Contradictions driving me mad

TheXXL · 2017-02-07T12:14:55+00:00

Recently there were a couple of popular threads that discussed how women are people like us, most of them want the D, and the most important thing is that you're around them enough (provided you're hygienic and well-presented, at least.)

Which is the truth.

As an example of one of the more popular posts,

I realized that women weren't these magical creatures that only fuck guys with looks or money and anyone else was wasting their time. I just realized you have to make them laugh and feel good and be good in bed and most girls will stick around even if you're broke and ugly

Yep, also pretty straight forward.

And a few other comments similar to this. In some cases I challenged the statement by asking, "But does this apply to socially awkward guys? Or guys who don't offer high conventional value?" and I noticed something very troubling happened. A lot of the commenters who began with this:

Oh my, here we go again. You always ask the same questions, you always get the same results. If i would go with the definition of insanity, this would be it. Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different outcome. But that aside, i think i understand more what you think and i will try to explain a few things to you.

First off, you are talking about value. What is value? In scientific terms it is a measure for something depending on the context this could be anything from electric current to flow rates of water to totally subjective emotions, and this is where we are moving around, at emotional values.

For instance, what has the highest value for let's say vegans? They value animals more than people, and are at least on the Internet highly emotional. This means that i, as a person who eats meat, would never have any value to them whatsoever, while in my workplace, i have different value to my bosses, who make money off my work, then i have a different value to my friends and family. You probably see where i'm going with this. Basically the word value is like a fog, you can see it in many different versions, but you cannot touch it. The same goes with value, everyone has different values, which makes the statement: "you need value" pretty much one of those empty word capsules people like to throw around when they want to feel superior without being able to back it up.

"Women are people, they want the D, get out there and interact with them. It's not too hard so long as you approach and learn over time"

I wouldn't say it's not hard, this would just be a lie, but no one really says working out and getting fit was not hard either. Still, so many people don't give a shit about things being hard, and still do them.

..essentially turned into this:

"You gotta have high value, man, even if you're just desiring average-looking women. Nobody (especially women) wants something of low quality. At least offer social proof. Or look like a bad dude who does manly things. Women are pretty darn selective."

haha this sentence is so full of random word shells.. high value, low quality... define those first before you claim something like this, is what i would say to them.

So this kind of thing bothers me, as it has always. I can't deal with contradictions too well. I'm a black-and-white thinker and therefore one of the major problems is in learning how to think about this issue properly.

Your real problem is that you are still looking for the magic pill, and that you are not willing to put in the least amount of work. I cannot explain it otherwise that you still not have done anything about your life, rather than complaining on some internet forum, and even though you got soooo many helpful advices, you still sit on your hands.

I'm also very easily swayed by crappy experiences being reported here and anywhere else. Like for example the fact that I've encountered at least 10 guys here in this subreddit, in just one year's time, saying it took around 1000 approaches before they got laid once.

Has it ever come to you that those 10 guys, let it even be 100 or a thousand, make up a tiny portion of people on this planet. So you basically base your opinion on a tiny tiny tiny tiny minority, which is also not that intelligent. Then, you even choose to believe that, because you want to believe it . It fits your narrative of being a victim. Work on that first, since you are by no means a victim in the slightest, you can still make a big difference for your lifestyle if you are willing to lift up your ass from the couch.

It's kind of, either/or, with me. I need to "pick one statement." There are just 2 choices available. It's the only way I can move forward, or backward if I so choose. There is no in-between.

No. You don't need to pick one statement. You only need to get up from your ass and go out into the real world, make your own decisions and experiences. Then, come back and elaborate on your experiences to get hints and advice on what to do better next time. Stop wanking off to fantasies and start action for the sake of yourself!

The first choice: "Yeah, you're past 30 still with the V card and a bit autistic and socially inexperienced and you suck balls at most things. But you're not terrible looking at least and your height isn't a problem. The reason you haven't gotten laid is you're just staying away from every social experience possible, and not approaching women. So get out there enough times, and you'll be able to get laid. There's a good chance you might just need 100 approaches, etc. Maybe more, but don't sweat it."

Second choice: "Sorry, man, but women are highly selective. You're past 30 and operating on the level of a teenager with learning problems. You'll just look strange to women, since you're so out of touch. Women are social creatures and they make sure to keep up in life. You didn't do that. So forget about it. You don't even offer social proof, your looks are average at best, you're not tall, you're not educated, you have no stability in life at all... so yeah, you got bad genetics, forget it. Obviously you stand zero chance, don't approach and don't embarrass your worthless ass.. which you know, women don't want. If you don't have a lot of quality to offer, you don't exist to women anyway."

You know, i don't even read this kind of bullshit anymore, because it is so dumbed down to the point where it doesn't take into account the differences in people, making women into instinct driven animals like cats, which are by the way so easy to understand it's mind blowing! Like i say, women are more complex than that, and everyone who tries to make believe that all women would want the same, is either lying, pretending to have experience with women just because he talked to one a few years ago, or simply too stupid to see the reality.

So those are the 2 choices. I can only pick one. Which to choose?

Pick that one here: Move your lazy ass! Go the fuck out! Talk to people goddammit! Swallow rejections like a grown up! and stop trying to convince yourself and everyone here that you are such a victim and will never be able to be successful.

Bland-Username · 2017-02-07T05:59:12+00:00

Go with the former of the two. Having a "process-first" mindset will get you a lot farther than having a "I can't get x because I don't have y yet" mindset.

Trust the process. If you do anything 1000 times, you will get better at it.

I've always followed a mantra that Owen Cook mentioned in one of his talks, and there is so much truth to it, it scares me sometimes:

(On approaching and interacting with a lot of girls over time): "The best interaction you have now, will be your average interaction 6 months from now"

TheUngracefulBear · 2017-02-07T13:45:55+00:00

Becoming a seducer is hard, that's why not everyone does it. If you want to get good at talking to girls, you're going to have to make lifestyle changes. Not changing who you are, but you'll need to be fit, have good posture, be comfortable with yourself, etc.

And you need to offer these girls something. You can't expect to just recieve sex from them. You have to offer connection. Not every girl will reciprocate, but you have to put yourself out there and offer yourself as a lover, not someone who recieves sex.

Expecting gils to go after socially awkward guys is ridiculous. You have to become comfortable with yourself, and comfortable within social pressure before you are attractive. It's not totally about looks, money, or fucking VALUE (I really hate that term).

To wrap up my weird rambling, girls want the D, but they're not just going to give themselves to anyone. There's no cognitive dissonance here, you have to make yourself want-able, and you can't expectto offer connection when you're unwilling to change your social awkwardness.

BaconMeTimbers · 2017-02-07T17:23:47+00:00

Women will always go after value, but there are multiples of metrics on what constitutes value. Being good looking or having money is just a couple metrics but there are many more.

Regarding your choices, always puck the more empowering choice when evidence is split.

Also, no. It not just about approaching. Outer game is important but so is inner game. I'd read Models by Mark Manson if I were you because it keeps things simple, and then get off these forums! You need a lot of reference experience. The field is king.

GrillPenetrationUnit · 2017-02-07T21:10:38+00:00

it seems obvious to me that its the first choice. it's difficult for me to be positive about things, and i struggle a lot with internal conflicts like this, so i feel your pain. just don't give up. no matter what keep striving and whether you get laid after 1000 approaches or 3 it doesnt matter. you keep talking about "value" but in my eyes the only one without value is the one who wont try, or gives up. if thats you its like you dont even think you have value, or hope to improve your value. im really awkward and i do plenty of embarrassing things, but i keep trying. no one's perfect, but as long as you dont give up on yourself your good enough.

Title	Contradictions driving me mad
Author	Aeon199
Upvotes	1
Comments	11
Date	February 7, 2017 5:19 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/5sjkk6/contradictions_driving_me_mad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/contradictions-driving-me-mad.1419883 https://theredarchive.com/post/1419883

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