How do I get over my fear of women?

letsgetrandy · 2016-08-09T20:40:15+00:00

I'm going to be blunt. I apologize if you find it offensive, but this is what a lot of people need to hear...

Here on Reddit, you're a faceless username asking a question about how to change, improve, get attention from women, get over your fears, etc. But out in the real world, you do have a face. You do have a body. You have a wardrobe and a hairstyle and a lot of other contextual details that are influencing this situation.

If you're overweight, nothing people tell you on here is going to help. You first have to lose the weight.

If you're doughy and soft, nothing people tell you on here is going to help. You need to get to the gym and get some muscle tone.

If you're pale with bad skin, nothing people tell you on here is going to help. You need to take care of your skin, and get some sun once in a while.

If your hairstyle is a low-maintenance mess and you're not seeing a barber every week (maybe two), nothing people tell you on here is going to help. You need to take the time to keep yourself well-groomed, get yourself some hair product, and put some effort into your appearance.

If you're wearing baggy, unfitted pants and oversized t-shirts with silly logos on them, nothing people tell you on here is going to help. You need to wear stylish clothes and they need to fit properly.

And if you're spending all your time indoors playing vidya games, nothing people tell you on here is going to help. You can't meet girls if you aren't out where the girls go.

I'm going to guess that more than a few of these details probably fit your situation, and my suggestion is that you get on about the work of fixing them.

And here's a little secret for you: any girls who happen to be in your circle will actually notice when you fix your hair, improve your wardrobe, and start getting in shape. You won't even have to do anything, because they'll make the remark to you... "hey, you look really good! what's different about you?" And then boom, you're talking to a girl.

neeners9223 · 2016-08-09T19:49:14+00:00

Confidence comes naturally for many but for most it's something that you need to work on. In my case, I grew up with pretty bad socially anxiety, had trouble making friends and still to this day have some trouble talking to women. In my experience, you need to fake it til you make it. If you seem confident and act confident, even if you're not, it will become natural.

As for women, don't think you're alone because you're most certainly not. My best advice would be to look at the situation from a more broad perspective. When you're all up in your head thinking "what if she doesn't like me, what if I get rejected?" Just know that this is temporary. Sure, it will be awkward for a few moments but then things just go back to normal although this time you feel good about yourself that you at least tried.

I'm not sure if you're a lurker on this subreddit but there is a plethora of amazing advice, tools and tactics to use when you're talking to women. Use it, but just know that it's of no use to you if you don't go out there and attempt it. Most men would be lying if they said they don't get a little flustered when talking to women, myself included.

The first challenge is having the balls to go up and say "hi." Most people have trouble with this because they overthink the outcome and please let me emphasize this next point. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE OUTCOME WILL BE UNTIL YOU TRY. Sure, the outcome may not be what you wanted and it may hurt your feelings but you need to realize that everybody gets rejected, every girl has different taste in men and you have no way of knowing if she will be into you unless you just sack up and start with "hi." This doesn't mean you need to ask them on a date, it doesn't mean you need to try to kiss them or get them in bed. It is the first step to becoming more comfortable with speaking to women, then eventually things will come easier. They are humans too, just like any guy friend you're comfortable with, not some cyborg you've never seen before. Treat them as humans and speak to them like humans. Anxiety is treatable with medication but don't forget it's also treatable by putting yourself out there and becoming stronger emotionally. Hope this helps.

HidetsuguofShinka · 2016-08-09T18:47:39+00:00

Don't be afraid to show them who you are. For example, other night I went to the brick and mortar in a suicide squad t-shirt. When I went to pay for my stuff, the cashier was like "Hey, seen the movie yet?" And from there we had a nice tenish minute convo about the comic book movies.

Do you have any friends that happen to be girls? Ya'll should get together and play some drinking games. Hearing the shy one telling her bf, "hey beer bitch get me a funnel," certainly helped me get over my anxiety. Basically, anything where you'll be kinda brutally honest with one another in a jokey way. Great way of breaking down your anxiety.

2016-08-10T01:08:22+00:00

Your past experiences contribute to your cognitive and behavioral patterns in the present.

Because of:

the simple fact that I've never actually asked a girl on a date.

You've never allowed yourself to cultivate experience with engaging women on an intimate level. You've never opened yourself to the possibility. This is probably because you were conditioned over time to feel guilty about making sexual or intimate advances towards them. However, you shouldn't beat yourself up about this, as it is an overwhelmingly common thing that people nowadays experience. It could be said that this "guilt pressuring" is a part of our culture in certain respects, which is strange, because sexuality is such a large part of our culture as well, and intimacy is so central to the human imperative.

The only way to change your current patterns is by going out and actually engaging women. Over time, you will develop a set of new positive experiences that can overwrite your old negative ones--and accordingly, your cognitive and behavioral patterns will change, as to encourage greater intimacy with women and less self-resistance. You will essentially be "assimilating sexual confidence" into your personality through repetition. This takes a lot of commitment and discipline, as well as the ability to face rejection with courage and learn from failure.

My second bit of advice would be to abstain from making assumptions about how your interactions with women will unfold. Instead, you should simply focus on taking them [women] seriously, and being genuinely interested in them as people. The more interest you show in them, the more they will engage you in return. If you can be a fun person for them to be around, then they will inevitably be excited about the prospect of becoming intimate with you.

In summary:

approach everyone with outcome independence --> have genuine interest in them --> repeat this many times --> cognitive patterns will overwrite based on new experiences --> and confidence will eventually build

Title	How do I get over my fear of women?
Author	lonesomesoul95
Upvotes	18
Comments	18
Date	August 9, 2016 6:37 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4wxqpo/how_do_i_get_over_my_fear_of_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-get-over-my-fear-of-women.1410703 https://theredarchive.com/post/1410703

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