Both of us make ~$350K/yr. Why not marriage?

Humankeg · 2014-09-20T05:52:41+00:00

If you are making that much money, you can afford to talk to a lawyer.

LikesTacos · 2014-09-20T09:31:58+00:00

Let me tell you a story. When I got married my wife and I earned nearly the same money. I made more but not grossly more. Five years into the relationship I was offered a higher paying job 1200 miles away that would take her closer to her family and she worked at a job that she could easily transfer or find a similar paying job in her field. We decided she would quit her job and find work once we moved. I accepted the offer. Once we got to our new home she decided to pursue her lifelong dream of working in retail at a greater than 75% reduction in salary. Five years later and we have a pair of twins. We talked and decided that she would continue to work after her paid time off for having the kids. At this time she was excelling in her new field as a bank teller along with all of the college kids who do it as a summer job. One week before her scheduled return to work and she quits her job without discussing it with me. Three years later she works part time at a gas station. I finally have had enough and file for divorce. Not entirely based on the things I've listed but you can see the level of respect in our relationship. I now have shared custody of the twins (alternating weeks.) For the privilege of having shared custody I only have to give her 25% of my take home pay rather than the 50% most guys get to pay. I also get to pay her alimony for the next four years and get to pay off 90% of the debt she ran up the last three years of our marriage without my knowledge. I am facing bankruptcy. She just bought a new mini van and complains that I do not give her enough. She has drug me back to court five times since our divorce was finalized last December trying to get full custody of our kids because she would get additional money. I also spent $20,000 in legal fees last year alone because she refused to go to mediation for the divorce. I could go on but I think my point has been made.

tl;dr DO NOT GET MARRIED.

Casanova-Quinn · 2014-09-20T07:17:51+00:00

Do you plan on having kids? If so, how much time off after the birth is your wife going to stay at home? 1-3 years? More?...

You need to discuss with your SO what her plans are for the future. The are a fair amount of stories on TRP of women who decided they'd rather stay at home after marriage because "we can afford it". Next thing you know, you're getting once a month "duty sex" while she splurges with the credit card.

Food for thought. Talk to a lawyer regardless.

Goldfulgore · 2014-09-20T07:57:30+00:00

Go ask Mel Gibson or Robin Williams if money counts.

[deleted] · 2014-09-20T08:33:32+00:00

Until she goes for the guy earning 500k a year and gets a third of your pay cheque in child support. No it may never happen, but who knows what the fuck she/you'll be doing 10 years from now.

As others have said, what are the advantages to you to get married?

knifeoholic · 2014-09-20T06:35:28+00:00

NOOOOOOO!!!!! You say anticipate things and career paths change all the time. She might get pregnant and decide to stay with the kid or something weird like that. DO NOT DO IT!!

Thank me in 20 years.

elysius · 2014-09-20T09:34:51+00:00

Are you the only man she's ever been with? If so, does she seem ok with that?

If you answered no to any of those questions, the most likely outcome of your marriage is divorce. If you're ok with losing custody of any kids you end up having along with having 50% of your income transferred to her, then by all means, go right ahead.

[deleted] · 2014-09-20T16:06:08+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Imupnthis · 2014-09-20T08:18:05+00:00

You're asking the wrong question. You should be asking "Are there any advantages to being married?"

Cantwaittomeet · 2014-09-20T09:32:56+00:00

Marriage has historically been a financial partnership.

WallLean · 2014-09-20T06:43:42+00:00

....im a peasant

Kalepsis · 2014-09-20T09:51:02+00:00

There are absolutely no advantages to marriage if you're male, unless your partner is another male.

If she nags you about it, ask her why she has a problem living with you and why she needs a piece of paper and a ridiculous ring to keep enjoying your company.

deville05 · 2014-09-20T12:01:28+00:00

I dont know.. LikesTacos gave a greusome story. If you dont want that.. Make a kind of arrangement or deal of living together and making money. Or if its marriage then there should a lot of financial clauses and equality where is doesnt get to take advantage of you..

Reddthrown · 2014-09-20T15:24:59+00:00

How much does she spend? Two years ago, I ended a 5-year relationship where we were bringing in similar amounts. She earned slightly more than me, but spent three times as much and had no savings. That was one of the reasons the relationship ended.

drallcom3 · 2014-09-20T15:37:33+00:00

Don't marry and be glad that she makes so much. She will be less tempted to financially exploit you. Be prepared though.

jcrpta · 2014-09-20T15:45:20+00:00

You're both making $350k now.

Who knows where you will be five, ten years down the line. There is every possibility that after a couple of kids your wife won't want to go back to work - or if she does, she'll intentionally seek work with reduced responsibility, hours and pay.

Before you know it, you're on the wrong end of a divorce. Which in simple terms means all the financial responsibility of having a family but none of the benefits.

circlhat · 2014-09-21T01:27:24+00:00

The question is why get married not why not?

[deleted] · 2014-09-20T15:33:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Both of us make ~$350K/yr. Why not marriage?
Author	throwaway234729
Upvotes	11
Comments	49
Date	September 20, 2014 5:07 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/2gxf5b/both_of_us_make_350kyr_why_not_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/both-of-us-make-350kyr-why-not-marriage.142268 https://theredarchive.com/post/142268

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