool girl (who actually answers and can have fun socially) or not. If she answered in a nice/funny/interesting way then move your body a bit towards her, otherwise do not change your stance. (you want to let her know that, if she is funny and cool, she is accepted in the group)
If you like her, introduce her to the group (remembering the names of the newly met people IS A MUST!)
If you want to spend more time with her, just say something "You know what, you seem interesting, give me a second, I need to say bye to my friends".

Then, from now on, it all depends if she's alone or with a group. But this is a good training and a very simple routine to get to, at least, meet new people.

The important bit is to be able to entertain several people at once.

I like this analogy-> Think as if you were a girl: You see a guy who's been sitting the whole night with his friends, not talking, just drinking and scanning the room. You see him and forget about that. But when he comes up to you, that will make you believe he's there to try to hook up with you.

Next, you see a guy who's standing in front of a group (either his friends or a new group of people) and he's asking questions and making them interested (they are actually there listening to him and not just making weird faces). Now, he is talking similarly to another group. The time that he comes to you and your friends and asks a question or tells a joke, it won't feel awkward or weird. It will just be: oh, he is a friendly guy, he's been talking to everyone the whole night; making your approach less of a "seek-and-destroy" and more of a "you happened to be here, so I talk to you".

I wrote a poem. Well, good luck, bro.

Burguesmx · 2014-04-18T06:39:04+00:00

What introduced me to the community:

http://www.conspirazzi.com/e-books/game-strauss.pdf

What helped me gain game for college:

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=4980213&d=1350293144

PellyWolf · 2014-04-18T05:02:47+00:00

http://markmanson.net/how-to-pick-up-girls

ThePUA_Baddie · 2014-04-18T05:41:28+00:00

Go out there and approach girls. If you stick with this for a while you'll have your ups and downs and go through a lot. But if you can make it past it all you'll ultimately develop into a more confident person

Apex_of_Attraction · 2014-04-18T06:43:45+00:00

I heard the six pillars is a great read for this. Still meaning to give it a go. Core confidence comes from realizing you are enough and liking yourself as a person. After that, you will probably have "social anxiety" when it comes to talking to girls but realize that this isn't a confidence issue, but a competence issue. If I asked you how confident you would be on a scale of 1 to 10, to play "Stairway to Heaven" on guitar (presuming you can't), you probably would be a 0. Same goes with chatting up girls. By talking to a lot of girls you develop the kind of competence that gives you confidence in that situation. That's why even if you're working on core confidence/self esteem its still important to chat up girls.

Darragh from http://www.apexofattraction.com/

AnonyBot32 · 2014-04-18T15:17:59+00:00

As near I can tell, confidence is just about being comfortable with yourself -- your personality, your opinions, your desires, and the way you look. You can either learn to be comfortable with what you've got, or you can go on a self-improvement spree to become comfortable with these things.

The fact that you know you need more confidence is a positive first step, now you just need to get there. And in my opinion, once you have confidence, everything else on this subreddit is just a suggestion.

Mouthpiece · 2014-04-18T23:28:00+00:00

Confidence is like a muscle. Start by lifting small weights, then move on to bigger weights as you develop that muscle.

What kind of small weights? Start by doing something you are almost confident you can do. Say hi to a waitress or a girl in the checkout line. Move up to sustain conversations with people like that. Approach a random person on the street and have a two minute conversation. Get a phone number at a networking event. You may not always exceed, but the act of trying will develop that muscle. The muscle fiber gets stronger, but only if it's torn down a little bit first. You're near misses and rejection's will help you repair that muscle fiber.

Good luck.

PellyWolf · 2014-04-19T06:21:14+00:00

Thank you all for the advise and tips you're all providing, I'll be sure to put many things to practice and improve little by little with the help you're giving. :)

Title	Help with confidence
Author	PellyWolf
Upvotes	11
Comments	11
Date	April 18, 2014 3:30 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/23bugo/help_with_confidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/help-with-confidence.1369408 https://theredarchive.com/post/1369408

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