Reacting when someone else is being attacked

raceAround126 · 2014-05-05T13:02:45+00:00

When I was younger, I had a similar incident. I was robbed by four guys and even though they'd taken my wallet and phone, the smaller one decided he wasn't finished. I saw it coming, the air was there. I saw him take it out of his jeans, I tried to throw a punch and instead got knocked by another one on the back of my head. I was on the ground after the punch and saw them running off. I tried to get up and that's when my abdomen just clenched in pain. I saw the blood and realized he'd stabbed me. I honestly didn't even feel it going in. Or at least I don't remember.

The place wasn't very public and it was night, but I do remember seeing at least two people walk by way after my attackers had already left and I was covered in blood. I think I even tried mumbling for help, but I don't know if I made sound or if it was air. One was a couple where the guy basically ushered his wife or whatever along and the other was an old Indian looking guy who basically turned and walked the other way down the street in a hurry.

The cops interviewed me a couple of days later in hospital and it turned out one of the people in the houses had called the ambulance for me. But they had said I'd been there a good 45 minutes before anyone actually showed up and was apparently "lucky". When the ambulance was packing me up, sure enough a bunch of people had turned out for a good ol' gawk then.

At the end of the day, I can't blame anyone for not getting involved during the attack. If a group of blokes are armed, I can understand not wanting to be put in harm's way. I just couldn't believe that after it had finished, people would be happy to walk by and not get involved even though no real danger to themselves. I mean, fair enough, there's blood, they don't know if I have HIV or what have you, I don't expect to be cradled to deliver my last words or some shit. But call 999 at least? Nope? Nothing? Thanks!

Anyway, I recovered fully and have a scar. The incident was just over 13 years ago now. In fairness, it's been on mind lately for some reason I have no idea why. It has been since I broke off with my ex. I don't know why, sometimes it scares me, other times I feel it makes me bulletproof whenever I think on it. Can't fully explain it at all. It doesn't keep me up at night or anything, but just seem to find it coming up a lot.

I moonlighted as a bouncer in some of London's clubs over the years, mainly as a bill payer. Having to defuse fights and physically eject troublemakers were part of the job. Would I have intervened if it wasn't my job? No idea! I think even the most hardened bloke would intervene if a girl was getting smacked up by some guy. I've had to intervene in that situation many times and - equally - attempting to get the guy out of there before a group of the frenzied bouncers decided to take him out back for a quick street lesson (happens more often than you can know!).

But two guys having a barney? Part of me thinks just let them fight it out if that's what has to happen. Most of the time, at least one of them wusses out and backs off or, if there's a lone troublemaker, more than a couple put him in place deservedly so!

IF it was a straight up mismatch and the victim didn't appear to deserve it, I like to think I'd say something at the very least. I just haven't been in the situation to know.

I hope that answers your question a bit?

TehGinjaNinja · 2014-05-05T14:56:48+00:00

So, what are your rules for intervening, when other people are attacking someone - or being physically threatening someone?

If I am responsible for any of the parties involved in the confrontation (i.e. they are a friend, family member, coworker, etc.) then I will intervene. If I am not responsible for any of the parties involved in the confrontation, then I will intervene only if the confrontation is annoying me and intervention doesn't pose a significant threat to me.

aaron_the_just · 2014-05-06T03:17:39+00:00

In our society you call the police and avoid getting involved - you don't know what's going on, and yeah, it sucks, but the risk to yourself (especially legal risk) is much greater than any reward you get for being a knight in shining armour.

Your responsibility is to defend yourself, and after that your loved ones, close friends, family, spouse, and children.

fiat_lux_ · 2014-05-05T18:28:09+00:00

Around a couple of years ago, there was a reddit thread about a guy who got a scar while in Hong Kong or some other place in Guangdong. He had intervened when he saw a man smacking some woman around. He ended up being ganged up on by several other men. One of them slashed at his brow and gave him a scar. He reflected on how stupid and regretful he was about his decision, how it could have costed him his life. It probably would have if he wasn't a white man (white people in Asia get too much attention, which isn't good for criminals or law enforcement alike).

It's something I thought I'd be more careful to avoid, but no more than a few months later, on a trip to Asia I found myself in the same damned situation and reacted the same way as that redditor I had read about earlier. I wasn't injured at all, but it still goes to show that you can play all the gedankenexperiments you want and still end up behaving irrationally when the shit hits the fan.

I still consider it irrational, because I put my friends/acquaintances at risk by involving myself with what I was certain at the time was a gang-related matter.

I think I do have "rules for intervening" which are rational and well-thought out, but I don't have as much confidence anymore in how well I'd follow them when the time comes. I'm generally a lot more passive when it comes to abuse directed at myself though.

wttr · 2014-05-05T13:10:58+00:00

No one reacting to help someone in need when there is a crowd is a well documented phenomenon. It's called the "Bystander Effect." And it basically happens because the more people around when someone is being hurt or threatened the less sense of responsibility people have. They fall back into "someone else will take care of it" mode.

There have been cases of people stepping over a man as he's bleeding to death on a sidewalk after being stabbed. Not just 1 or 2, but over 20.

rangamatchstick · 2014-05-05T13:24:06+00:00

Iev been in situations were people are being attacked and threated, and have come to the point were I will stop, observe, watch what happens and intervene if it gets bad. How I step in depends on how they are threatening them.

RedMindBlueEyes · 2014-05-05T16:28:40+00:00

I always intervene, sometimes I´m pretty anxious when I do, but I´m unable to turn my back when situations are becoming violent (not talking about two guys duking it out). One day I might get seriously hurt, but that´s life. And I´d rather die following my nature, than live with regret.

boydeer · 2014-05-05T17:17:51+00:00

i'm a tribal monkey, and if something wrong is occurring in my immediate surroundings, that shit has to stop. i'm not even too concerned about dying at this point in my life. it has been an okay ride, but if doing the right thing means i have to get off, alright.

my mother was insane, so i'm pretty good at remaining calm while people are flipping out and threatening me. i wouldn't necessarily get physically involved, but if someone were being hurt, i would call the police or intervene.

i think if it's a situation of threatening rather than an actual fight, i think it's usually best to calmly ask the aggressor how they are doing and initiate comforting physical contact. taken on a case by case basis, of course.

Title	Reacting when someone else is being attacked
Author	Skepticurus
Upvotes	11
Comments	12
Date	May 5, 2014 11:18 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/24rlze/reacting_when_someone_else_is_being_attacked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/reacting-when-someone-else-is-being-attacked.139664 https://theredarchive.com/post/139664

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