A couple weeks ago I went out with this girl for drinks and shot some pool. We met off tinder so it took a couple weeks of bantering and texting to get her out because she was busy with school, and I was out of town for a week. Our date went pretty well. Over 4 hours passed in the blink of an eye. We hit it off within 10 seconds of me picking her up. There was great joking and laughing, with some decent flirting physical contact, though I did not kiss her.

The next day I told her I had a good time, using some call back humor to a joke from the night before. We texted quite a bit that day. Probably a bit too much in my opinion, but I got her later to agree to a second date so I didn’t think I had blown anything.

When setting up the second date, I used a technique I see mentioned here a lot.

Me: “Have you hey been to the boat show?”

Her: “No I haven’t”

Me: “Well I’m going to go check it out, and scoff that “these 150 ft yachts aren’t even big enough for all my family and friends”, you should join me and pretend to be a snobby, miserable old married couple”

Her: “Haha when are you thinking of going?”

Me: “Saturday at 2”

Her: “I think that sounds like an awesome way to spend my Saturday afternoon!”

Perfect. She’s in. Didn’t text her for the rest of the week (set up on Thursday)

I wake up on Saturday morning to a text from her saying “Hey ___, I’m going to be a witch and cancel on you and the boats today. I went out for a friends birthday last night and had way too fun fun and now I feel like death and am sick ”

I said: “Shit that sucks. Feel better” and didn’t hear back from her.

I was pretty choked but whatever, shit happens. I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she seemed cool and that was a legitimate (although somewhat irresponsible) excuse. She seemed sincere and apologetic. So I try to act like it was no big deal. I text her a few days later (Tuesday) -I start joking with her:

Me: “Don’t tell me you are going to pull the cliché ‘im never drinking again!’ after your hang over this weekend?”

Her: “Nooooooo haha I love drinking too much :p”

Me: “Good, cause I have some wine and a copy of Twister with our names on it” (a movie we joked about on the first date)

Her: “Ohh that sounds super fun!”

Her: “My life is super busy this week though  I have a job now you know!”

Her: “I’m starting to regret that I think”

Me: “I don’t know how you do it :P I’m pretty swamped till Sunday as well. What would you say to an end of weekend storm chase?”

Her: “I work till 7ish and I have a paper due on the Monday that I’m hoping to have done this week. If I get that done, and get off work in time that sounds like a perfect way to end the week!”

Ok. She gives a classic “I’m busy” excuse but I handled it in a way that showed confidence, and that I am a busy guy too. By her sending me 3 straight messages I know I am still good to go. We text for another hour or so then I let her know I gotta get going. We texted a bit 2 days later on Thursday (5-10 messages total) where I teased her about a lie she told. She said “I know, I’m a horrible person” and I responded with “Lucky for you, that’s my type” and she responded with a comment about how I’m really good with words and I always have a witty response to her. She seemed to be really digging it. I Left her alone all weekend. Then I wake up Sunday morning to another text from her bailing. I decided to go with over the top heartbreak.

Her: “Hey ____. I’m not done my paper. I won’t be able to make the storm chase”

Me: “Great. Now I’m going to have to drink this wine alone and feel like an alcoholic. Then I won’t be able to focus on my work so I’ll probably get sucked into the twister!”

Her: “I know! I feel horribile”

Me: “Such a heart breaker. When you decide to reschedule, you know the storm lab hotline number…”

And she never responded to that. She had a perfectly valid excuse that actually set up from the get go, so she always had an easy out if she wasn’t feeling the date. I do believe her when she said she had to finish that paper. But that doesn’t mean her time couldn’t have been budgeted a better during the week (she did have 5 days to figure it out herself).

She did seem to like me. She did seem enthusiastic about every date / potential meet up we had. I really felt we clicked on the date. I get that school and work take priority over a guy you’ve been on one date with. But if she was at all excited to see me she would have got that paper done. My last text leaves the ball in her court. I expect this to be done, so I am moving on.

It’s an important though difficult lesson to learn. Even though she gave me enough notice, and some people like to employ a 3 strike rule on flaking..I don’t want to chase her around. My time is valuable too. And you have to establish boundaries of what you will and will not tolerate out of the people in your life. If she reaches out to me, then we’ll see. But I’m not counting on it.