What's the difference between being a "pleaser" and being a "nice gentleman"?

pacg · 2016-02-28T10:23:04+00:00

The short answer is intent. If your intent is to gain approval, then you are being a pleaser. It means that your sense of worth and value is tied to an outcome. If your intent is to do something as an expression of your affection with little to no attachment to the outcome, then you are not being a pleaser. So tack onto intent your degree of attachment to an outcome.

Therefore preparing dinner need not make you a pleaser unless you're trying to seek your gal's approval. Preparing dinner is an established demonstration of high social value. It demonstrates that you have a skill, can take care of yourself, and are thoughtful. If she doesn't like the meal, a pleaser will act devastated and probably a little sour; a non-pleaser will roll with such a response and be flexible enough to salvage the situation (I.e. saying, with a wink and a nod, "I followed the microwaving instructions on the box very carefully! Let's get some take out.").

Gracefully rising from failure demonstrates high social value.

TL;DR Prepare her dinner; be cool if she doesn't like it.

Bocaj6487 · 2016-02-28T10:14:57+00:00

Being nice is treating someone well in a way that is naive or deceptive. Being kind is treating someone well, from a position of wisdom and sincerity. Don't be nice. Be kind.

oilsander · 2016-02-28T14:38:51+00:00

You become a submissive cuckold when you give endlessly and don't receive, and/ or are willing to tolerate just about any naughty behavior that she dishes out.

DirkDieGurke · 2016-02-28T15:11:33+00:00

Good answers from everybody! I'm usually very accommodating with guests, I like to have drinks, chocolates, etc ready. I wasn't sure if this was "pleaser" behavior. I think intent is the key answer.

Title	What's the difference between being a "pleaser" and being a "nice gentleman"?
Author	DirkDieGurke
Upvotes	20
Comments	7
Date	February 28, 2016 3:56 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4801pr/whats_the_difference_between_being_a_pleaser_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/whats-the-difference-between-being-a-pleaser-and.1403226 https://theredarchive.com/post/1403226

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