I have a pretty dry sense of humor, especially when I've been drinking. Don't know why. I've never bothered to change it, because in my experience it works well. Deadpan delivery jokes can get girls laughing, but not make you look like you're trying hard to dish out jokes. Here are 3 I end up using often. Feel free to use them/change as needed.

Your name/my name

When meeting a friend of a friend, my opener is usually just:

"Hi, I'm Travis."

"I'm Stacey."

"Good to meet you. blablabla..."

A little later in the conversation, she'll say "I'm sorry, what was your name again?" First off, I take this not as a slight, but an IOI. Many, many people forget names right away, and she's bothering to remember mine. Still, I'm gonna give her shit for it...

"I'm Stacey (big smile) wait... no.. (confused look) fuck. You're Stacey (left hand goes on her right shoulder or top of chest if you're feeling bold [not her tit, dumbass. like her collarbone]). I'm Travis (right hand goes in for another handshake)."

Now you're in this really interesting position. You can hold the handshake position for a bit. Or, you can slide your left hand over and squeeze her shoulder on the way out. Whatever.

Works especially well on girls with androgynous names (Cameron, Taylor, Erin...)

I was going to wear that

This is easier to pull off if you know a tiny bit about women's fashion. Can be used as an opener or mid conversation.

I'll see a girl wearing something unique and sexy.

"Oh man, I was gonna wear the exact same top tonight. (pinch fabric on the side of her waist). That would have been awkward."

Some girls will go along with it, some don't. It makes a nice opening for them to make a joke (don't make these jokes for them, let them do it!). Reactions include:

  • "One of us would have had to change..."

  • "You should have!"

  • "Do you wear women's clothes often?"

  • "Uhhhhh."

Then you can talk about her clothing, or whatever the fuck you want.

Again, only say this to women who are obviously in women's clothing. If you say it to a woman in a white button up, it doesn't sound like a joke. But maybe that could work, too.

I saw this documentary

Sorry guys, there's really not any "standard" kino in this one. But I find it funny and apparently no one has ever heard this joke before.

In a group, or 1 on 1, we'll be talking about some fucking topic. Let's say robots.

Group: "blabla robots blablabla"

Me: "Oh, I saw this documentary on robots last weekend. It's crazy what they can do these days! The documentary was called "Iron Man 3". You should check it out."

The delivery can go a bunch of different ways, but you get the basic idea. The important thing is you segue from the topic that the movie is about, not from a conversation about movies. Like, I wouldn't say the above joke after someone was talking about the new Transformers. Not as funny. But if a girl tells me she's a law student, I'll joke about the TV show Suits.

That's it! Leave your own jokes in the comments if they don't suck.