So There Was This Girl, and then another, and another - One-i-Tis and the lessons it taught me (do not be like me)

2015-09-25T03:12:18+00:00

Lesson 13: Never stop working on your self.

ATTILA_THE_HONEY_BUN · 2015-09-25T05:38:13+00:00

I enjoyed reading this and the format. Great lessons that I'm currently also getting by reading the book Models and No More Mr. Nice Guy.

mysteryos · 2015-09-25T04:40:37+00:00

TLDR: Be confident. Take your opportunities when they come.

ImJustSo · 2015-09-25T07:22:40+00:00

Well, I like your post and self awareness, except that you seem inexperienced still. The reflection is good, but the advice is a bit off. The reason it's a bit off is because you, me, and practically every other guy experiences this mentality at one point or another. The mentality that women are attractive, but we are not. It supposes that we have to find out if a woman is attracted to us in order to make any kind of move.

I'm 32 years old now, but I remember young me, and I remember how fucking blind I was to the opposite sex's interest in me. I'm more aware now, so I know that women find me attractive. I don't have to wonder which ones are attracted to me, because I can just assume that I'm attractive regardless of this particular woman thinks so.

So, here's the things I agree with and disagree with in your post:

Lessons 1-4, yeah, all true.

Lesson 5, mostly true, but here's more clarity on what it makes us the asshole. We're taking away the free agency of another person, we're taking away their right to a decision about you, and we're just assuming what they want or don't want. And this line of thinking is how rapists think, only at the other end of the spectrum. They're talking away someone's free agency and imposing their desires on a person, then raping them. We're taking away someone's free agency and imposing our idea of their desires, then never giving them what they want (which is also what we want). It's opposite to rape in actions, but it's founded on the same mentality.

Lessons 6-10, yeah mostly.

Lesson 11, I do not agree with this. I don't exactly disagree with it, but I see this mentioned a lot in posts here and I just don't find it to be true in my interactions with women. Generally, I never let women know my intentions. Sure, I'll flirt. Sure, I'll be suggestive. I'll do lots of things, but they're never sure that I like them. I keep them wondering, I never state my intentions, and I never discuss possibilities. The moment they know I'm actually interested in them is the moment we kiss each other, and there's nothing wrong with that. What you cannot do is miss an opportunity to become physical when she has presented the time for it to happen. If you fail in your actions, then words will not help you. You have just become the friend zone.

Last lesson, I think this is entirely everyone's personal decision. If someone isn't happy in their current situation, then no, they shouldn't settle. A single person shouldn't settle, if they don't want to be single. A person in a relationship shouldn't settle, if they don't want to be in that relationship. And if something in any aspect of your life isn't to your liking, then it should be changed. If you're content though, then I think making a decision to become happy with that is perfectly acceptable. You must become happy, appreciate, and thankful for what you have instead of becoming sad that you don't have more, just because you could.

TechHeistTalky · 2015-09-25T00:58:13+00:00

Excellent analysis. I need to do one of these, my mistakes were absurd.

chorumepupunha420 · 2015-09-25T01:14:26+00:00

Fuck me. Im taking the same road. When i was younger, i fell for this girl, who my best friend liked aswell, so i never said a thing and backed off. 2 years to move on. Now a few years later, on college and just met girl #2, (didnt assumed interest yet, might have oneits for her). Well, people say im good looking. Inbetween the 2 girls i had some hook ups, and nice girls approaching me wich i refused, people think it was because im picky (but i know its not true. Its just my mind and my problems) Thanks for the lessons. Hope i can make them usefull.

Turlast · 2015-09-25T06:13:39+00:00

When I think of all of my failures, it just feels so annoying. I'm glad you were able to overcome your obstacles and learn.

StatMeansNow · 2015-09-25T07:21:16+00:00

This entire post is gold. Your mistakes are more helpful to me than most of the success stories on here. I hope you do mind lesson 13 that someone else mentioned. There will always be reasons to think the best opportunities are gone..

1Destro1 · 2015-09-25T14:08:09+00:00

Thanks for your story. That's painful to hear about the one girl that had it bad for you, as well, and you two never connected.

It's all very reminiscent of my own life, and my habit of falling for someone, then using my flirting strategy of ignoring them and pretending as much as possible that I don't notice them at all.

It always works out well.

Don't give up on yourself, though, man! Fuck the fat and balding, bs. That shouldn't be killing your success.

perdipp · 2015-09-25T05:47:00+00:00

wow man.. this was good. Thanks for the good info will definitely check em out in my life

palmerd21 · 2015-09-25T12:44:06+00:00

As lonely, introverted men we often don't fall for "this" girl. We fall for ANY girl who bats an eyelash and then chase for 6.5 years without even a kiss. Next girl(s) that comes along remember there are 4 BILLION others.

Also if you are only being approached vs. approaching you are doing it wrong.

JustDoMeee · 2015-09-26T01:23:32+00:00

I don't know what it is but this reeks of so much bullshit. Sounds like you found tips and made up stories based around it.

Comments