First minor success

I'm 19, a virgin and have never been too successful with girls. You know the story. I have made a lot of improvement in the past few months. I've been in good shape and big for about a year now but have never had the confidence or other mental tools. My game and social skills have improved a lot recently by reading books, this sub, approaching and getting a social life back and hanging out with friends.

Yesterday I was shopping at one of my favorite stores at the mall with my mom and when I checked out a girl was working there that I had gone to school with from elementary school to 8th grade. I have had really bad anxiety in the past about even seeing someone I know in a public place so I have really come a long way where I'm now looking forward to going out and excited if I see someone I know. This girl has an identical twin and I wasn't sure which one she was so the first thing I asked her as I walked to the front to checkout was "Are you Logan or Jordan?" It was Logan and I just said my name and asked her how she's been. She had this look of surprise on her face and said "Wow you look so different!" I held eye contact with her but she would look at me for only like a second then look away and down at the item I was purchasing because we were having some problems with it. She was definitely nervous but I don't know if it was a good nervous or bad nervous. She's a cute kind of nerdy girl and I don't remember if she has always been like that but she was in that moment. She and her twin share an Instagram account (which is weird I think) and they have their school and class name in their bio and have posted pics at the school but I wasn't sure and asked her if they both go there. They both do and it's one of the best colleges in the country. The way things turned out with me is that I'm applying to colleges this year and it's one of the schools I'm interested in. I asked her a few questions about the school and we chatted for a little. There were people waiting behind us so we had to cut it off but she said "Let me know if you have any more questions about ___". I said "Yeah I'll message you on Instagram." That was a pretty big thing for me to say, I'm usually terrible about doing things like that and my mom said the whole interaction was really smooth, but that's my mom.

When I got home I couldn't think of any questions I had for her and was just going to wait until I had some in a few days or whatever but then I realized that was fucking stupid and that I should have some balls, message her now and ask her if she wanted to catch up in person. She shares her Instagram with her sister like I said so I just messaged the account that both of them use and said "Hey Logan it was nice seeing you at (store she works at) today. I come in there all the time. When did you start working there?"

She said "literally a week ago 😂. It was nice seeing you too! It's been so long! Do you have any other questions about (school she goes to)?

I said "Yeah I do. We should catch up sometime. Wanna grab lunch at the mall tomorrow?"

She said "Sorry I'm busy tomorrow but I work at the mall again on Thursday we could hang out after I get out?"

I responded "Thursday is great. What's your number?"

I just sent that and am waiting to hear back but I thought I should get off Instagram because she shares it with her sister. I can pretty much say it's on for Thursday. I suggested we get lunch because it would work on her break and so that she would feel more comfortable around me after not seeing her so long if I were to ask her out. I was surprised she said after work which is going to be at night and that she also said "hang out" when I said "catch up" and "grab lunch". I am in foreign territory here boys. I'm really proud of myself for getting this far, I haven't done anything like this before.

So my plan now is waiting till she responds with her number, texting her saying "hey it's ___ what time do you get off on Thursday" and then taking it from there. So I guess we're probably going to be hanging out around the mall. Now I'm thinking I might as well be prepared to take the next step if she shows interest by asking her if she wants to go out the night after or another night whenever but I don't really have a plan for what I would do. One thing that I have thought about though is asking her to help me shop for clothes because I'm getting pretty much an entire new wardrobe for next year. She was wearing nice clothes and looks like she has good taste and I think that's something that girls like to do but I'm not sure if that would be a good thing for us to do and that can create attraction but that's all that I can think of right now. Help?

[–]domino1995 3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (47 children) | Copy Link

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (46 children) | Copy Link

[–]domino1995 -1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (45 children) | Copy Link

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (44 children) | Copy Link

[–]domino1995 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (43 children) | Copy Link

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (42 children) | Copy Link

Will do that.

As of right now the last communication we had was on Monday where she texted "Hey, I actually forgot that I have plans already on Thursday so it's probably going to have to be Friday, but I'll see if maybe I can do something on Wednesday instead".

I responsed "Alright cool let me know"

I haven't heard back since. Clearly Wednesday is now out of the picture but she never texted me saying anything about it. Thursday is out as I had mentioned, which leaves Friday. My last text was saying for her to let me know, so would it look bad if I texted her to confirm Friday, or wait and let her text first? Because that would be a problem if it's too late, say waiting all the way until Friday morning. If I don't hear back from her my idea is to text her tomorrow around 4 saying "What's your day like tomorrow". What do you think of that?

And in case I have several time options, what would you suggest? Day or night and optimal times?

also /u/kalolilo /u/kfudgingdodd can I get your opinion?

[–]kfudgingdodd 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (41 children) | Copy Link

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (40 children) | Copy Link

[–]domino1995 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (39 children) | Copy Link

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (38 children) | Copy Link

[–]kfudgingdodd1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]domino19951 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum1 point 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Relax man. You are becoming way too invested in this girl. I'm happy to give you advice but you've gotta take a step back and realize that if this doesn't work out, it's not the end of the world. You've improved your physical shape (according to your post) now you need to improve your mental game and mindset and relax. You have to develop an abundance mentality (even though you don't have an abundance of girls. for now…)

Now for advice. First, wouldn't say that you're not up to much…you want girls to think you live an exciting life. Second, wait until tomorrow to respond and ask her to hang out sunday after work. Maybe ask her to get ice cream at some cool ice cream shop in your town idk. Suggest a place and time on sunday probably either late in the afternoon or early in the evening.

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum2 points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Thank you for all of your advice. I understand it's totally not the end of the world. I was bummed out about it this afternoon when I didn't hear back. But I went and lifted weights with a few of my bros and chilled back at their place and had a good time. I also got ice cream with 4 girls that I'm friendly with last night after I thought to myself that it might not work out with this girl and that I don't want to be putting everything into her. So I can and have been doing other stuff but I do really like this girl and want to be able to see her if she only has a limited window.

I was hanging out with some friends who went to high school with her and when I got her text I had the same mindset you suggested, to act like I'm busy, but they said she's the type of girl that's really nervous and hasn't had a lot of experience with guys, comes from a nice family so you want to keep it as open as possible. So that's the text I went with.

As for the text I send tomorrow what exactly should I say?

"Ok do you want to get ice cream at ___ after you get off work tomorrow?"

I know the mall she works at closes at 6.

I will pay attention to her clothes then I guess lol. I'm still so confused about the text she sent. Like what is she expecting that I say back? Ask her a further question about what she said? Tell her about my plans for the weekend? Or just ask her when she's free?

So I have a few questions about what my gameplan should be for the date. What order do you suggest we do the following things: a) get food b) get ice cream c) walk around the mall/look at stores

Do I let her order her food first? And do I pay for her?

A small detail on the ice cream, is there a difference between getting a cup and cone in terms of a sexual vibe? Because when I get ice cream in a cone I really go to town on it and I feel like that could be a good or bad thing.

In my original post I talked about needing a new wardrobe and thought that going clothes shopping with her might be a good idea. So that would be my idea for the second date. My plan would be to tell her that I'm getting lots of new clothes, that I think she has good taste, and that I could use her advice and ask her if she wanted to help me with that. Would it be good to talk about that when I see her in person, or text her after the date is over? In terms of setting up the second date.

I plan on walking her to her car on the way out, that's the move, right?

Eat food first, b and c can be in either order, feel it out.
There's a decent bit of debate on here about paying vs not. paying. Depends where you go and such but I don't think I would pay. I might buy her ice cream.
Not that I know of haha. I always get a cup. Maybe I'll get a cone next date and see how things turn out for me haha. Get what you're comfortable with. You're over thinking this.
I don't think this is a great idea, but honestly I'm not sure. I like mini golf or bowling personally. I used to play hockey so ice skating is a good one for me. Maybe use this one down the line and/or seek advice from others. Maybe someone's tried this. Second part: I would tell her you had a good time, but I don't usually schedule the 2nd date during the first. Not 100% sure on this either.
I would not walk her to her car if it's way out of the way from your car. If it's close sure. Again this could be a personal thing for me. I pick my dates up almost always so this situation doesn't really happen to me.

Extra: Make sure you escalate. Go for the kiss. There's not usually a perfect moment for it. Don't wimp out on it or make excuses. If she rejects your kiss usually you'll still get some props from her for going for it. But if you escalate correctly and read her, she'll be into it. Have fun and RELAX tomorrow. Be okay with things when they don't go perfectly. Be okay with an awkward moment here or there. It happens, we're human

Thanks, I will feel all those things out.

I am definitely not going for the kiss on the first date unless I read that she's really into me. My friends were telling me a guy went on a date with her twin sister and when he tried to kiss her she freaked out. I'll go for it on the second date for sure though. And I know this girl is a really nervous type so I wanted to do something that would get her more comfortable around me before doing an activity that would require me to pick her up, but I plan on the next date picking her up and taking her somewhere. But I still plan on escalating by touch throughout the date. At the very least a hug when I see her and when I say goodbye.

Do you suggest I wait inside the mall for her or meet her in the parking lot?

And do you suggest I let her decide what food she wants to eat and then get something there? Or get whatever I want and then whatever she wants and then we meet up?

Be careful about generalizing her with her twin. A have friends that are twins and they are pretty different different people from each other because they try to be different to differentiate themselves from each other. If she's nervous then just go for the kiss on the cheek, although I've never done that and just gotten the kiss on the lips every time I've went for it. And it depends if she's meeting you at the mall or if she's getting off work. If meeting you there meet her outside the mall.

NO NO NO. Make all of the decisions. If she wants to eat somewhere else super bad she'll speak up about it. Lead her the entire way. Let her order what she wants of course but say "We're going here to XXXX place".

Again, there's probably going to be awkward moments during the date. Be okay with that, it happens. Don't over think things during the date like you are right now. Honestly just be yourself and relax and it'll go great.

Yeah, I thought it would be better to give a fast response.

So after she said "Hey sorry my cousin is in the hospital, I should've told you sooner but I'm with them rn. Sorry it's been really hectic here :/

I said "I'm so sorry, what happened?

She said "He was a t his first day of the fire academy and I guess the training is meant to break you. But he ended up in the hospital his body just gave up on him, all his levels are high but they don't know the cause."

Now "levels are high" sounds like BS but I'm gonna take it all at face value.

I said "Oh wow that sucks. Being a firefighter must be really tough. Hope he gets better. Are you just chilling at the hospital?"

She says "Thanks. And yeah so far we're just waiting for other results."

So that whole thing took place from 4-6pm on Tuesday.

At 9pm I texted "Just checking in, how's your cousin. Do you need anything?

She said "He's better, still don't know exactly what's wrong tho. And I'm good but thanks " And then this emoji

So I was thinking I should text back today and ask how everything is going. And then ask when she's free again. I was reluctant to get into a conversation with her about her cousin due to all the talk here about "texting is for logistics only", but I felt I was getting to a dead end. I feel like she's the type of girl you need to have a text conversation with to warm her up a little and get more comfortable, and I feel like a lot of girls my age value text conversations closer to real life conversations than people think on seddit.

Update: I texted her on Thursday night asking her how her cousin was. No response and I'm just going to move on.

And last night made that a lot easier, let me tell you about that.

I've been hanging out with a group of friends I hadn't seen for a while and everybody wanted to go out to a club. It ended up being me and my 3 guy friends, one of whose sister brought another friend, and then another couple joined us. So we park downtown, meet-up and do some drinking before we go into the club. Oh, and by the way, this was the 3rd time I've ever drank in my life, and this friend group are the first good friends I've had in a while, and I have never been in a club either. We try getting into a club but for some miraculous reason I was the only one who got in lol. I was using a friends second fake iD and I was really surprised it worked and it was my first time doing that. So then we leave and go to another club next door.

So at this point the 3 girls we are with are my friend's sister, the couple (Sami) that are together, and then the other friend that came along with his sister. Her name was Laura and they were all hispanic girls and my friend is hispanic.

So we are getting our IDs checked and going into the next club. I get in and I'm with a girl, I don't even remember if I was with Laura or Sami, but she looked like she was nervous about getting in as the bouncer was really checking her iD out hard and I put my hand on the small of her back. I didn't even do this out of attraction, just that I thought it was the move to make to help get us in together, and I'm not even sure if that was Laura or Sami.

We're inside now and the girls got free drinks and brought them back to us. So we're just all hanging out in a circle starting to drink with music playing really loud, prob around midnight. Now like I said this was only my 3rd time being drunk and so I couldn't really tell how drunk I was throughout the night since I don't have a lot to compare to, but I drank half of a four loko before we went in. I hated the taste of drinking that shit and then the girls brought us drinks in the club which I think was vodka with cranberry juice. I drank like a small red solo cup full of that one. The girls start dancing, they're looking really good and I just start feeling so uncomfortable with myself because I'm not good at dancing so I just watched for a bit, but then decided it might be a good idea to drink more and maybe I would feel like it then.

It's hard for me to pinpoint exactly what happened last night just because it was so hectic in there, I"m not really sure if it had to do with being drunk but it's not like I was "black out" drunk. But after that short bit of dancing I think I went to get another drink with Laura and then when we come back everybody is gone. So we start walking around looking for them. And at this point I'm thinking, fuck dude, don't be a pussy just walking around the club looking for them, take some charge, do some kino, anything really. But I don't, and I just walk around with her until we find them. But then we regroup and the girls are all dancing with each other and I tell my friend we should go hit up some girls. I'm thinking along the lines here of everything that I've read on seddit and so I figured we go and do it, so I take him and we go up to a group of 3 girls but they immediately reject us saying that they're 29, etc. I don't really know what happened it was super loud , but it didn't work out.

So we go back to the group and I"m thinking fuck, I wanted to do something like I read people on seddit do in the club. But then I go back to Laura, she gives me more of her drink. The couple that was with us starts dancing and then the 2 other girls dance together. Don't really have a time frame for all this, but I get the balls and ask Laura if she wants to dance,...just for fun. Because before I started dancing with her I heard one of my friends saying she has a boyfriend.

Then it just escalates from there. I'm behind her and she's moving her hips side to side, back and forth, I'm just trying to figure out what the fuck do I do here so I'm just watching other people dancing and I just start feeling it a little more and move with her body. My hands were on her hips and she moves them up a lot closer to her front side and I keep them there. And then this just continues for like 10 more minutes, having a lot of fun, one of my better buddies is dancing with the other girl and it's just a blast. Then it starts getting more intense, she did this move where she really is moving her hips and ass a lot more in a circular motion and further back into my crotch. They were all hispanic and good dancers so it was a pretty fucking cool move, and we keep doing that and I"m thinking fuck, didn't this dude tell me she has a boyfriend? So I just keep at it but I'm feeling like something could happen, but I don't want to rush it, I'm gonna let her make the first move. We keep dacning and she continues to do deeper moves where she does that same circular motion move but she starts squatting towards the ground and I'm going down with her. I think by this time she's put her hands on my hands over her hips and we've been doing all sorts of touching stuff. Our bodies have been right on top of each other the whole time. We're still dancing and I lean my body to the right while she's leaning toward the left and kind've put my head over her shoulder and she turns her head towards me and BAM we start making out. It probably goes on for about 20 seconds, then we go back to dancing and then it keeps escalating. I start remembering my dicarlo escalation ladder and I started touching and running my hands down her thighs, and she's really liking it and holding her hands on top of my hands. Then we probably take a break and make out like 8 times more at least and go back to dancing in between. I eventually go for it and feel her tits and she didn't object at all but I was a little uncomfortable with that, didn't know if I should be doing it and I only did it once more. She was wearing a skirt and as I was touching her thighs dancing I went up and under it and I think I was rubbing her pussy but I'm not sure, but I only did that for like 3 seconds than pulled away.

She was only the 2nd girl I've ever kissed, and the only girl I've ever done anything else with. It was really fucking awesome. When we're walking out I'm really feeling it and I put my hand behind me to see if she'll grab onto it as we're walking and she does. I had read about pulling that move here and that honestly is something I'd never think of to do naturally if I hadn't read about it. Then we walk down the stairs and I'm holding her tight at the waist, I take off her shoes and we walk with our arms around each other's waists to our cars. I make out with her again and we take separate cars back to my friends house where we are staying for the night. When we get back the girls go to bed and I make out with her one last time. I might've gave her the impression that I was leaving, I don't know if she knew that I was staying over, because I stayed outside when she walked in, and I went with my friends to the pool and they smoked. After we went back inside, the girls went to sleep we hung out for a bit and then go to bed. Then I'm half awake in the morning and she's in the living room where we're sleeping looking for her stuff but she seems a little confused to see me, like exactly who I am lol. I don't really know though dude. It's probably just going to be that and a "drunken mistake" for her and how she has a boyfriend and everything.

But that whole thing was fucking amazing. And now I'm not so worried about that other girl, just going to drop her.

That's definitely true about college game from everything I've read here, really gonna focus on that when I get there.

So apparently Laura had a boyfriend but she broke up with him because he cheated on her. Don't know if it was before or after we hooked up, but she's single now and she's going out with us again on Friday. That was my first time doing any sortve thing like that. I didn't talk to her at all the morning after and I don't have any contact info. So I'm just going to wait until I see her Friday. Is their any set of courtship rules to follow? We barely even talked on Friday when we danced and made out. When I see her again what do I say and do? Kiss on the lips, cheek or just a hug? And do I just say something like "I had a lot of fun last Friday." Don't know what I would say after that. And do I hold her hand or touch her in any way as we walk to the club?

See how she responds to you initially and then you can figure out how to behave. She'll probably be some combo of nervous, shy and awkward around you especially at first. It may turn out that it was a one night thing for you, so don't get too bummed. Maybe she was too drunk and feels embarrassed about what happens and she never makes out with guys she just met...you get the idea.

I would treat her pretty much like the rest of the group. Just talk to her more as a friend at first and then slowly amp up the flirting as the booze gets flowing and the night gets going.

Now if she sees you and immediately comes over and is flirting with you then reciprocate. I think the mindset you should have is to treat like a girl you know is somewhat interested in you but almost treat her like you are meeting her for the first time. There is no set of courtship rules to follow. You definitely need to talk to her more.

Do not try to kiss her on the lips, cheek or give her hug right away unless she goes for it. I'm pretty sure things may start out a little awkward early in the night but don't let it get to you.

If things aren't going well with her, don't put your entire night on her. You're there to have fun with your friends, fun is the first priority and getting girls is your second priority.

Let me know if you need anything cleared up or have more questions

That goes against my gut instincts but I'm going to take your advice here.

I talked to my friends yesterday and they said we're probably going out Friday, and so then I texted my friends sister and asked if Laura was coming along. She said "Yee I think so" and I said "Ok awesome". Did that with the intention that it would get back to Laura and that she knows there is interest on my side, and I'd say that's a positive response from the sister. I'd imagine they were definitely talking about me or still are at some point. I saw the sister yesterday really briefly when I was over at their house and she said it was cute that I wanted to say goodbye to Laura, because the morning after when we all slept over at the same house I had to leave and went to say bye and she was asleep but the sister was up. I think it has to help that the sister likes me and that I'm getting respect within this friend group, which equals social proof like you talked about.

But there are some doubts that the squad is not so sure that we're going to go out Friday. On Saturday, the day after I hooked up with Laura, my friends told me I should slide into her DMs on Instagram. I was against that because I feel like it's similar to the first situation I mentioned in this thread, because I'd be finding her on social media without her telling me, and I didn't think to get her number. So I thought it'd be best to wait and see her Friday, but like I said I'm not sure we're going. So in that case how would you recommend I get in contact with her?

Ok, I will go for that. It sucks because it seems everyone my age isn't the type to schedule things in advance and that they do things in the spur of the moment, so I'd probably have to tell them that late Thursday or Friday. And since they don't plan things I doubt there would be any other suggestions.

That second idea of doing a double date is perfect. I have just gotten to know these guys recently, we used to be friends going way back to middle school and elementary school. And one of the guys is my best friend out of the group, we lift together now, and he happened to hookup with my friend's sister last Friday. It was actually really fun because we were both hooking up with girls at the same time. I'm not sure how he would feel about doing a "date" like that. I asked him if he plans on following up and going for anything more with the sister and he seemed reluctant because it is one of his good friend's sister after all.

The gut instinct I disagree about is not being direct with Laura because I'd like to tell her how much I enjoyed being with her and see if she reciprocates. She is the one who kissed me after all, and maybe she could be feeling what I'm feeling in that she's not sure if she should be making the next move. My friends say that she is slightly promiscuous so maybe that's why they said I should get in touch with her the day after, I could end up missing the boat if I don't act fast enough. And by clearly stating my intentions I believe that makes it easier on what will happen going forward.

[–]TardisTechnologist 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]LittlePipe 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I'd recommend asking her for a specific time at Wednesday evening or Thursday morning. Asking her for advice about your clothes is a great idea because: 1. She works at that kind of store so bringing up the topic isn't gonna seem off or unrelated. 2. Girls LOVE getting asked for advice and opinions. Chances are, she'll enjoy helping you out and going shopping with you. It'll be fun for both of you. Maybe consider shopping for clothes at a place other than the mall she works at, just to make it more interesting for her. It seems that you like to overthink stuff, so you're probably reading a bunch or different reddit posts about first dates and stuff, i'm totally like that too. Since it's summer, just taking a walk at a nice place in your city can be a cool idea for a next date, maybe stop for some ice cream or whatever along the way. If you do this, shopping for clothes can be a great thing you can do for a date after that.

Since I posted I got her number and texted her. She responded, "I actually forgot that I have plans already on Thursday so it's probably going to have to be Friday, but I'll see if maybe I can do something on Wednesday instead." I just replied, "alright cool let me know". So now I'm waiting to hear back from her, but it's definitely not Thursday.

What I was saying was that I planned to just hang around the mall where she worked for a bit, eat and walk around, and then ask her if she wanted to do that clothes shopping as a second date if all goes well. But now I'm not sure exactly the time and place so I'm depending on when she's available.

About a place other than the mall, I could go to another mall that's about 20 minutes away. I would have to pick her up and drive her and I guess that's a good thing. I actually did this same exact move with the clothes and everything with another girl a few weeks ago but it was just as friends. Her eyes did light up when I suggested the idea so I'd probably expect the same from this girl.

I didn't go searching through a bunch of seddit posts after this happened, but that is something I normally do lol. I've read enough posts on the subject in the past to know that it's best to go to multiple locations but I'm not sure if and how I could pull that off. Where I live there isn't any really big cities near us that are walkable so I'd have to drive from place to place.

[–]kalolilo 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]I_am_a_mardy_bum[S] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]kalolilo 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]kfudgingdodd 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	First minor success
Author	I_am_a_mardy_bum
Upvotes	13
Comments	57
Date	July 3, 2017 7:28 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6l22mm/first_minor_success/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/first-minor-success.1429870 https://theredarchive.com/post/1429870

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