What if it's your personality and way you speak that need changing?

ThrowawayPUA · 2015-10-18T22:14:46+00:00

Yes, we often talk about "dancing monkey syndrome." Guys often try too hard to be entertaining, it feels forced and desperate. Some guys talk fast like they have to blurt everything out before people will stop listening. That's a pretty good way to get people to stop listening.

youlovethisish · 2015-10-18T20:17:43+00:00

Dude, I know this feeling haha. I currently feel like it's my talkative, high energy self that needs to change.

I read a post on here that said something like - "when talking, use thick, meaningful sentences." Basically, cut all the bullshit words in our sentences. Say only meaningful things. That may help to cut down on what people perceive of us as "too much" talking.

hamfraigaar · 2015-10-18T23:26:01+00:00

I think you're on the right path, but I think changing your behavior and changing your personality are polar opposites.

What you choose to learn and in which areas you choose to improve are very important parts of your personality, as far as I'm concerned. If you're looking into changing the way you act, it's usually because you have discovered that there is an incongruence between what you do and what you want to do. Most people who regularly say awkward things are not actually hardwired to be awkward, nor do they have a desire to be so. Which means they're not awkward, they're regular people doing awkward things. Hence why they want to change. Yes, it feels familiar out of habit, but it's not them.

That's why the key to success is usually first of all realizing your potential and finding out who you really are. What do you stand for? What do you actually have to say? Or if you are actually awkward by personality, then you'll find the potential in that instead, and fucking own it. To quote Bowling For Soup: "Well, we've all heard about how the guys in the band weren't the popular kids in school." Okay, but we've also heard about how the guys in the band get laid left, right and center. Not because they're suddenly not awkward, but because they own their awkwardness and makes it a feature, like, you want to hang out with them because they're awkward. Now it's suddenly endearing. I might even wanna find you a few interviews to make this more apparent.

DaygameCoach · 2015-10-19T02:07:15+00:00

How men communicate with men and how they communicate with women is different. A gay dude may not the correct person to rate your attractiveness (to women, which is what you want) or help you talk to them. As an example...what he is talking about may actually help you with women since you have to do a lot of the talking at the beginning. You can talk to women....jumping topics like ADD and do well, but that would piss dudes off. And, Guys who talk more get, laid more.

It's like when men tell me they get compliments on the way they dress. I ask if it's from women they want to sleep with and they say no. LOL

Cuisine, Daygamer.net

HorseLifer · 2015-10-19T04:46:01+00:00

Just be aware of your conversations. If you feel like you're dominating a little bit too much, try and tone it down. Recognize when people start to clam up around you-- it might be a sign that you're not giving them enough of a chance to speak

WayOfTheGentleman · 2015-10-19T16:31:01+00:00

Think of a social group in terms of a spotlight.

The spotlight can only be on one person at a time.

Most people want to be in the spotlight, for at least a time.

A social event isn't fun if you're always out of the spotlight. We all want our time to shine. Only the really shy and socially awkward never want to be in the spotlight (even then, they would love to be able to, but their fear holds them back).

Hence...if you're never in the spotlight, you don't get noticed. If you're always in the spotlight...you're annoying, because you never give others a chance to have the spotlight.

Have some consideration for the other people in your social circle. If someone hasn't been in the spotlight, put the spotlight onto them and ask them a question about themselves, like what's new with them (or whatever). Give them a chance to speak and open up.

Title	What if it's your personality and way you speak that need changing?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	6
Comments	13
Date	October 18, 2015 7:45 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3p9h8q/what_if_its_your_personality_and_way_you_speak/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-if-its-your-personality-and-way-you-speak.1396146 https://theredarchive.com/post/1396146

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