I get it, this whole getting better thing is painful, but does it have to be so stressful?

UnclassyGentleman · 2017-10-13T01:18:11+00:00

Okay so, firstly, you need to realize that having a girlfriend won't complete you. Nothing will complete something that is already complete but you need to realize that on your own and you will eventually.

If you are new to this then yes, it is painful to go through rejection but remember why you are doing this. Sure, finding a girlfriend is a good goal. But understand that it is you who you are doing this ultimately for.

Focus on the process, on the changes taking place within you. See how you are slowly becoming more confident and grounded in yourself. That is the real reward of this shit.

Also, while approaching, her potential to be your girlfriend is the last thing you should focus on. I think you should know someone much better before deciding that. So focus on getting to know them and having fun. Let things happen, let sex happen, let relationships happen, don't force it.

Keep pushing but forget about the goal. Focus on the process and become more aware of the present instead of projecting your imagined future on it.

Hector_Castillo · 2017-10-13T10:58:49+00:00

"If it was easy, everyone would do it."

Of course, you can smoothen the journey by making it secondary to you going out, meeting people, and having fun. Now, this is easier said than done, and I don't know anyone who doesn't gets stressed about socializing, even fellow naturals.

Pain does not exist without pleasure. You don't understand lows without highs. This is the nature of the human experience.

To be honest, the faster you improve, the more painful it will be.

A good example is lifting. You can keep doing sets at a weight you can easily finish 12 reps of, and you'll get stronger, but not nearly as quickly as you would if you bump up to a weigh that you can only complete 8 reps of and you get that last rep with the help of someone else (a "forced" rep).

It's the excess stress to your muscles that makes them build bigger.

Same with socializing. The harder you push yourself, the faster you will learn.

I know very few people who put in mountains of work and don't see very big spikes of results in 6 months - 1 year, many times much quicker (I give such a large estimate to counter any "You're promising too much too quick!" arguments).

The only people i know who do tons of approaches and get nothing out of it are

The extremely stubborn
Those who refuse to get help (from websites with proven results, i.e., clients who get results as a direct result of their advice or from natural friends)

I'd say that since you're evaluating your own process, you fall into neither category.

In one year, you will look back on this post and laugh. You will say, "Why was I so stressed?"

I know this because every time I get stuck, I look back months or years later, and laugh at myself. Every single problem that I had a year ago is gone, because I work very hard.

Of course I have new problems, but that's how the story goes. If you have no problems, there's not more story to tell.

Hector

NTSpike · 2017-10-13T14:24:13+00:00

It's a difficult process in the beginning but having a system of habits and a wing to keep you accountable and go through this with you helps.

Shifting your mindset also makes this a lot easier. There's really no such thing as rejection, often just incompatibility and bad timing, or a bad approach angle. When you can get out of your own head and stop taking everything so fucking personal, approaches stop being so painful.

ToxicRocketry · 2017-10-13T00:50:13+00:00

Try to focus on other fun things to do. Don't try to bury loneliness with meditation/indifference/whatever, because it doesn't work. I find that when I'm in a happy mood, thoughts of girls tend to go by the wayside and you can talk to them easier.

Suffering is something you should learn to bear, but there's no reason to try and do everything the most painful way possible and not easy your journey.

Title	I get it, this whole getting better thing is painful, but does it have to be so stressful?
Author	mynameiswut
Upvotes	5
Comments	7
Date	October 12, 2017 11:05 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/760ri1/i_get_it_this_whole_getting_better_thing_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-get-it-this-whole-getting-better-thing-is.1435162 https://theredarchive.com/post/1435162

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