Open Relationship --> Tinder --> Should you tell girls before hand or in person

puaCurveBall · 2014-08-12T20:59:04+00:00

This is a personal choice, not something we can answer.

GreySafet · 2014-08-13T14:53:39+00:00

It depends a lot on the level of commitment in your primary relationship. My wife and I have been a couple for 20 years and opened our relationship 3 years ago. Given that we're married and have kids, I have it up front in my OKC and Tinder profiles. I could get way more dates if I hid this, but why do so? It's dishonest, since (for reasons I'll never understand) most women that even just want hook-ups still want you to be single, even though they have no intention of a committed, monogamous relationship. Since I've found that many women on Tinder don't read your profile, my technique is: (1) ask them out immediately, (2) as soon as they say "yes," I say "before we make a plan, I just want to confirm that you saw in my profile that I'm in an open/non-monogamous marriage." I get about half "oops - not my thing" and half "that's cool/interesting...I'm game."

If you are (a) not married / not engaged, (b) don't live together, (c) don't have kids together, then I think the imperative to disclose early is less. I still think it's better to disclose, however, but probably OK to do so after the first date.

etcomro · 2014-08-12T21:29:06+00:00

RSD's Todd Valentine has a relevant talk on youtube

I've found that if I'm very upfront about it that it will scare women off. Most women. Even if I'm not saying at all that I want them to be girlfriend #3 or #4 or whatever. I have found waiting until you've built up a relationship with her more puts you in a better position to present yourself as a non-skeezeball. Check out the talk though, it's money.

2014-08-12T22:38:16+00:00

There's not really enough information to give any sort of real answer to this, but you have a number of places to possibly tell them.

You could do it in your Tinder blurb. This wastes the least amount of time; any girl that's not okay with it won't even swipe right in the first place.

You could do it in your initial messages. Seems a bit odd, if you're going to be that up front with it it seems like you should just put it in your blurb.

You could do it when you first meet in person. "Hey, just so you know, I am dating other women right now and am not looking for anything exclusive."

You could just not bring it up until they want to DTR or somehow elsewise try to prod you about exclusivity. You'll get the farthest this way, but also run the risk of the most drama if they're not okay with it.

I'm sure the average person would say the first option above is the most up-front, but it's also the option that's going to minimize your responses.

ImJustSo · 2014-08-13T06:21:46+00:00

Telling women beforehand is giving them an option to write you off before they become attracted to you. Women aren't invested in you until they decide they're attracted, while men are attracted right away and go for it. Think of it as letting a woman get to know you without hearing the worst things first. It's not dishonest, it's more fair for YOU. If she still finds you attractive and is interested afterwards, then what did you do wrong by waiting? As long as you've always planned to tell them from the beginning, then it doesn't matter when it happens. So wait, because otherwise you're giving up your power of attraction and that is not fair.

joshsway · 2014-08-13T13:16:03+00:00

No point bringing it up until you have to. Unless you want to reduce your odds of getting girls by a ton.

Title	Open Relationship --> Tinder --> Should you tell girls before hand or in person
Author	TinderIsForLovers
Upvotes	9
Comments	12
Date	August 12, 2014 8:58 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2dde24/open_relationship_tinder_should_you_tell_girls/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/open-relationship-tinder-should-you-tell-girls.1374996 https://theredarchive.com/post/1374996

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