Had oneitis, realized that I place expectations when meeting new girls and get invested through fantasizing positive scenarios with the girl. How do I manage maladaptive daydreaming?

MirthSinceBirth · 2015-11-15T18:02:40+00:00

I used to, and still do I suppose, do the the same thing. You build the idea of a girl up in your head, and she becomes something she is not. What I've learned to do it transmute ideas that attempt to figure her out to questions. I make myself realize how little I know and what I want to know. Instead of filling in the gaps, I realize them and dig them deeper. This helps with confidence and chatter when you approach, but ultimately just accepting her as the deep mystery she is should keep you from overthinking her.

Afdavis11 · 2015-11-15T18:06:10+00:00

Work on multiple women at a time. Ask out multiple women daily; date multiple numbers of women; get intimately involved with those that rise to the top. No matter how disabled you are by one"itis" you'll be unable to focus on just one woman. Save the one"itis" for marraige. As long as you're dating more than one, one"itis" will remain in check. If you want to focus on one person, make it yourself.

ThrowawayPUA · 2015-11-15T19:26:11+00:00

That isn't daydreaming, it's scriptwriting. You're envisioning a life with an imaginary model of your dream girl, superimposed on someone you hardly know. This gets in the way when you're interacting with a real person. It never goes according to the script.

Be more mindful of the person you are with, rather than filtering her through your expectations.

gigitygigitygoo · 2015-11-15T21:43:18+00:00

I used to do the same with girls but would also fantasize about all kinds of things. I eventually realized this was harmful to my psyche and stopped myself whenever realizing I was doing it. It's hard at first because you find your mind does it without you making a real conscience effort to do so. After you catch yourself, just think of literally anything else and it'll get much easier over time.

sfamora · 2015-11-15T19:46:59+00:00

Meditation has helped me a lot with cutting bullshit fantasies from my head.

StatMeansNow · 2015-11-16T06:35:18+00:00

So you're thinking about her too much, with too little real-life substance to think about. So you think about fantasy..

When you're thinking too much, the answer is not to try to think less. Rather, give yourself more each day to think about. Get busy. It doesn't require a lot of thought to flirt with and date a girl, so you need to give your brain some other stuff to work on, or it'll just overkill that one subject

Title	Had oneitis, realized that I place expectations when meeting new girls and get invested through fantasizing positive scenarios with the girl. How do I manage maladaptive daydreaming?
Author	bertrand-
Upvotes	28
Comments	15
Date	November 15, 2015 5:18 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3swwfb/had_oneitis_realized_that_i_place_expectations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/had-oneitis-realized-that-i-place-expectations.1397655 https://theredarchive.com/post/1397655

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