Sexual Performance Anxiety. I'd rather ask TRP

SPA_answer · 2014-01-13T22:48:22+00:00

Hey, obvious throwaway for starters, but I have the exact same issue that started around the same time. I am 27 now and have been prescribed viagra, levitra and cialis from my doctor for about 5 years.

My urologist ran an entire battery of tests to rule out anything that was physically wrong with me. With that ruled out he suggested I go talk to a sexual therapist (this is what they specialize in). I have had one meeting with the sexual therapist and is probably the route I will end up taking.

I would just seriously suggest getting a diagnosis from a doctor and talking to professionals before you end up spending a shit load of money on boner pills. Not only does it get old, fast; but it also ruins the spontinuity of sex.

wonsnot · 2014-01-13T21:53:13+00:00

The quick simple and easy way out would be to hire somebody. It might not be what you want, but I think that it could be a confidence booster, once you see what you naturally do without the viagra and no real consequences. If you hire somebody, they are not there to judge you.

JustKeepDrinking · 2014-01-14T02:01:36+00:00

I've been dealing with this since sophomore year of college (so about 4-5 years now) and I know how devastating it can be. I turned to reddit a few months ago to look for a solution and found this post.

Now this wasn't an instant cure but it got me headed in the right direction. Aside from doing these little exercises and being healthy, the most important things are communication and learning to have fun with it.

The first step in improvement for me occurred with a sexy girl who flat out told me she wanted me to take her to my room and have fuck her. This kind of came as a shock so I instantly knew what was going to happen. My heartbeat picked up and the thought entered my head: "I'm not going to be able to get it up". We got in the room, started hooking up, and I couldn't get the idea out of my head. I wasn't even enjoying it because I was panicking. I decided to be honest with her: "Sometimes I get too in my own head and can't perform". She was perfectly cool with it. We joked around, kissed, and eventually my comfort level picked up and I had awesome sex with her. Since then, I have continued to have anxiety, but have been able to overcome it by avoiding negative thoughts and telling myself I'm in charge. You have to be confident enough to say 'I don't give a fuck' (no pun intended haha). When it comes time to play, take it slow and make her feel good. Make sure she gives your body attention too, and remember to JUST HAVE FUN. Set your own pace, and never let yourself feel rushed.

Also, I don't know if I completely agree with this 'hire somebody' advice. I've been with a 'professional' before and the only thing that helped was that she gave me a massage that escalated to her tickling my balls to her blowing me, causing me to become increasingly aroused. Maybe doing this a few times will boost your confidence and help, but I think it could be a waste of money and time.

I don't know if I'm cured, but I haven't had a problem since that one girl in August. All I know is if I find myself in the situation again, I will be honest about it, and if she isn't cool about it she's a fucking bitch anyway (:

Stay off the Viagra.

boydeer · 2014-01-14T06:14:16+00:00

you're not responsible for the sex. it's a shared thing. you should be focusing on enjoying yourself through the shared experience. worrying about the performance is self-perpetuating.

it would probably be a good idea to get counseling/therapy, because it helps one sort shit out to have someone to talk to like that.

somewhat more extreme advice is to try hallucinogenics. if you do like a tenth of a hit of acid (10-20 micrograms), your reality stays intact, and you can ramp up the experience from there. it makes you reflective and gets rid of your habitual thought processes. timothy leary proposed using LSD in therapeutic environments to change one's imprints, or "reprogram" oneself. but do your research and don't be rash.

Dr_Nikk · 2014-01-14T00:47:11+00:00

Hey man. I understand what you're going through. I've had a few massive failures before.

I've found that I really just need to get comfortable with the girl. It takes a while but that's what I have to do. If I know I'm going to have sex I also abstain from alcohol and anything smokable as that usually for whatever reason kills my little guy.

I'm am also in good shape. Workout regularly and eat well. I agree that it's all psychological. Go out and find you a FWB and get her to work out the business with you.

Good luck man. Lay off the Viagra, etc. If it's all psychological those won't help anyway.

bballdunker91 · 2014-01-13T23:44:08+00:00

I've had the same shit since I was 21 (started sex at 21) I am almost 23 now I have failed with 5 different girls and am at a loss for what to do... I just can't figure it out.

be_tru · 2014-01-14T00:43:09+00:00

I had this until my first LTR during which it went away and haven't had problems since... i don't think hookers would help as doing it only once wont help all that much...

648262 · 2014-01-14T00:57:23+00:00

Whether you hire someone or find a volunteer you basically need to take control of it and make it non-scary. And how do we do that? You need to tell the lady about it.

Yep, it kinda sucks, but it is not as bad as it sounds. If you hire someone she'll do her job, no worries and all that. If you find a freebie it will feel worse, but most people try not to be dickheads, so it should not really be any issues if you actually put some trust into the girl.

likechoklit4choklit · 2014-01-14T15:10:25+00:00

Warn a girl before you're both naked that sometimes you have anxiety. That way she won't blame herself, get weird, and make it all weird. Smoke some weed with her and enjoy some hand jobby play with no expectation of sex occurring. Taking the anxiety of pleasing or impressing her off the table, just enjoy the physical experience. This advice is typical, particularly if you are focused on sex as a performance: you don't have to impress a lady the first or everytime. If you do treat sex like a stage, get good at eating pussy: she's already cum, you can just enjoy the sex without worrying about coital reciprocity. Also, many chicks can't cum from a cock inside them alone, and actually require a clitoral kick start

Maybe you want something in the sack that isn't "normal" in which case, find a Dom, sub, aggressive chick, trans girl or other and embrace the non standard part of your sexuality.

curiousthis · 2014-01-15T00:51:27+00:00

Check out this book. Has a whole bunch of exercises you could do by yourself.

W_O_M_B_A_T · 2014-01-18T07:11:38+00:00

If Viagra works then it's not purely a psychological problem.

likechoklit4choklit · 2014-01-14T15:23:09+00:00

Wow this whole thread is so sad. Lame dicks everywhere.

Title	Sexual Performance Anxiety. I'd rather ask TRP
Author	WildDogUp
Upvotes	23
Comments	16
Date	January 13, 2014 9:10 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/1v4vwk/sexual_performance_anxiety_id_rather_ask_trp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/sexual-performance-anxiety-id-rather-ask-trp.138780 https://theredarchive.com/post/138780

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