Hello,

First of all, excuse my "novice" report. I am quite old (close to 30) for these types of inexperienced reports, but I am struggling with social anxiety my entire life and only recently I begun having normal and sexual relations with girls.

OK, let's get down to it. I met a girl at a dance party about a month ago. The dance party is a weekly event and we both go quite regularly, so we've both went at that party 3 times now (see below for details).

  • The first time I met her at the party, I talked with her, and I also got mildly physical (apart from dancing - escalated to some minor hair and leg stroking while sitting next to her, etc.) and she seemed OK with that. She was telling me about herself and she seemed very reluctant to talk about whether she has a BF. Asked to see her again and told me that she would be at the next party next week. Cool. This was probably the best night. I was really having fun and I was "out of my head". I didn't intend to meet someone in particular but just have fun. The next times were not so good.

  • Next week. The second time I saw her things were more mild. We danced but I didn't flirt with her. Later, she asked me to drive her home, which I agreed since it turned out she lives very close to my home. Cool. While in the car, we talk and, in the conversation, she casually mentions that she is seeing a guy. The way she spoke, I understood that she didn't want make it sound special. She agreed to give me her FB to talk about the party next week.

  • Next week we both have other plans and we don't go.

  • I didn't send any message until the party next-next week, when I messaged her if she'd like me to come pick her up. She made some excuse but later she messages me to go together. Cool. So I go to pick her up. My plan was to escalate at some point, but then, while in the car, she started telling me about her messed up situation with her current BF, who happened to be the best friend of her Ex, and how she feels a bit like a slut. I told her that we ourselves make things a "big deal", so she should either embrace and support her choice, or move on; There is no reason to feel shitty about something and keep doing it. Anyway. Things were again pretty mild. We danced, but I was super-tired that day, and hearing the story about her BF and ex didn't make it better. We called it a night, drove her home, but I didn't make a move again.

And here we are. The next party is in a week. How do I manage this situation? I do like that girl, and I believe that something is quite close to happening. She is indeed cute, but I am getting more attracted to her aloof and relaxed nature, plus the fact that she is an open and friendly person. But I don't know how to proceed. Are the stories about her BF some (conscious or subconscious) shit tests (which I have been failing)? Or some way to keep me in the friendzone? I am really confused and my head is about to explode if I don't learn what's up. What is the best way of making my intentions clear in this situation? Ofc, I don't want to linger any more as the more I wait, the deeper I get in the friendzone.

I am thinking about messaging her mid-week for a coffee. Then tell her that I like her but the fact that she is not single puts me off. And, in any case, I would have not asked her out if I was sure that she was happy with her BF, which appears that she isn't. Then take it from there. If she appears surprised and strongly defend her current relationship, fine, but if she gives any signals that she might like me back, I'd go in for a kiss or something. Any guesses?